Are you supposed to feed guests on Friday?

↑ MiracleMama

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 8:06 pm

dankbar wrote:

Yes shabbos is at 4:15-430. They don't start davenening till an hrs after zman. They would start at 530 and then if they come home 630. Can't make kiddush till 7.

I don't understand this schedule, but even if it's the schedule.... what time do you normally have dinner? Even if you normally eat 5 pm sharp, so now it's 2 hours later. You will go into the meal hungry, sure, but starving? Because you didn't have an extra meal between lunch and dinner?

amother

↑ Cerulean ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 8:06 pm

amother Crocus wrote:

Yes, and many get around it by making kiddish on white wine. Can't explain, but it's a thing.

Totally off topic, but if you do this I'd recommend confirming this with your community Rabbi
I understood it's a misconception that the color of the wine makes a difference

↑ Cheiny ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 8:11 pm

amother Mayflower wrote:

Why would they be starving? Didn’t they eat lunch and breakfast? Since when did erev shabbos become YK? A day of ‘starvation’ ?

My family and I eat a regular lunch on Friday.

Guests who are coming for Shabbos when Shabbos starts after 4pm often don’t come late afternoon. They come earlier and will no doubt be hungry especially if they don’t live nearby and have been traveling… I think it’s only decent to offer them some food before Shabbos and not expect them to wait hours until kiddush.

amother

↑ Cornsilk

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 8:13 pm

MiracleMama wrote:

To add to this, doesn't the schnitzel and cholent and kugel and farfel at 3 prevent you from eating well at the seuda? (I know that it would for us).
And why isn't fruit, cake, and some cheese enough to hold off the hunger? Why another pressure to create a whole seuda

amother

↑ Cerulean ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 8:19 pm

amother Cornsilk wrote:

No it wouldn't because my meal starts at 7, the details of how your schedule works matter very much in this case

amother

↑ Mayflower ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 9:27 pm

Cheiny wrote:

We must not know the same people or we have different calculations. If I had to go away for shabbos in the winter I’d be picked up at work at 2 to get there 3, 3:30. My kids will have eaten lunch regular time. We can all have a snack in the car if need be and can Bh all eat dinner as usual at 6/7pm. In my home shabbos food is for shabbos. We don’t eat shabbos food before shabbos. If my guests were ‘starving’ I’d offer granola bar or fruit oe yogurt: same thing I’d offer my own kids

amother

↑ Crocus ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 9:30 pm

amother Cerulean wrote:

Totally off topic, but if you do this I'd recommend confirming this with your community Rabbi
I understood it's a misconception that the color of the wine makes a difference

Thanks. Learned this from our rabbi.

amother

↑ Crocus ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 9:32 pm

amother Arcticblue wrote:

I try to have whatever I’m serving by the meal ready and we all eat that, I find that most don’t eat after the soup anyways

Of course they don't eat after soup. Who would eat after soup when you've served everyone a huge second late lunch?

amother

↑ Crocus

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 9:41 pm

amother Mayflower wrote:

Right. This sounds normal to me.

I see part of the issue of the disagreement here is that there are those who are used to this concept of Toamehu and those who are not.
If it's your norm to wolf down kugels an hour or so before candle lighting and you get to somebody's house and there is no kugel for you at 4 PM, ok it's disappointing, maybe surprising. But you shouldn't be starving if you ate lunch.

Other issue....
If you didn't eat lunch, why not?

And...
if you're showing up at your host's house at lunch time, expecting to be fed lunch.... why? Why come so early? Why put this burden on your host?

amother

↑ Arcticblue ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 9:59 pm

amother Crocus wrote:

Of course they don't eat after soup. Who would eat after soup when you've served everyone a huge second late lunch?

Challah, fish, dips and soup is a full meal.
And even if not as long as everyone is happy and full who really cares

amother

Blue ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 10:30 pm

Interesting question.

We went to relatives for Shabbos a couple of weeks ago. Four hour drive and we arrived around 1 pm.

I was surprised that no lunch was served (I would have brought with our own, but assumed they would prepare.)

There was a little bit of cake but nothing more substantial.

amother

↑ Blue ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 10:34 pm

amother Mayflower wrote:

Honestly, no one I know would leave so late on a winter Friday afternoon. It's cutting it so fine to Shabbos. What time is Shabbos by you these days?

amother

Butterscotch ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 10:37 pm

I'm not big on snacking, so I'm surprised at all this too.
My kids know there are fruits or veggies or crackers if they're hungry in between meals. I'd definitely offer these to guests. But I'm also surprised at the idea that I'm supposed to have a whole other meal ready to go when I'm in the middle of frantically making Shabbos food.

amother

↑ Mayflower ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 10:40 pm

amother Blue wrote:

Honestly, no one I know would leave so late on a Friday afternoon. It's cutting it so fine to Shabbos. What time is Shabbos by you these days?

I live in NYC. For me it’s hypothetical. I don’t go away for shabbos in the winter. BH I work full time (till 3:30) till February when I work till 4. But on erev sukkos, for example, yes, we arrive as close to YT as possible. That’s my reality. We all Shower in the morning and no one needs lunch when we arrive so it’s Win win

amother

↑ Clover

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 10:47 pm

Why is davening not starting until an hout after the zman? Are they waiting until tzeis to start maariv?

Can soneone explain the 6 to 7 thing? Is it kiddish, or drinking wine, or the neal? If you make kiddush at 5:55, can you wash and have the meal? Can you drink wine during it? And is it preferred, or something to stick by regardless of hardships?

amother

Daylily

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 11:06 pm

I think it’s a Hungarian thing to prepare toyamahu and to make sure guests have enough food.

Honestly for me it’s part of hosting. I always make sure to have kugel, ferfel, deli roll, cake, mini meat pizza rounds and more.
By the time we have the meal no one is interested in eating more than a little challa, salmon and soup. I find that people have a bigger appetite Friday afternoon.

We once got invited to DH’s friend for a shabbes and they served the meal VERY scarce and very calculated. We all got a sliver of challa, tiny piece of salmon and soup. There was nothing left for seconds, and no this is nothing to do with not having money to cook. It’s just her type.
I was starving as we had traveled quite a bit and I was munching on some nuts in my room that I had taken along for the way. I was probably hungrier because there was no extra morsel of food in sight.
Since then I made a pact that whenever we invite guest it includes Friday afternoon food as well, I’d rather have lots of food and make everyone feel comfortable and at home than be so calculated.

amother

↑ Cerulean ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 11:17 pm

amother Blue wrote:

What was your relationship with them?
Were there places in town to buy food?
Did they expect you at that time?

amother

↑ Cerulean

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 11:20 pm

amother Clover wrote:

Many don't Daven maariv until Tzeis

6-7 Kiddush shouldn't be made so it's either before 6 or after 7- at times of the year when it's borderline people either rush to make it before 6 or wait a while until 7
I always understood Kiddush to be the issue, that's the Minhag, in my community, but I learned today that for some it's only considered an issue to make Kiddush on red wine so it's very community dependant