Are you supposed to feed guests on Friday?

↑ Raizle ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 3:37 pm

Peersupport wrote:

A 9x13 kugel is a dozen eggs and 12 potatoes.
It's not that expensive.

What do you serve your kids for lunch on Friday?

Whatever is done the rest of the week. Just occurred to me it's different depending where you live. In Israel they have a whole hot cooked meal for lunch but I don't think that's the case for most of the rest of us

↑ dankbar ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 3:37 pm

It's cultural not only as guest or in own home eating kugel before shabbos. I was once by a non chassidish/non heimish hotel for shabbos, and was shocked that if you arrived after lunch to hotel and missed the meal there was no food until shabbos meal served and the lunch at 1 was tuna, veg and fruit, no kugel, farfel, cholent that is served by heimish hotels on Friday.

But then there was meatballs & spaghetti by shabbos day meal....

It was in the summer.
So lunch was at 1. Shabbos doesn't start before 8.

We missed lunch, arrived later for shabbos starving after traveling long time.

We asked when toamehu was, but there was none, they said there was lunch at 1, and it's way past that time.
They managed to bring out from kitchen what was leftover some tuna and fruits.

When you're paying for a weekend?

Last edited by dankbar on Sun, Jan 05 2025, 3:48 pm; edited 2 times in total

↑ Raizle ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 3:40 pm

dankbar wrote:

I think this is cultural. Chassidish people do toamehu before shabbos, like kugel for sure and maybe also farfel, sometimes cholent or more.

So yes when chasidish Hungarian people go to others for shabbos, the expected norm is to be served at least kugel before zman

For my own family, lunch I serve midday, but before zman a whole spread of shabbos food.

By meal my kids will mostly, have challah, fish soup and dessert, but they eat the rest of food before shabbos.

This is very interesting to me as I always learnt you are not meant to eat too much before shabbos as you have to save your appetite for the Shabbos meal.

I feel like maybe it started off as tasting from the Shabbos food and perhaps turned into a whole meal??

↑ dankbar ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 3:41 pm

Yes shabbos is at 4:15-430. They don't start davenening till an hrs after zman. They would start at 530 and then if they come home 630. Can't make kiddush till 7.

↑ Raizle

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 3:47 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

If you're hosting someone else's guests to sleep is different but if you Invited guests for shabbos you feed them. If they arrive too early or you're not ready right away that's fine but at least have food for them before shabbos.

& no there isn't more of a weight problem by frum jews. Have you been In the secular world & seen the obesity rate???

yes.
I live in a mixed (secular and Jewish) community and I've worked in the non Jewish world.
I have eyes.

I said "proportionally"
For sure there are proportionally more over weight frum jews to healthy weight then in the secular world.

↑ dankbar ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 3:52 pm

Youre not supposed to wash for bread/meal after chatzos, so many people will not have sandwiches for lunch but rather kugel for lunch, and it's open for taking till shabbos.

amother

↑ Aster ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 4:20 pm

Peersupport wrote:

A 9x13 kugel is a dozen eggs and 12 potatoes.
It's not that expensive.

What do you serve your kids for lunch on Friday?

Dozen eggs, one bag of potatoes 3 onions is $10 these days and 20-25 min worth of work. A nice sized pan of schnitzel to feed 10 guests is another $30 (3.5lb schnitzel, can of breadcrumbs, 6-8 eggs) and 40 min of work unless your guests are really small eaters.

That’s shabbos seudah not Friday afternoon snack. My kids have pasta, frozen pizza, fishsticks or grill cheese which they mostly make themselves.

Want me to put out a full erev shabbos elaborate meal? That’ll be 12.99 per person minimum 15 people Smile

amother

Hotpink ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 4:39 pm

dankbar wrote:

Yes shabbos is at 4:15-430. They don't start davenening till an hrs after zman. They would start at 530 and then if they come home 630. Can't make kiddush till 7.

Out of curiosity why can't kiddush be made before 7?

amother

Mayflower ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 4:46 pm

dankbar wrote:

Yes shabbos is at 4:15-430. They don't start davenening till an hrs after zman. They would start at 530 and then if they come home 630. Can't make kiddush till 7.

We live in parallel universes

In the community I grew up in my dad was always home an hour after candle lighting . My husband now comes home closer to 90 minutes after. So candle lighting at 4:23 had him home around 5:45. We can easily be finished dinner by 7 if we start right away (which we do depending on how tired and cranky the kids are) finishing at 8 (as we did this past week) was because we stretched it out . My husband went to a shalom zachar at the rabbis house that started at 8 (which means even the rabbi was able to finish dinner and clear up and set up to host in his home at 8pm)

amother

↑ Mayflower ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 4:50 pm

Peersupport wrote:

It's pretty much accepted to serve toamehu.
If you won't have any food for Friday, please let your guests know in advance, so they can make alternative plans.

only time I saw Toamehu is on KMR. I thought it was a hotel thing. The same way tearoom is a hotel thing . You know, like another meal to justify the price of the program. I’ve never ever heard of this in real life. Ever. I wouldn’t expect a single bite of food as a guest in someone’s home until dinner.

amother

Lemon ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 4:51 pm

So much comes down to expectations.

We once stayed in a hotel and were surprised there was no kiddush straight after davening finished at 11am but breakfast 7-9 or similar, and lunch wasn't until 1.

As a fairly fresh BT I slept sometimes for Shabbos at a gorgeous Hungarian neighbour of my sister who would serve me a delicious cinnamon danish when I got up before I left for shul.
I didn't know what to do as I had learnt you weren't supposed to eat before you davened Banging head

You do you!

amother

↑ Mayflower ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 4:52 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Yes, of course, guests who are staying for Shabbos can’t be expected to starve on Friday and have to wait for the night Seuda. This is a given.

Why would they be starving? Didn’t they eat lunch and breakfast? Since when did erev shabbos become YK? A day of ‘starvation’ ?

My family and I eat a regular lunch on Friday.

↑ dankbar ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 5:35 pm

amother Lemon wrote:

You do you!

So that's the thing when hotel serves breakfast at 8, most men will not eat before davening and most women sleep in shabbos morn.

↑ dankbar

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 5:37 pm

amother Hotpink wrote:

Out of curiosity why can't kiddush be made before 7?

It's a kaballah thing. I think something about the hour like midas hadin or something

amother

↑ Hotpink

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 6:45 pm

dankbar wrote:

It's a kaballah thing. I think something about the hour like midas hadin or something

Thank you for explaining. That's fascinating I've never heard of it.

amother

Cerulean ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 7:58 pm

Raizle wrote:

But when is before Shabbos?? Eating 4-5 hours before the meal isn't going to ruin your appetite? Do you fast from breakfast?

amother

↑ Cerulean ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 8:00 pm

Raizle wrote:

Did you mean disproportionately? Because otherwise your sentence doesn't make sense to me

amother

↑ Crocus ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 8:02 pm

dankbar wrote:

It's a kaballah thing. I think something about the hour like midas hadin or something

Yes, and many get around it by making kiddish on white wine. Can't explain, but it's a thing.

amother

↑ Cerulean ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 8:02 pm

amother Hotpink wrote:

Out of curiosity why can't kiddush be made before 7?

It's from Kabala, and in some communities it's the Minhag
I think it was brought up by some posters just as a point to keep in mind when considering it a short Friday, that by the time the meal rolls around it isn't that early