Are you supposed to feed guests on Friday?

amother

Aster ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 11:42 am

People make a while kugel and a pan of schnitzel just for Friday guests? WOW. That’s practically a whole Friday night meal not to mention a good hour or more of work and probably $35 to $50.

Are all these hosts rolling in money and SAHMs?

If it’s a small number of guests I will do the chicken soup in a larger than usual pot and have the guests take some soup or perhaps a bit of cholent. Otherwise maybe cook up some potatoes and slice , or something else cheap and quick. When eggs were 99 cents a dozen instead of $7 I would sometimes have a few extra hard or soft boiled available when I put up eggs to cook for the day meal. If there are leftovers from Wednesday or Thursday supper like some chicken and rice or the like I will heat those up as an option.

No reason to serve a whole, expensive labor intensive shabbos seuda on Friday afternoon….

↑ Raizle ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 11:50 am

amother Watermelon wrote:

I've been hungry way too many times as a guest Friday before Shabbos. Offering food to guests before Shabbos is a must for me. It takes about 2 hours from candle lighting until the meal & no one should be hungry on my watch.

For all those saying you're an adult you should've eaten lunch, well yeah but when you're packing & rushing out the door with little kids hoping not to hit traffic you sometimes just don't get to eat, even if yes it's already been several hours.

Imo you don't must host, if you do host you don't need fancy food, no fancy dishes or presentation, don't worry if there are toys & books all over er etc. But make sure your guests are not hungry.

I'm sorry but why should your "busy" impose on your hosts "busy" . Imo you don't must stay by hosts, you can take a hotel.

Obviously if you host you need to provide food but there's a gvul. If someone is coming erev Shabbos in the peak of their hosts busyness and they aren't coming from far then at the very least they should take care of themselves till Shabbos.

↑ Raizle ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 11:55 am

amother OP wrote:

(I was always going to have this family stay for shabbos, they were going to the neighbor for Sheva Brochos, since we're family to them they were going to stay by us. Having the sheva Brochos by me was the added last minute thing. Probably because they are our relatives it was not clear who would be feeding them because maybe they are also my guests so to speak)

The Sheva Brochos story aside, it just brought to light this idea of feeding guests Friday afternoon. It sounds like real food is an expectation even in the winter. Good to know.
I do ask my guests for an ETA because I want to make sure everything is ready for them, and so I can schedule around their arrival. If they planned to be here lunch time I would have lunch for them too. I just didn't think about real food for later.
And yes I feed my guests Motz shabbos and Sunday morning or however long they stay. Many people tell me not to worry about them their going to pick up pizza or something like that.

It's winter, short day and it sounds like you are describing not lunch but something between lunch and Shabbos. Why would there be an expectation of an extra meal? How much do people eat? It's not your problem if they skipped lunch before coming.
I learnt you aren't meant to ruin your appetite for the Shabbos meal. It's a minhag to taste from the Shabbos food only but I don't think that means to start serving a pre Shabbos seuda. Also it's enough for the one cooking to taste

↑ giftedmom ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 12:00 pm

For everyone saying about not eating hot food before the shabbos meal…
You should worry about your own ruchnius and other peoples gashmius. If people are hungry we feed them. We don’t worry about what they should or shouldn’t be eating.
For yourself, no one is forcing you to eat.

↑ Raizle ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 12:00 pm

amother Aster wrote:

I know that's what I was thinking when reading through this thread. It sounds like yomtov with multiple days of seudas.

We Jews are way too obsessed with food.
There! I said it.

Ever noticed how weight problems in the Jewish community are proportionally higher then the secular?

What's this business with a whole seuda before Shabbos?
Make yourselves a sandwich for lunch and save your appetite for Shabbos

↑ Raizle ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 12:03 pm

giftedmom wrote:

We are talking about expectations. If you want to go all out and wait on your guests 3 course meals 4 times a day then by all means. But it shouldn't be an expectation.

↑ Raizle ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 12:06 pm

Peersupport wrote:

It's pretty much accepted to serve toamehu.
If you won't have any food for Friday, please let your guests know in advance, so they can make alternative plans.

Never heard of this. Sorry I don't even know what that is. Must be a cultural thing.

amother

DarkKhaki

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 12:09 pm

amother Amaryllis wrote:

I usually try to have kugel ready.

This
It’s the first thing I plan
I have a friend the Friday morning she puts up rice, peas and meatballs
She puts on the side 9x13 pans a pile of plates and cutlery disposable of course
It doesn’t have to be so fancy
But at least some plain pasta or kugel maybe cake coffee tea

↑ giftedmom

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 12:12 pm

Raizle wrote:

We are talking about expectations. If you want to go all out and wait on your guests 3 course meals 4 times a day then by all means. But it shouldn't be an expectation.

3 course meals no but when you host someone fully having food available is an expectation

↑ Peersupport

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 12:22 pm

amother Aster wrote:

A 9x13 kugel is a dozen eggs and 12 potatoes.
It's not that expensive.

What do you serve your kids for lunch on Friday?

dankbar ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 12:23 pm

I think this is cultural. Chassidish people do toamehu before shabbos, like kugel for sure and maybe also farfel, sometimes cholent or more.

So yes when chasidish Hungarian people go to others for shabbos, the expected norm is to be served at least kugel before zman

For my own family, lunch I serve midday, but before zman a whole spread of shabbos food.

By meal my kids will mostly, have challah, fish soup and dessert, but they eat the rest of food before shabbos.

amother

Clover ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 12:26 pm

Peersupport wrote:

A 9x13 kugel is a dozen eggs and 12 potatoes.
It's not that expensive.

What do you serve your kids for lunch on Friday?

Bagels, yogurt, leftover pasta, etc. Something nobody has to make, and that they can take themselves from a pretty early age. If I have guests who come early enough for lunch, they get the same. Ir they can grab a snack.

↑ mommyla

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 12:27 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Some of us are worried about our own gashmius too and not interested in preparing a whole extra meal LOL

Elaborate toameha is not a thing outside of heimish/chassidish circles. Everyone I know would be more than happy with some snacks or a bowl of cereal or something, especially on a short Friday when the meal is at 5:30.

amother

↑ Watermelon

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 12:29 pm

Raizle wrote:

If you're hosting someone else's guests to sleep is different but if you Invited guests for shabbos you feed them. If they arrive too early or you're not ready right away that's fine but at least have food for them before shabbos.

& no there isn't more of a weight problem by frum jews. Have you been In the secular world & seen the obesity rate???

lamplighter ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 12:30 pm

I don't serve shabbos food on Friday. I barely serve lunch. Sometimes I put up a pot of pasta but often it's grilled cheese or frozen pizza that the kids make themselves. I always have a potato kugel ready in the afternoon but the shabbos food is for the meal. Any other food (snacks or fruit) can be taken from the pantry or fridge. The only difference with guests is that I'll point out the pantry and fridge and list some options on offer.
I can't be too terrible of a host because I host often.

Also tameu is not our minhag.

amother

↑ Clover ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 12:35 pm

dankbar wrote:

No. Many chassidish don't make kiddush between 6&7. And coming home from shul is in that time frame. So kiddush doesn't start before 7. So if you serve lunch at 12-1 when kids are coming home from school that 7 hours.

What is between 6 and 7? Is this all year long? And isn't coming home from shul dependant on when Shabbos starts? If it starts at 4:15, they don't come home until 6:00?

Even so, for us sandwiches and snacks would work.