How old were you at your first levaya? Shiva?

amother

Bronze

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 5:45 pm

First levaya - age 15
First shiva - age 21
I could have handled both earlier. We are kohanim so it was never really a thing, my father would watch the kids while my mother went.

amother

DarkCyan

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 5:46 pm

amother DarkCyan wrote:

Grandfathers levaya -7 yrs old.
Can’t remember first shiva but I think it was in HS for my teachers daughter who passed away suddenly leaving behind a family of young kids.

I was in the shiva house I think. But I can’t remember from so long ago.

amother

DarkCyan

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 5:50 pm

There was an article recently about brining kids to levayas.

The point of the article is saying that:
1) don’t bring your DC unless they can handle it
2) if you’re going to be sobbing out loud try to be quieter or go to another area where there aren’t kids.

(The lady who wrote the article was saying how this little boy (around 10?) was staring wide eyed and traumatized at this woman sobbing so loud.)

Yes we know levayas are hard for anyone but just to make sure there aren’t kids near you if you’re gonna be loud.

May moshiach come asap and no one else will
Have to not live.

amother

Offwhite

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 5:54 pm

My 12 yr old daughter's best friend lost her father recently it was very sudden. She came with me to the levaya to be there for her friend. It was a hard decision. I still hope it was The right one.

amother

DarkCyan

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 5:55 pm

amother Offwhite wrote:

My 12 yr old daughter's best friend lost her father recently it was very sudden. She came with me to the levaya to be there for her friend. It was a hard decision. I still hope it was The right one.

It probably is. Her friend most probably felt a lot better that she was there. (As a friend/support)

amother

Beige

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 6:01 pm

First levaya-5 (grandfather)
Shiva was in our house
I must have been to shiva houses but the earliest clear memory is of being Menachem avel a friend in 8th grade who lost a sibling. I was truly there for her In a physical and emotional way. It tightened our friendship forever.
My children have been brought to be Menachem avel grandparents when they where sitting shiva. A 4 yr old canbe coaxed to say hamakom.
My sons over bar mitzva have attended grave site levayos of mais mitza and helped with the complete burial. A wonderful chinuch experience

amother

Indigo

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 6:21 pm

I was 13 when I attended my first levaya. It was for a classmate who passed tragically. I didn’t know any rules as it wasn’t something I was prepared for.
Attended my first shiva when my mother sat for her brother. I was 18 and knew appropriate behavior by then.

bigsis144

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 6:22 pm

I was about 12-13 when my mother’s brother passed away, and I remember the levaya and shiva in my grandparents’ house. My grandfather passed away a few years later, same story.

I went to several shivas in high school - unfortunately over the 4 years, there were several girls who lost parents or siblings, and we were encouraged to visit them.

One of my sisters was still in elementary school when her classmate’s mother died, and that classmate specifically requested that my sister spend time with her during the shiva.

amother

Watermelon

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 8:31 pm

I don't know if this counts but my first levayos were those of Rav Yaakov Kamentsky and then Rav Moshe Feinstein two weeks later. Seventh grade. All upper grades in the school went. First shiva was in eight grade. Classmates mother died. She did not seem interested in talking at all and I don't recall any other woman sitting shiva with her. So we basically sat around watching what goes on in a shiva house. Her father must have realized that we were just sitting as observers so he ended up explaining to us what was going on, and the halachos of sitting shiva. I actually remember a lot of what was said and happened by that Shiva visit but nothing about making her feel better

amother

Impatiens

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 8:57 pm

My first of both was probably when I was 10 years old, when my father was niftar. Some friends came and acted mature and respectful of a shiva house, and others came and asked me to go downstairs with them to play a game. I still remember because I wasn’t in the frame of mind to play games when my mother and older siblings were upstairs sobbing, but I didn’t want to say no. So I went downstairs with them and played games when all I wanted to do was stay upstairs with the rest of the family (I’m not the youngest but idk what my younger siblings were doing then. Maybe they were at others houses)
So I think a kid has to be mature enough to go to a shiva house!

amother

Green

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 9:21 pm

amother Hibiscus wrote:

I don't remember how old I was when my grandmother lost 2 of her siblings in the same week. 13 or 14 maybe. I didn't go to the levaya, just visited my grandmother. She was having a hard time since she lost 2 siblings so close together. She was from a very tight knit family. They were of the lucky few to escape Europe before things got bad. My first levaya that felt real was hers. I was 21. I went to a rosh hayeshiva in high school but I couldn't see anything and he didn't have children so it wasn't particularly emotional. My parents didn't generally expose us to such events. I didn't go to my sisters father in laws levaya when I was 15.

Curious regarding the not going to your be menachem avel your bil when you were in high school. My husband didn’t have enough time for a proper shiva, but if there would have been time I would’ve expected my siblings to come be menachem avel him. (Maybe not little ones but at least high schoolers)

amother

Ultramarine

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 9:36 pm

My mother lost her brother when I was 8 but she sat shiva out of town so I didn’t experience that at all. (Though we did feel her loss tremendously and she cried for months and years) the first levaya I attended I was 22, but I didnt go to the shiva because it was erev yom tov. I don’t remember the first shiva I went to

amother

Chicory

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 5:47 am

I was in first grade when reb shloima zalman orbach was nifter and we lived a block away from him- so I remember that. Shiva - in third grade I went to be Menachem avel a friend who lost her father. I remember what she wore. We played cards in her room.