What’s harder- little kids or big kids

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Yesterday at 10:09 am

amother OP wrote:

But what does mentally hard mean?
....
Do older kids do annoying things like this constantly? Come out of their bed 10x every night? Challenge your sanity?

Ummmm. So I said earlier that I agree with you rhat little kids are physically harder.

And true you dont need to buckle and they dont climb in your trunk
(though when you do chanukah pickup from Dd hs or ds mesivta yku will get requests from extra kids to sit there after you already have 10 teens stuffed in your seats.)

But you're kidding about putting a preschooler back to bed 10x a night being the most stressful.

BeH in 10 to 15 years your GOOD kids in "top" schools will be making you put on your shoes and coat and get in your car at 9 / 10/ 1030/ 1130...... to....

Ma I'm studying at a friend, can you pick me up at 9?

Ma, Im meeting my camp friends at sprinkles, can you bring me at 8 and pick up at 930?

Ma, your turn to pick up from Play practice at 10.

Ma you are picking up from chanuka chagiga, remember you agreed so you didnt have to do the 330 pickup? officially ends at 10....ill call you, you probably shouldn't come until 1030/11

Ma, im still studying, can Ta pick me up after maariv at 11?

Ma I missed the maariv bus Banging head

Ma, bff sister is getting married. Please please please bring me to second dance

And dont get me started on challenging your sanity!

And these are the good kids!

Ps. Even when they are home you are reminding and reminding and reminding to go to bed so they dont miss the minyan bus at 10/11/12.........

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 10:13 am

Just caught up on the thread and just want to say thank you to each person that responded. It gave me a lot more clarity in a time of confusion.

It’s clear that it depends on many things, and both are hard in different ways.

Hashem should bless everyone with yiddisha nachas and menuchas hanefesh. We should all feel that we’re doing our hishtadlus and the rest is up to Hashem!

amother

Birch

Yesterday at 10:19 am

amother Jetblack wrote:

Ma, bff sister is getting married. Please please please bring me to second dance

And dont get me started on challenging your sanity!

And these are the good kids!

Everything you mentioned is before midnight. How about

"Ma, it's your turn to pick up from school Shabbos at 2:15am."

"Ma, Rebbis Chanukah party ends between 12 or 12:30. Maybe I'll hitch or call you".

Purim night waiting by the phone, hoping your son is sober enough to call you to pick him up from the yeshiva party. He might ask for a ride at 1:30am.

↑ giftedmom

Yesterday at 10:28 am

amother Birch wrote:

I am absolutely dreading the stage of my boys going out partying on Purim. I’ve been drilling into them since they’re little the dangers of alcohol, the need to think for yourself, even the smartest way to drink. But it may all go out the window when they get to it. Maybe they’ll be like my brothers who can’t handle it. A girl can dream?

amother

↑ Burntblack

Yesterday at 10:35 am

amother Birch wrote:

Thankfully my dd's school knows that wouldn't fly. We were upset when they were coming back at midnight but I arranged a ride with a teacher and in the end there was a delay and they arranged rides back for all girls who couldn't drive but we also ask live within about 5 minutes drive from the school.
Don't have any teen boys so can only speak for girls.

Why would rebbeim do that?

amother

↑ Jetblack

Yesterday at 10:47 am

amother Birch wrote:

1000000000%

(I felt I had too much listed already.)

And you dont have to leave your house to be stressed.....

So that cute 2 year old that made your heart stop when they ran to the street - but you were right there and ran and cought them. Heart beating wildly

Now they are in said car but........

- is 19 dd and driving back with her friends from her roomates chasunah in Baltimore at 1;30 am. Well theyve been driving for 9 months already.

- is 20 dd and going out with a boy "beating the freezer" and as you shmooze with said very nervous bochur about him coming back from ey on thurs you realize its MONDAY. You say tehilim. later you hear that he told dd he drove to all his errands "for practice" after getting his license the pesach before ey.

- or is dating a boy coming out of the freezer. Should know how to drive......except he got his license 2 weeks ago and lives in flatbush. Well, Ariz rented him a car.....

- is 21 ds in a "top" beis medresh. Dont worry, they dont do a "road trip". This is yeshiva subsidized and a yungerman and his family tag along.....in their own car and own airbnb..... meanwhile your bochur and his chevra shteig until 1:00 or even 2:00 pm every day plus a full night seder.. shtark boys!.....in between he and his fellow 21 year olds are driving 95 mph on mountain roads TMI

He loses his hiking shoes on day 3 and proceeds to.hike mountains in his loafers.

Bh I dont actually know about all the stuff my oldee kids do....

Though birch is right that so far for me nothing beats the heart stopping terror of the rebbi's purim party...

Again. These are the "good kids".

amother

Mayflower

Yesterday at 10:54 am

My oldest is 12 ,youngest 3 Life is way easier now in every way. I wish ppl would have told me that it gets easier when I was overwhelmed and running after my own tail... I enjoy my kids and can have great conversations with them. Me and dh can rest on Shabbos afternoon for 2 hrs the older ones entertain the younger ones. I have more privacy, they respect the rules and dont come in my room. I give them my full attention in afternoon and expect when dh comes home they go play. In fact most days I say to dh im so grateful kids are getting older, I can breathe. I recently started doing some fun hobbies I did as teenager, I have more energy to eat prepare normal food and eat healthy. I remember neighbors telling me how much harder it gets when I was on verge of collapse and I now totally disagree. If you're a young harried mother, know that life will be so much easier!

↑ src6

Yesterday at 12:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

And it's a bracha to deal with the regular challenges of healthy children at every stage. Not downplaying the challenges, but still have to say this. Context.

amother

Acacia

Yesterday at 4:02 pm

amother Mayflower wrote:

Very similar stage and I agree 100%. It's way easier now that I have a few kids that are old enough to go to the grocery for me, etc. It's not just me doing everything. I also didn't find the younger years so problem free. I was dealing with having toddler and preschooler both having therapy schedules, etc. Much much easier now.

amother

Dandelion

Yesterday at 5:37 pm

For me, the littler they are the harder they are, but full disclosure, I don't have any teens yet, my oldest is a pre-teen.

I don't do well with the physical drain that comes with little kids.

But bigger kids come with so much heartache, even if they are good kids.

I still think the littles are harder though. But maybe ask me again in a a year or two when I have a teen.

Hashem_Yaazor

Yesterday at 5:53 pm

I find 2 year olds (or at least my current one?) really, really draining of my patience and stamina.
Babies I expect to be tired from and have no expectations, but toddlers who can sometimes behave it gets hard when they don't 😉
Then it gets easier with a bump in the road at the 4 year old emotional growth spurt.

Not exactly smooth sailing afterwards, but I can expect not to have hurdles every day.

Then when teenagehood hits, it's a different type of parenting. I think mid-teens are hardest, around 15. They really think they're big then, they're still extremely dependent (no license) but want to be independent. It starts getting better toward the end of high school in terms of angst, but not anxiety. I don't know if that ever goes away...I try to ignore fears though and let them do what seems reasonable. Which doesn't mean driving on icy streets too visit a friend or go out for ice cream for some strange reason. My kids can't figure it out.