Why did no one thank me?

fleetwood ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 1:46 pm

amother Glitter wrote:

Great. I’ll call you at 2am when I’m awake and things are quiet in my house.

You can’t seriously expect a phone call from someone with a newborn. I’m not risking waking that baby asleep in my arms, and if they’re not in my arms I have 100 things that are more important like eating a meal

I'm sorry..no one is that busy....

amother

↑ Topaz ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 1:48 pm

amother Lily wrote:

But she got a thank you already!! Why does the mother have to have it on her head to remember to give a specific compliment and another thank you after using the item/eating the food?? There is more than enough going on already

Exactly. That is what I said. The on the spot thanx should be enough. However she says that the other mother didn’t thank her. And it has the nly been a couple of days with a very long shabbos. So perhaps she should have patience and wait a few more days.

↑ cholenteater ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 1:49 pm

fleetwood wrote:

I'm sorry..no one is that busy....

Consider yourself lucky that your postpartum experience allowed you the brain space to not be that busy.
Let's just say by me I'm focused on survival l, literally forgetting to eat etc until the alarm on my phone rings with a reminder that my husband set up
Even if not full on ppd, there are people like me who just have hard recoveries, challenging babies, complex other children and more. The world sees a functional mother bh, part of that functioning is not allowing extra brain space to remember who gave want and to give specific thanks after use of the gift/food.
I always say thank you, always, with full appreciation. Not typically more than once though.

Last edited by cholenteater on Sun, Jul 07 2024, 1:53 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Denim

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 1:49 pm

When I had twins I literally had no time. If I was lucky and had five minutes not holding a baby (no! I did not have help,! ) I had to decide if I wanted to eat, pee, or pump in those five minutes. I hope I remembered to thank everyone who sent over meals. I certainly was more than grateful. I can't remember anything from those days it was such a blur I barely slept.

amother

↑ Outerspace ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 1:50 pm

amother Fern wrote:

This. I have traumatic births and exceptionally demanding newborns. You can still txt a quick thank you. I don’t understand it either.

You can. I can't.
It's that simple. We're NOT lacking manners or mentchlichkeit because we have no energy for texting & phone calls immediately post partum.

Name calling & shaming Post partum mother's, is horrendous & so appalling, and such attitude IRL towards PP mother's, can really bring on PPD or PP psychosis l'a.
There should be no expectations from PP mother's. They should be in bed recuperating & caring for their babies as much as possible. PP women have enough on their shoulders. They don't need the added pressure of living up to the expectations of others.

amother

Aqua

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 1:55 pm

For what it's worth , I have social anxiety and thank you text even when I'm not pp is sometimes still really hard for me. It's not a two second ordeal. Like the thread about the husband wanting the wife to come for lunch. For me it wouldn't be just 3 hours. It would occupy me the entire day before, the day of, and the day after. I consider myself to have and express gratitude but its not always simple for me.

amother

Banana

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 1:55 pm

While of course saying thank you should be done if someone gives you a gift or makes you a meal, it should not be expected from PP mothers.
You have no idea what that mother is going through.
Of course she should say thank you! But you should not get upset if she does not!
You are doing a chesed for a new mother.

As for my own experience is that I have severe anxiety PP. Like have a hard time stepping foot out of my house, don't want to talk to anyone, can't make phone calls, social anxiety, etc.
While my dh is supportive of my feelings PP, he is also dealing with a lot and neither of us have our heads on straight.
We do our best, but our own mental health and family comes first.
Be DLKZ and move on.

amother

↑ Topaz ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 1:56 pm

Thanking is important.
However it does not have to be immediate. Give people some time, some room to breathe and recover.
Women have a-lot on their shoulders. They will thank you- when they have a moment to. Right now know that you did a good deed. Don’t ruin it by being persnickety.

amother

Iris

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 1:57 pm

fleetwood wrote:

I'm sorry..no one is that busy....

I was in constant pain for at least 2 weeks postpartum with my last baby. I wasn't thinking about anything but my baby, children and how to lessen the pain I was in. I don't care how many presents you sent I probably didn't remember about it 5 minutes later.
I understand people judging because my other births were never such hard recoveries so if I wouldn't have experienced it I would never have known how painful recovery could be.
My husband called my doctor's office twice to ask for something stronger for the pain but they said Tylenol is all they could suggest.

amother

↑ Forsythia ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 1:58 pm

fleetwood wrote:

I'm sorry..no one is that busy....

Why are you invalidating women who are telling you that they are that busy?
Is it because you personally didn't experience things that way?

amother

Coffee

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 2:05 pm

My sister used to hate when people didn’t say thank you when she sent stuff. Well, after her second kid she had a particular difficult labor and was an exhausted wreck for the next 4 weeks. She probably only said thank you to our mother and that’s it. We still tease her about it.
Different people, different pregnancies, different ways of coping

amother

↑ Peachpuff ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 2:07 pm

Like I mentioned above if I know who brought supper (or if it’s one of my aunts or cousins) ill tell
Them ty at the door and text ty.
My parents I’d call.

amother

↑ Glitter ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 2:08 pm

fleetwood wrote:

I'm sorry..no one is that busy....

My husband gets no paternity leave, so other than the hours of 9-3 I have other children home. So we’re talking 6 hours of “quiet”. Approx 4 of them are spent holding / nursing baby. So that leaves me 2 hours to: do laundry, do dishes , take a shower, eat lunch, clean up my house enough that I don’t trip on toys while holding newborn, and if im lucky I might get a short nap. So yeah, calling you ain’t happening

↑ fleetwood ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 2:10 pm

cholenteater wrote:

I had a very long labor and a baby that NEVER slept. Trust me..I was constantly in motion and exhausted. Yet I still could make a one minute thank you call.

amother

↑ Glitter ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 2:13 pm

fleetwood wrote:

I had a very long labor and a baby that NEVER slept. Trust me..I was constantly in motion and exhausted. Yet I still could make a one minute thank you call.

Was this your first kid or your fourth? Things change when other kids are crying for your attention. I prioritize giving my children my limited attention over grown adults who should be able to deal.

amother

Waterlily ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 2:35 pm

fleetwood wrote:

I'm sorry..no one is that busy....

Nor her husband or any other visitor who asks how they can help. Anyone of those people can take the new Parents cell phone and shoot out a few thank you text messages.

amother

↑ Forsythia ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 2:47 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

Nor her husband or any other visitor who asks how they can help. Anyone of those people can take the new Parents cell phone and shoot out a few thank you text messages.

Are you volunteering to keep track of everyone/everything for her?
Seriously Can't Believe It

amother

↑ Waterlily ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 2:48 pm

amother Forsythia wrote:

Are you volunteering to keep track of everyone/everything for her?
Seriously Can't Believe It

I’m pretty sure the mealtrain websites have that feature.

amother

↑ Forsythia ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 2:52 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

I’m pretty sure the mealtrain websites have that feature.

Great. So again if people can, they will
If they can't - who are you to DEMAND a thank you?? Please show some compassion

amother

↑ Tiffanyblue ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 2:53 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

And this why ppd is prevalent. Idiotic messages like this. You are disabled and you should lay in bed and shut the world out. Any energy you have should be for your baby, other children and husband. The stupid messaging of keep up with every obligation especially feeding the egos of others, is why so many collapse. Such doulas should find another profession.

And hey husband I know you are sleeping less and helping so much at home while juggling work and your own life… but you must send thank you texts or else someone’s ego might hurt. So why don’t you break yourself caring about their immediate need for a thank you over taking care of yourself.

Yes definitely gift giver’s ego are for sure the priority here. Great ideas.

Uch, do you hear yourself.

I am so glad I don't live in USA. Look at these atitudes. I don't find this elsewhere and I've lived in a couple of places.

Why is it that only in America do post partum mothers not have a min to type a thank you?

So strange.