Why did no one thank me?

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 2:54 pm

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Uch, do you hear yourself.

I am so glad I don't live in USA. Look at these atitudes. I don't find this elsewhere and I've lived in a couple of places.

Why is it that only in America do post partum mothers not have a min to type a thank you?

So strange.

Do I hear that one should take care of themselves and not have ppd by being busy with your ego? Yes. And proud of it too. Do you not have a minute to realize your demand is sick?

OddoneOut1

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 3:29 pm

That was a LONG list of opinions I just read...
As someone who sometimes forgot to thank people in the pp blur but wasn't dealing with PPD or any other new-baby related issue that takes everything out of you-
I truly accept the mussar for myself to be extra careful to EXPRESS my gratitude to the people in my life who help when there is a new baby (I think we can all agree that EVERYONE is incredibly grateful towards people who take the time/energy/money to help a new mom but expressing it is the hang-up)

On the side of giving- personally I don't wait for a phone call/text from a pp mom thanking me- I actually like to knock and give it to someone directly so they can thank me then and not have it on a list of things to do(no need to call later). Its also nice if I see the mom later on and she looks great and says- thank you for that meal a while back, because she appreciated it and clearly now has the time and mental space to express it.

Still, I definitely want to be someone who says thank you immediately because when someone jumps in to help you they are taking from THEIR load/time/money for YOU and that needs to be acknowledged by the receiver as a really big deal.

amother

Stone

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 3:47 pm

I'm reading this thread one week post partum. It is sick, cruel, and demented in so many ways. I'm crying. I'm crying for all you know it alls that say "it's nothing to just send a quick thank you text or call" How selfish of you. May you NEVER EVER know the darkness of postpartum depression. Yes even when the mother looks ok. The demands you place on a women who is recovering with a dinner plate sized wound in her abdomen is appalling. For all of you that need that thank you, please, I'm begging you foe the sake of not even the mothers, but the children, the future of klal yisrael, please DON'T SEND ANYTHING. If you need a thank you, don't send. If you need the compliment on your food/presentation/gift, don't send. If you have any expectations whatsoever, for the love of Gd, please, Don't. Send. I say all this having sent over the years. I say this having suffered from ppd. I say this knowing that this time round I was bh able to thank every person that sent something within 48 hours. But I also say this knowing that no 2 ppl, 2 experiences, 2 recoveries are alike. Shame on you lot. The elitism; I can so you should also be able to, how American <scoffs in European as if you're above a mental health crisis>, the [this was the best yet] have someone else do it, as if I'm going to ask someone to volunteer to do this, I'd rather take a shower or eat something, and many more examples.
May all of you who claim "it's so easy" never be in a position to know anything else (say amen! Out loud!)
I'm saddened. I'm appalled. I'm at a loss for how rachmanim bnei rachmanim can lack the perspective taking skills of just because it works for one doesn't mean it works for another, especially when dealing with postpartum moms.

amother

Daphne

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 3:55 pm

amother Stone wrote:

Im a fellow kimpeturin (my baby is less than a week)
Bh I had a good birth and im having an amazing recovery. But my baby is not easy.
I understand that even though it's easy for me to send thank yous its not like that for everyone. But theres no reason to be so mean in your post.

amother

↑ Outerspace ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 4:25 pm

fleetwood wrote:

It is difficult to comprehend...if someone went to the trouble of cooking you food..take ten seconds to call!!!

I will do that when I feel better and up to making phone calls & texts. Not immediately post birth when I'm in a daze and too overwhelmed to do anything.
If one must get an immediate thanks for their dinner, then please don't bother sending dinner to new mom's.

amother

↑ Outerspace ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 4:26 pm

amother Daphne wrote:

She's not mean at all. She's horrified & appalled.

Cheiny

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 4:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

I’m just surprised, 2 of my relatives had babies this week and I sent them both food for shabbos and something for the kiddush. One person told me thanks when I dropped off but thought she’d text me after shabbos (which is what I would do - the stretchie is so pretty, food was delicious etc) and the other person I didn’t see her so I texted her where I left the food (one of her older kids opened the door) and haven’t heard anything from her. She didn’t even reply to that text.
I didn’t send the food to get a thank you, I did it because it’s the right thing, but isn’t that basic manners?

I understand you expected a more specific thank you but I don’t think it’s reasonable to be expecting anything other than a simple thank you the week they gave birth…

amother

↑ Tiffanyblue ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 4:43 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

Do I hear that one should take care of themselves and not have ppd by being busy with your ego? Yes. And proud of it too. Do you not have a minute to realize your demand is sick?

There is no excuse for not showing hakaros Hatov. Even if it is a month later. A simple thank is in order. It is not sick. It's sick to justify everything on PP.

You know you're not being honest. You come across as selfish. I get asked about meal trains all. the. time. They have the spreadsheet and can call or text a few weeks later. It's not about me getting a thank you!!!

It's about being and living in a menshlich society. So stop drawing that ego card. It's not about me or you!!

You make it sound like I've never been post partum myself.

chestnut

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 4:43 pm

amother Stone wrote:

This post should be pinned right underneath the opening post, so the rest becomes moot.

amother

↑ Mocha

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 5:12 pm

amother Daphne wrote:

What about her post was mean? All she did was express herself honestly, nothing mean about that.

↑ Busybee5

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 5:18 pm

After I get a supper sent in then I always text that night! But before Shabbos when I've had an abundance of things at once, I've definitely left it longer. It's so overwhelming with everything that gets sent in at once!
But a supper, that gets a proper thank you. It was all delicious! I can't thank you enough. We all really enjoyed it..I must get your recipe for that chicken some time! Something like that.

amother

Leaf

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 5:39 pm

It's been a few years since I had a newborn at home. I had really difficult pregnancies followed by C-sections, so I needed a lot of recovery time to feel like myself. I was incredibly grateful for every meal we received. If I knew the person who sent stuff over well enough that they were in my contacts, then I absolutely sent a quick thank you text. If I had to locate the person's number then it might have slipped through the cracks of everything else on my to do list. Hopefully the thank you at the door sufficed.

amother

↑ Topaz ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:02 pm

fleetwood wrote:

It is difficult to comprehend...if someone went to the trouble of cooking you food..take ten seconds to call!!!

Bh that it is difficult for you. I watched one of children’s reaction. The more knocks on the door, the more phone calls or Watts’s app messages or the more deliveries the more they became flustered and started shutting down. I watched them get a lost look in their eyes and then go to their room and not come out. If I was at the door I thanked the people, and told my child who and what. But I wasn’t always there. It took a while until they were strong enough to accomplish daily tasks.
Not every one can function immediately after birth. Birth is a trauma to the body and sometimes brain. Yes a normal part of life, but one that can sap every single piece of energy from you. And without a support system it’s worse.
Thank you to those who help. Thank you to those who understand that help is needed. Thank you to those understanding that the mom ( and dad) are forever great full And will at some point acknowledge that. But not that first or second day or even week.

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:02 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

You keep saying demand. No one is demanding. People are giving suggestions on how someone can be thanked.

Saying you can sent a text it’s no big deal?? Saying my need for a thank you trumps your pain?? Suggestions? Half the people here lack basic mentchlichkeit. When you send meals to a postpartum mother you are doing the mitzvah of bikkur cholim. The minute you have these ugly thoughts of how dare she not thank me you lose all the schar. I cannot believe how low we fell as a nation that all we care about it thanks. This is truly horrifying.