Why did no one thank me?

amother

↑ Forsythia ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:41 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

OP, my mother ע"ה was very strict about sending thank you cards. I remember she said within ten days.
Has ten days passed?

Was she strict with herself to send within 10 days?
Or was she strict about receiving thank yous within 10 days?

amother

Cyclamen

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:43 am

amother OP wrote:

I’m just surprised, 2 of my relatives had babies this week and I sent them both food for shabbos and something for the kiddush. One person told me thanks when I dropped off but thought she’d text me after shabbos (which is what I would do - the stretchie is so pretty, food was delicious etc) and the other person I didn’t see her so I texted her where I left the food (one of her older kids opened the door) and haven’t heard anything from her. She didn’t even reply to that text.
I didn’t send the food to get a thank you, I did it because it’s the right thing, but isn’t that basic manners?

I send thank you cards in the mail. People don’t get them until a week or 2 later.

amother

↑ Burgundy ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:43 am

amother Royalblue wrote:

Well then now is a perfect time to learn my dear. Whole torah is based on this. It says that someone who doesnt have hakaros hatov will end up going against Hashem c"v

Maybe you can learn to be a little less condescending, and then we can talk.

amother

↑ Outerspace ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:43 am

amother Daylily wrote:

Its simple mentchlich to thank a person who spent so much time and energy to send food and gifts. How long does it take to text, "thank you so much"?

It may not take long, but it does take energy that I don't have immediately post partum.

amother

↑ Forsythia ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:46 am

amother Royalblue wrote:

I didn't read all replies, but sorry this is so wrong. Basis of yiddishkeit, and mentchlichkeit, if somoene sends something, you can take one minute to thank. If not, it's very selfish. Let her text while in the bathroom, don't care. No reason not to. Agree to cut the mother some slack. But to blame OP after she send a whole shabbos and a gift, that's really mixed up!

You seem to be missing that NO ONE IS CLAIMING IT'S UNNECESSARY TO THANK OR THAT ITS A GREAT THING TO DO

All that's being stated is that not everyone experiences the same thing, and for some people thanking you isn't a JUST, so try to be more understanding if you don't get a thanks and be DLKZ

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:47 am

amother Royalblue wrote:

Well then now is a perfect time to learn my dear. Whole torah is based on this. It says that someone who doesnt have hakaros hatov will end up going against Hashem c"v

One can have hakaras hatov without saying an immediate thank you. Hakaras hatov is a feeling you have. There is no where in the Torah that says it must be instant and effusive. Stop making up garbage to feed narcissism.

amother

↑ Forsythia ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:49 am

amother Daylily wrote:

Its simple mentchlich to thank a person who spent so much time and energy to send food and gifts. How long does it take to text, "thank you so much"?

Again, simple for many. But let's not judge those for whom it's not simple.

allthingsblue

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:59 am

In summary:
The right thing to do is to say thank you
But some peoele don’t for whatever reason
In that case the right thing to do is to be DLKZ and move on

Are we as good at saying thank You to our Creator as we should be?

amother

↑ Peachpuff ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:01 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Why are you normalizing bad middos?

YOU ARE NOT DISABLED AFTER GIVING BIRTH!

My doula stressed that time and again. You might be in immense pain like I was, stitches, infection, swelling, extreme nipple pain and bleeding, back pain and other stuff but it shouldn't become normal not to thank.

Perhaps get your hubby to type out the text, a child, thank them at a later date, but stop pretending like most new mothers can't just send a one min text. It's beyond me. So entitled.

Exactly what I mentioned a few pages back. Ask DH to type and send it.

amother

↑ Daylily ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:07 am

I have sent tens if not hundreds of times to all kind of family, friends, and others, postpartum, and at no time ever was I not thanked within a day or two for the food I sent.

I have gitten from a quick text of thanks to a song written by the children (not necessary but was so cute).

Any acknowledgement is fine.

Lemonade 2323

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:12 am

I sent a young friend a meal last week. I texted her that I'm sending double of the main course, telling her I cooked it that day, so she can either freeze or keep it fridge for a couple of days.

I didn't hear from her either after the text or after the meal was dropped off, until today when she texted to thank for the meal. She said the extra was so appreciated as her kids loved it, and the extra was so thoughtful pp.

Yes, it took her days to reply, but big deal!

amother

↑ Tiffanyblue ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:16 am

amother Outerspace wrote:

I do not want or expect anything. And if someone can only do a favor for a post partum women if they get an immediate thank you call or text, then please don't send me anything. You're not doing me any favors.
Chazal teach us that we shouldn't do favors for people if we expect recognition in return. We should do favors out of the goodness of our hearts.

That's for the giver to think about. The receiver should never have such thoughts!!

What a weird thread.

Honestly, I'd believe you more but today, I sent someone a gorgeous breakfast. We were in touch a few times this morning to make sure the delivery was on target. Guess what, it's hours later and no call or text. I am fine with that, but how was she so available to shmooze and arrange when she needed something.

You're right, I'll definitely be cutting down on sending suppers. Even when they ask as I usually am, to join meal trains. If they ask for meals, all the more so, the acknowledgment is mandatory at some point!! Even if it is a week later. My relative I sent today is nowhere newly post partum but still fancies nice meals.

BTW, I hardly receive meals myself. I guess I am only food for giving.

I usually do it happily and am DLZ if I don't get thanked but this thread is making me think six times before doing this again.

amother

Tuberose ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:27 am

amother OP wrote:

You posted this 9:30 on Sunday morning complaining about a lack of thank you for shobbos.

These ladies are less than a week postpartum.

This was the latest shobbos of the year.

Nuff said.

Maybe if you posted this next sunday id have some sympathy for you.

amother

↑ Peachpuff ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:31 am

amother Tuberose wrote:

Last shabbos was the latest.

Jalapeño ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:33 am

I'm posting this under my sn because I want to normalize pp problems and the various experiences women have and the support they need, so hoping I don't regret it !

I know I have a very specific situation, but I think it's possible and likely that others have been in similar situations.

I have terrible, terrible ppd.
yes, sending a thank you text is sometimes way more than I can handle. I can barely feed myself, go to the bathroom, exist without everything hurting me for weeks after I give birth. While I'm not "disabled," I'm truly not functioning. I'm just trying to nurse my baby and not literally lose it.

While I greatly appreciate meals because I genuinely can't cook myself, I don't always remember to thank everyone after the fog has lifted (and the meds kicks in). I am sure I've forgotten people, despite being incredibly appreciative!

and also yes, asking my husband to send a text is genuinely the same amount of mental work, if not more. Plus he's doing everything I cannot-- he's caring for everyone else AND me.

I feel truly terrible about not being able to thank everyone sufficiently, but I'm quite literally in survival mode.

Obviously I don't know you or your relatives or the situation you and they are in, but I just wanted to add some perspective that it's really not about manners for some people.

↑ Queen Of Hearts ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:37 am

Cv not judging any moms who may be going through PPD. I'm talking about the average busy, overwhelmed mom.

I'm assuming the same people might be the ones who might not be mannered in other circumstances.
I see lack of manners and mentschlichket All The Time. And it irks me how people can just take what others do for granted.