Why are we over therapizing our children

maestro

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:32 pm

amother DarkKhaki wrote:

Can you please share what they said about screentime?

Sure. Here's the first blog post: https://handsonotrehab.com/scr.....sing/

And here's the one with some solutions to help: https://handsonotrehab.com/scr.....ines/ They showed us some exercises to do as part of their membership that I signed up for.

And I just want to add that reading everyone's comments since yesterday, I am so grateful to be part of their community/membership. More professionals need to learn how to deal with parents from the sister.s When we are living with our children day in and day out, we are the ones to be empowered. Yes - some of us may need help with therapy if there are major issues but it's more important that we have the clarity and confidence to know when to seek further help and to make sure we aren't wasting time and money.

Feeling grateful for having their ear and being reminded always that as a parent, we know best. OP - again, appreciate your post. Thank you.

amother

Amaranthus

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 12:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

I see this on here constantly and it’s been bothering me for a while. For every little issue a mother presents of her child, the immediate reaction is to get a professional involved and send child to therapy.

I feel like when people suggest this to other parents it’s essentially robbing parents of their confidence to deal with issues and ultimately absolving them of their responsibility.

The most responsible thing my parents ever did for me was send me to therapy. Ideally they would have been able to solve my problems, but not every parent knows how to deal with ADHD or OCD or anxiety or depression. Part of the therapy also involved my parents, the therapist helps their relationship with the kid too.

amother OP wrote:

Additionally, I truly believe that when children run the therapy route, it often ends up causing even more damage. Therapy can cause children to ruminate, which creates more problems and can further traumatize them. Addressing every little issue and talking about it often amplifies the issue.

Sometimes talk therapy is not the right approach for children. But there are so many other types of methods, approaches, and skills that can be utilized in therapy for children. Good therapy won't just be harping on the little things all the time and amplifying them or causing rumination. It will help treat the underlying issues and give the children skills to learn to handle the issues.

amother OP wrote:

Why can’t parents speak to their own children, toughen them up, and teach them real life skills.

Again, not all parents know how to do this. Just like not all parents are good candidates to homeschool their children, or teach them an instrument, or teach them to read. Not all parents know how. Not all children can be 'toughened up' by just a parent talking to them. Not all parents know how to impart real life skills. My parents had their own issues and it interfered. Maybe if they had gone to therapy themselves as kids, they would have been able to. After they went to therapy as adults, their parenting and our relationship drastically improved. Also, not all parents know how to deal with real mental health or psychological issues, even minor ones.

amother OP wrote:

I’m so tired of seeing this all the time. We’re creating weak and fragile kids when we give them the message that every negative behavior is problematic and needs intervention or medication.

Therapy and medication didn't make me feel weak, they gave me the tools to be strong. Seeing that my parents were committed to helping me overcome my problems by sending me to therapy and giving me medication when they weren't able to solve my problems actually felt more supportive than anything else they had done, and still empowers me to this day.

amother OP wrote:

I just want to add, I’m not referring to severe issues. Im talking about the typical ODD behavior, ADHD, depression and anxiety.

This are still serious issues, especially in a child. I had ADHD, anxiety, depression, OCD. These are niot things that the average parent or person knows how to deal with in themselves or others. All the talk in the world from my parents, or any toughening up they tried, did not solve these very real mental health issues. Thank G-d for therapy and medication, these issues almost drove me to suicide because they were not fully dealt with until I was in good therapy.

amother OP wrote:

I think parents can do a better job in influencing healthy mindsets in their children if they had more confidence in their ability to parent, say no, and give appropriate consequences when necessary.

My parents said no plenty, gave out plenty of consequences. This didn't make my ADHD or anxiety go away, because parenting doesn't solve mental health conditions or neurodivergence. Therapy helped me overcome these and be a functional member of society, so that was great. My parents having boundaries and consequences was not and could not be enough to achieve that. I am so thankful to the amazing psychologist I had and that medication was available when I really needed it. I am so much happier.

amother

Diamond

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 4:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

The mental health of our youth is declining. Parents are becoming increasingly weaker. Why don’t we take our power back and build strong and resilient children instead of being so focused on making sure they’re happy and perfect.

Agreed. I don’t think that I have all the answers but I do know that I know my children best and have their best interests at heart so why would I hand it over to a stranger? Never been to therapy myself and neither have any of my multiple children and BH we are healthy and happy and navigate life’s challenges the “old-fashioned” way- using common sense, a no one size fits all approach, and with the kids knowing that boundaries are implemented with love. Tfutfutfu am pretty happy with the results so far but am not so full of myself that I would never reconsider if I felt the situation called for it.

princessleah

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 11:26 pm

There seem to be a lot of misconceptions on this thread.

1) children going to therapy doesn’t involve an 8 year old boy lying on the couch talking about his Oedipal complex. Kids engage in play therapy, to work through minor to major issues that may be impeding their progress academically, socially, emotionally, etc

2) nobody is suggesting that a kid should have no boundaries, that parents shouldn’t try. I am pretty sure that not one parent on here had a challenge with a child one day and threw up her hands. “I’m out! Time for therapy!” It is good parenting to be able to recognize when solving a problem exceeds one’s capabilities

3) more kids in therapy these days than in past generations? Great! An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Better to have these coping skills, resilience, etc as early as possible. Then you have them at your fingertips when big, adult-size problems hit you later. Life gets progressively harder. Why not go into it as prepared as possible???

amother

Wine

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 11:40 pm

princessleah wrote:

So well explained. No one should have to wait til they’re in crisis to learn coping skills. I wish I had learned basic DBT skills in elementary school!

amother

Amethyst

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 12:22 am

amother Diamond wrote:

That’s great until you have a neurodivergent child. Be grateful you don’t have. A child who needs therapy because of their difficulties.
It’s not that you’re doing something right, it’s that you weren’t blessed with a child who needs therapy

amother

Maize

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 12:48 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

This is false . My generation tends to be doing a much better job of parenting our children . My children are a lot more resilient then I was and am because I’m learning how to parent properly.

I actually had very good parents, as I'm sure a lot of us did. Not everyone in the old generation did a bad job parenting.

I also don't think the current generation is resilient at all. This is not a negative on this generation, they just don't have to deal with too much. Going back just a few short years, nobody had air conditioning. When it was hot, it was hot. Indoor plumbing is a fairly recent invention. Social security, medicaid, food stamps- all fairly recent. I'm not convinced that if I would be transplanted to the early twentieth century, I would be able to survive, let alone thrive.

amother

Maize

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:35 pm

amother Gray wrote:

This has nothing to do with being resilient.
Resilience comes from being ok emotionally which today's generation looks out for more then the previous ones.
True, some kids today are overly spoiled but there's no need for blanket statements like these.

Today's generations kids have a lot less that they need to be resilient FOR. Praying to G-d that it continue.

My great grandparents generation went through pogroms, typhus, grinding poverty, communism. My grandparents generation went through the Holocaust, the great depression (not to be compared, but the great depression was hard too). My generation (in my fifties) were Holocaust survivors children, but mostly we had it pretty good. And our children and grandchildren have it even better.

I think the next generation is amazing, but they're like hot house flowers. I sincerely hope they stay secure in their hot house.

smarty skirt

Yesterday at 3:43 am

regarding the discussion on teachers sending kids out to be evaluated or not:

Sometimes a child that is the slowest reader in the class, leaves their desk, is frustrated with their work, sometimes seems to not comprehend, doesn't like to read, acts out physically in some way shape or form, needs a specialized eye exam like suny college vision center with their optomotrists or at ODA in Williamsburg as Dr. Warshovsky taught there for 34 years or so. The opthamologists do not do eye muscle work. Seriously, it can affect behavior and seeing a therapist or taking meds, and even diagnosis of adhd can by unecessary if there is vision that needs to be fixed and they need support in the home and at school with their homework, it affect folding clothes, finding objects, putting things away , seriously a child can be appearing to be defiant. Check this EARLY on, very few teachers and principles know how to watch and recommend for this, insurance can cover the vision therapy, suny is the best at it in NY. Please spread the word because it would spare a lot of suffering. There are special prisms, bifocals and vision exersizises for a variety of eye muscle issues!!!!!!!!! It affect the ability to use the eyes even for math and hand eye coordination, sports, etc...balance.....and EMOTIONS majorlly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!