Why are we over therapizing our children

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 1:49 pm

I see this on here constantly and it’s been bothering me for a while. For every little issue a mother presents of her child, the immediate reaction is to get a professional involved and send child to therapy.

I feel like when people suggest this to other parents it’s essentially robbing parents of their confidence to deal with issues and ultimately absolving them of their responsibility.

Additionally, I truly believe that when children run the therapy route, it often ends up causing even more damage. Therapy can cause children to ruminate, which creates more problems and can further traumatize them. Addressing every little issue and talking about it often amplifies the issue.

Why can’t parents speak to their own children, toughen them up, and teach them real life skills.

I’m so tired of seeing this all the time. We’re creating weak and fragile kids when we give them the message that every negative behavior is problematic and needs intervention or medication.

I just want to add, I’m not referring to severe issues. Im talking about the typical ODD behavior, ADHD, depression and anxiety.

I think parents can do a better job in influencing healthy mindsets in their children if they had more confidence in their ability to parent, say no, and give appropriate consequences when necessary.

mha3484

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 1:58 pm

I am not anti therapy but I believe it needs to be skill based and have clear goals. I also think the parents need to be involved and attend sessions.

I sent my oldest to work on specific social and emotional issues and once he met the goals we set he stopped going. To me the key was that it wasn't feelings based. I think that's where it goes south fast.

I have another kid who has some big challenges but he's not a talker so its a waste of money to send him. Instead he goes to a social group this therapist runs. Its way cheaper, he goes with a few friends and he's learning practical skills to get along with people.

I have a third kid with ADHD who cant sit still or be quiet but otherwise he has a lot going for him. Im sure there are people who think ADHD=Therapy but he may be a nut but he has no need to go.

I think the one size fits all therapy for everyone mindset serves no one but I also cant teach my kid everything and there is no shame in asking for help.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 2:06 pm

I accordingly just started for my 13 year old who has ADHD, and emotional stuff. First I was told not to send him anywhere because he doesn't open up or isn't ready for therapy. I ended up finding a play therapist who is meeting him where he's at and working on building up trust. He's happy to go. And I'm happy that he's getting a positive experience of therapy because he may need therapy for many many years to come.I will add that I have another kid who technically can use therapy. Anxious, won't go to sleep in thunderstorms. Will hurt me (8 year old) but I feel that with my own work in therapy I can support and help him so I'm holding off.

amother

DarkGray

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 2:14 pm

I've never sent any of my kids to therapy nor have I consulted with professionals regarding their upbringing. I often write on here that talk therapy is overrated and I stand by that.

Having said that, I recently considered therapy for one of my children for the sole reason that it's easier for them to hear things and accept certain things from other people. They don't take well to me trying to "educate" them. They get very defensive. They'll hear it easier from someone else.

amother

Oak

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 2:16 pm

I was in therapy for anxiety as a teen. Without it, I don't think I'd know how to function today.
And my parents did not think the situation was so serious or extreme. So you cant say, 'well that situation was clearly an atypical one'

I would not have accomplished what I did, if my parents tried to help me directly
And if my parents had "been involved and attended sessions" then I would not have participated at all

I don't even think my parents realize that I found it helpful. But it changed my life.

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 2:40 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

That was her point. Too many parents lack the skills because we have undermined their confidence with all this therapy push.

That’s just naive. More like because they had a traumatic upbringing or didn’t learn tools in their house. When I was growing up we all just suffered at the hands of parents who had no tools to help us. No one went to therapy. And we have so many issues to show for it. Now we can stop the cycle and I don’t see why we would have grandiose ideas that we can fix it all ourselves.

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 2:41 pm

amother Honeydew wrote:

Too many parents don’t have the tools to help their kids. What do you suggest they do? Just ignore the issues and let their kids suffer and live the worst life possible?

I don’t believe this to be true. I think most parents have the tools to help their kids, they just don’t believe they do.

Again, it’s because so many teachers, therapists, administrators and higher ups are constantly encouraging therapy for every negative behavior, parents lose their confidence.

I’m not suggesting that parents be the therapists themselves. I’m merely pointing out that parents have a lot more power of influence than we care to acknowledge.

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 2:43 pm

amother Honeydew wrote:

The mental health of our youth is declining. Parents are becoming increasingly weaker. Why don’t we take our power back and build strong and resilient children instead of being so focused on making sure they’re happy and perfect.

amother

Wallflower

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 2:45 pm

amother Honeydew wrote:

So if this is the case, the parents should be the ones going to therapy to learn the skills to teach their children.

One parent goes to therapy instead of all children.

amother

Moonstone

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 2:55 pm

The schools play a role in this too. Every kid who is a little bit difficult to deal with, they demand you send the kid to therapy or they won't be allowed back in school. I know of a family that spent thousands on a neuropsych evaluation using a professional THE SCHOOL PICKED and then when it came back the kid didn't have autism and did not require the level of support the school said they needed, they tried to strong arm the parents into spending more thousands for a second opinion. Parents pulled them out but ended up putting them in a specialized yeshiva anyway because no one else would take the kid. Also, once a kid is labeled, the label sticks.

I have kids with adhd and asd, I'm not saying those things aren't very real and very challenging, they are. And some level of support is great. But when my oldest outgrew a lot of things and became more high functioning and wanted to stop some of the therapies he was getting, there was soooo much pushback about how he wasn't ready and still had this and that issue. I kid you not, one therapist said he's not socially normal because he asked a friend to borrow a dollar while there were on an outing and he was a dollar short for something he wanted. As if this type of interaction doesn't happen literally every day between kids of that age with no diagnoses (and yes, the kid lent the dollar, and my son paid him back the next day). I'm getting more and more jaded about everything by the day, honestly.

amother

Vanilla

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 3:10 pm

Therapy doesn’t usually cause kids to ruminate— it typically helps lessen the ruminations. We give them a time and a place to share their worries and help them learn to manage them the rest of the week. Should there be a reason why kids go to therapy? Sure. Not every kid needs it. But don’t minimize its value. And don’t suggest it causes issues that it doesn’t. I’ve yet to work with a child teen or adult who was caused to ruminate more because of therapy.

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 3:12 pm

amother Moonstone wrote:

I agree, the schools play a massive role in this issue. They can’t deal with a kid, so they require therapy for the child. A parent can’t deal with the kid, send to therapy. It’s like nobody but the therapists can help a child. Ridiculous.

The solution is to learn about what children really need in order to thrive and be resilient in the world. Giving them meaningful responsibilities, giving them a sense of belonging, fostering independence and learning from mistakes.

I have been a teacher for several years, have taught over 100 students. I have NEVER suggested to a parent to have a child evaluated or sent to therapy. My students did well in my classroom (even the naturally inattentive ones) because I understood them. I knew how to engage them and make them feel part of classroom community. My students felt liked and felt that they belonged, and they had motivation to succeed.

I had confidence that I can reach each student, and so I did.

I’m no therapist, and yet I’ve been able to help the struggling kids succeed.

Success10

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 3:12 pm

amother Honeydew wrote:

It’s always good when everyone has the answer of work harder and do it all yourself. Definitely leads to safe situations for the kids.

You wind up working LESS because you don't have to pay for therapy Very Happy

If your kid needs help and you're not equipped, or overwhelmed, then yes, get your kid to a therapist. Just therapy is so pushed these days that sometimes parents don't even entertain the notion that they can help the child themselves.