How do you shop for teen?

Elfrida

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 9:32 am

Gwt her sewing lessons, preferably including g the basics of design, and let her make her own, unique clothes, exactly the way she wants them.

Or at least she can learn to shorten a hem to the length she wants

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 9:49 am

amother Lemonchiffon wrote:

Waiting for her to realize won't help her learn. You need to decide what is realistic and sensible for you to do to help her with shopping, and let her know clearly. No more guilt for you, you know you're a good mother.
Inevitably, she'll be pushed into a place that's uncomfortable for her. Let her be there, don't save her. That's where growth happens.

Omg this is the hardest part for me. I have to do it but I hate it.
I just opened up her box of things she put away that she won't wear. Anybody would be very happy with these brand new outfits, tags still on. This is not normal. This stuff isn't even a year old.

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 9:56 am

amother OP wrote:

I don't get it, she bought clothes and never wore them? Why?

amother

Steel

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 11:21 am

As a mother of teens, this does not sound in the range of normal/healthy behavior. It sounds like anxiety and it’s getting in the way of her life (because she’s spending hours, has no clothing, drives you and sales ladies crazy…) You might want to consider therapy for it. A therapist explained to ds that his rigidity and difficulty making decisions was anxiety and he needs to learn to push past the uncomfortable feelings (that deciding “a” brings up in him) and just go with it instead of running away from those feelings (and changing his mind again and again every time he didn’t feel perfect about his decision…)

BH he really worked on it and is soooooo much better. He only went to three therapy sessions for it but it really helped.

Just something to consider because this sounds a little more extreme than what is typical.

Hatzlacha!

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 11:39 am

amother Steel wrote:

Thank you!
I know I drove my mother crazy about shopping and I'm getting my payback but this is total insanity.
It's a circus here, my husband is going through her clothing with her and laying down reality. He insists her bathrobe is a hoodie, weekday outfits are shabbos. It's hilarious but actually going to the other crazy extreme is helping.

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 12:24 pm

Coffee beanz wrote:

I don't live in town so do a lot online at the jewish stores. Double header has skirts that are great. My teen find a skirt they like and I buy a bunch of them to wear. As in 5 of the same skirt

I also tailor as needed it's worth it for them to actually wear it.
Shabbos clothing I drive an hour plus one time a season if need be but do most of my shopping online. I try to buy early so I can return.

I do usually need to go to at least 3 stores in person and countless websites.

Is your daughter feeling worried about her appearance or fitting in at camp? Maybe that's why it's extra hard now

I offered many times to tailor her skirts and dresses. She told me it's not worth it.

Chayalle

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 1:00 pm

It does sound like something over-the-top is going on with her regarding wearing clothes. I mean, some of this is normal for teens, but it sounds like your teen takes it a few notches beyond.
My teen is in her room packing (or was....sounds like she's downstairs having a snack break) and I just asked her how many tee-shirts she has. She cheekily answered "three!" while showing me a ziplock bag full of folded tee-shirts. I presume she likes three of them to her standards (there are another two in the mail that will hopefully come in time that she ordered). And the rest she's gonna manage with.....
She went thru her skirts and has 4 she really likes, and a few she is grudgingly taking along for "emergencies"....
Your teen needs to overcome whatever is holding her back from living with reality....the question is what that is. It doesn't sound social, really, because if that were the case, she would be wanting to be trendy or dress however her friends are dressing. My teen is like this. The minute "everyone's" wearing it it's suddenly stunning.
It sounds more like something fixed in her own mind about how she feels she must always look.

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 1:15 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Yes but what and how?

amother

Lemonchiffon

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 9:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's super hard but a great opportunity for growth (for everyone involved)

Side note, why are you packing away these new clothes?

amother

Babypink

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 9:21 pm

She should able to find tshirts. Fame has tons. We were there yesterday I said we’re not leaving till u get 3 tshirts. Whatever I picked she didn’t like so I said pick yourself or the sales lady helped her and we were there an hour and a half and we left with 3 tshirts and she wore one today so bh. You need to give her an ultimatum. We’re going to Brooklyn southwest and not leaving without 2 skirts that’s what I did on Sunday and it worked

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 9:56 pm

amother Lemonchiffon wrote:

It's super hard but a great opportunity for growth (for everyone involved)

Side note, why are you packing away these new clothes?

Thanks for the support, we're muddling through. She's very upset and spent the day with friends out of the house.

She doesn't have so much closet space so I had told her to pack away whatever doesn't fit her.
I was horrified when I opened the box this morning, so much clothing.
I asked her to try on her brand new adidas I bought last year, pretending we need to check the size. Later I saw her quietly bring them to her room. I hope at least she'll wear them as a second pair.
I think I'll take her shoe shopping for a limited amount of time tomorrow to sweeten the deal.

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 9:58 pm

amother Babypink wrote:

In the past she would buy things and then refuse to wear them a week later. Hope your daughter is more flexible.