Teen, Needs and Hardtail: a poll

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Were you “deprived” of brand names growing up (of Lacoste shirts, Juicy, Tiffany bracelets- NOT food, clothing, etc)

I was deprived and until this day I am negatively affected (describe how)

11%

[ 33 ]

I was “deprived” and it bothered me to sometimes but then I grew up and realized my parents had a point, the desire for materialism never ends and brand names are luxuries, not needs

47%

[ 137 ]

I was deprived and it didn’t bother me, I was confident

40%

[ 117 ]

Total Votes : 287

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:39 pm

See below!

amother

Wallflower

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:49 pm

I was deprived of the in things, it bothers me and I don’t think my parents handled it the right way. I think it bothers my parents as well, they were kind of clueless and feel bad that they didnt get what was done. I do things differently with my kids but not to the level I read about here. Hopefully my kids will see it as a healthy balance.
To give an example, growing up we used old not so nice linen for camp, a flat sheet when everyone else had decent looking duvet covers. My kids get the $85 sets from the frum stores so they look nice but they don’t break the bank. It’s a one time purchase, we use it every year for camp and for extra guest linen in between.

amother

Oxfordblue

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:53 pm

It didn't exist in my world.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:55 pm

Brand names were not such a thing in my day but I never fit in. My clothing were weird, I was weird, my parents were weird. Everything about me was a little bit off socially. Mostly because my mother wore being different as a badge of pride and scorned people who fit in. She didnt even try which made it worse.

I managed ok as a kid but was embarrassed a lot. These days Im a lot healthier about it. I dont go running after every trend and im not a slave to brands but I do maintain normal standards.

My boys get tiros. My bochurim get the nice leather tefillin bag. They get decent sneakers. My kids are dressed nicely even if not expensively. I get my daughters the cute knapsack and little toys her friends have. I buy them the right style clothing even if its the imitation of the real thing. I have decent furniture that isnt broken. I am not super in to fashion but I dress appropriately for the occasion and dont wear embarrassing things. Im normal and I make an effort to fit into thw range of normal even if im not following every trend.

amother

Anemone

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:56 pm

I was told no, but I didnt feel deprived, because my parents did spend money on other things that they felt made sense.
Also they were very open about money with me (my mother always listened to Dave Ramsey's show out loud, and takked to me about how crazy spending because of peer pressure can lead to crazy debt), and they really showed me how stupid it was to spend so much money just for a brand...I grew up looking down on the sheep in my class who all chased after the Juicy bracelets etc instead of being jealous of them

GLUE

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:00 pm

You forgot the one in which I did not know I was deprived

amother

Thistle

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:07 pm

I never cared much about trends even as a kid, so the few times I really wanted something, they were happy to get it because I didn't ask for much. There was one time I vividly remember that they didn't get me something I wanted, not because of money but because of values. I wanted a tamagatchi and they said no because it would be a distraction. And sure, I wasn't happy then, but now I understand that they were right. Alas, these days, the items that can cause distraction are wayyyy worse! Wish it was just tamagatchis.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:13 pm

I voted middle option but I think deprived is the wrong word. Deprived sounds very extreme.

Yes I never got brand name,
Yes sometimes I wanted it

Then I understood a little bit why not and now I fully understand

amother

Moccasin

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:14 pm

It bothered mea lit as a kid, I desperately wanted to fit in, but I learned that if you don't have money you don't buy things by borrowing on credit. Sometimes lessons are learned best by experience.

amother

Teal

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:15 pm

Where the option not deprived and never cared about brand names.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:15 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

That’s very nice but for some people $85 most definitely breaks the bank

BaltoMom65

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:17 pm

It also didn't exist in my world

amother

Peru

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:18 pm

I'm in my midthirties, from LA. Didn't exist when I was a teen in my world.

amother

Lotus

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:18 pm

I used babysitting money to buy these things. So I don't have any negative feelings of being deprived but I certainly didn't "get" these things from parents.

peace2

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:22 pm

I would not use the word "deprived" for my experience but I chose the middle option. My parents bought me all my needs plus some wants, and were clear about the fact that I was welcome to fill in with my own money that they encouraged me to earn. There were times as a teenager where I wished they would just buy things for me but even then I appreciated that they were preparing me for real life by allowing me to learn to make choices about spending my money. If I wouldn't spend my own money on something why should they spend theirs?

amother

Impatiens

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:28 pm

Brand name when I was a kid (80s-90s) was a biz skirt and a champion sweatshirt. I had both but they weren’t expensive. There was no teen luxury items back then. What I was deprived of: gameboy/Nintendo. Minority resentful but as I grew I knew my parents were right. I deprive my children of lots of thing others may have and give them lots of things others don’t. No family is the same and no parents are the same

amother

Yolk

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:41 pm

I never got the point in brand names. We got a bag with some designer clothes for my girls. I really hope people can tell they are hand me downs and don't think I spoil my kids. They get 2 shabbos outfits twice a year. I hated the idea of juicy and I didn't wear clothes with words on them as a teen.

effess

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:41 pm

I would not use the word deprived for my childhood. It was never a thing to get those things. I knew we couldn’t but so were most of my classmates like me. Only the rich kids had those things.

Last edited by effess on Mon, Jul 01 2024, 12:07 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Cognac

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:50 pm

I went to a super into brands school, like beyond beyond and when I finally got a brand name sweatshirt I knew something was wrong.... turned out a parent who was sick was actually deathly ill.
Don't send to a school that you can't keep up with. I don't care if they have good English teachers, it is just not fair to the child. I was a confident kid, had friends but really struggled by not having the basic level that everyone (and yes everyone except around 4 social outcasts out of a typical class size) had. This impacted me very much and I struggled with meaningful friendships always feeling less then when really I had so much to bring to the table. No matter how much self confidence a child (or even an adult!) Has, it is a healthy and normal thing to want to be similar to those around you. Think about it- we tend to choose a shul, school, neighborhood based on similarities etc- your child didn't choose where you are sending them, you did. So choose wisely.
Don't send to a school or camp that there isn't enough of a mix.
I now make sure my kids have enough in their wardrobe/toys/school things to not stick out either way, not too in, and not too out either.

amother

Mayflower

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:53 pm

I was deprived of things that were in literally just because they were in.
Now I look at the stuff and it was all so cheap. What's wrong with buying something just to make your kid happy? like a 20 dollar backpack that's just like all the other girls why not?
Even an American girl doll what's 100 dollars?

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