Why does anyone feel the need to say, I live in such and such a place and thats hard and then someone else will come and say, well not as hard as where I live because we dont have (insert whatever). Please, get over it, it isnt a contest.
Someone somewhere here on imamother once posted a clip where three Brits were competing whose life was harder, until one of them came to the point to exclaim that they lived in a shoebox!!!
Please can someone dig it up for us, it was such a chuckler!!!!!
Thanks Hashem Yaazor, for finding it!
Last edited by kitov on Thu, Jul 07 2011, 7:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
I dont understand how anyone can judge someone else and say how easy or hard their life should be based on your own life and your own experiences. I am home schooling, so I dont get much a of a break from my kids (obvouosly) I dont have a cleaner, I make my own bread, yoghurt, have chickens for our own eggs etc. etc.
How would this entitle me to say that someone else should be able to handle or cope with what I am coping with or dealing with?
Snipped for space
Wow. There are people that still understand that no two people are alike, or at least have to be alike.
No need to say thank you I just got so upset at the wa you were spoken to, it's really unfair and wrong. You dont deserve it and you are doing really well and coping amazingly. I am really excited about your new apartment btw! Moving is stressful though (I have moved a lot of times), so be kind to yourself, ok! Dont listen to anyone telling you anything that makes you feel bad, dont respond, they are not worth your time and energy.
As to the anonymous amother, how despicable to judge someone and be so mean and not even have the decency to do it face to face so to speak. You are hiding under anonymity and think you can be cruel and demeaning because no one will know who you are! You ought to apologise for the hurt you caused Mamabear and anyone else who has a hard time whether or not you'd cope like a "champ" (a real champ who feels the need to put someone else down-please!) and feels less as a result of you.
I despise super-moms, not being one myself. Especially cowardly, supercilious, hurtful ones! FEH!
Is this your refrigerator? Or is it really the milk? Because we live out of town so probably have to deal with it taking longer to get to our stores, but when I buy milk - and I'm buying a gallon or so at a time - it's usually fine for a good week. Maybe talk to your grocer or other shoppers.
And BTW, I'm one of those who had a number of typical kids etc. B"H. No complaints but all I remember is the fog ;-) I've got to know kids now with various issues, through different jobs and I really have an appreciation of what you describe. Hats off to you (to be replaced instantly and seamlessly with a snood or sheitel, mustn't go uncovered, but YKWIM ).
Well I guess we'll all think twice before complaining publicly b/c people will just complain about our complaining.
Regarding the milk, my own experience in NY is that the expiration date is never more than a few days away so in a week it's on it's way to spoiling. When I travel away from NY, the dates go well over a week out so I can buy an extra gallon and it's fine. This is regular milk, though.
Well I guess we'll all think twice before complaining publicly b/c people will just complain about our complaining.
??? I hear you. We can join forces & moan together, but you may prefer to be a solitary moaner. Or a member of a moaner troupe. The possibilities are limitless.
it depends on what brand you buy. I buy golden flow, and it definitely lasts a week. I have had problems with other brands, and I know there was a dairy plant shut down for not heating the milk to the proper temperatures, which would explain why the milk was spoiling so quickly. as long as you don't leave the milk out for extended periods of time (especially in the summer) the milk should not go bad that quickly. I did have a problem with this at some point until I realized that my fridge temp had been set warmer by mistake. make sure your fridge is set properly.
Well I guess we'll all think twice before complaining publicly b/c people will just complain about our complaining.
??? I hear you. We can join forces & moan together, but you may prefer to be a solitary moaner. Or a member of a moaner troupe. The possibilities are limitless.
Moaner camp song, anyone???
I'll start. TTTO hello mudda
Calisthenics
Bend and stretcha
Here we are at
Camp We Kvetcha
Well I guess we'll all think twice before complaining publicly b/c people will just complain about our complaining.
It'll be a frosty Friday before you hear me complaining, I'll tell ya! I don't wanna be labelled Lady Kvetch-A-Lot. But the bashing of Mama Bear cuts me to the quick - if this web site is a safe place for us to vent, ask questions, get support, and so on, then MB - and everyone else, for that matter - should feel perfectly comfortable blowing off a little steam when she has a rough day, or rough week. Otherwise, we're fostering a site where all we can talk about is recipes, rainbows, and puppies. Nice, frothy, entertaining but not especially authentic. And not very useful either because I can have superficial and artificial relationships with anyone, but I expect more on a site from Jewish women. This site should be a sisterhood in the truest sense of the word, and I'm reminded of those awful Venus vs. Mars articles which say that "guys always want to fix things so don't complain unless you want a pile of suggestions, because venting is a chick thang". We're all chicks (unless there's been some trollery) so I'm pledging to not try to "fix" anyone else's problems unless they have specifically asked for solutions.
I actually like MB posts because they're refereshingly honest.
She is not perfect and doesn't claim to know everything. Just like most of us.
I find the posters who frugal spotless in love with their kids and lifestyle every second no matter what supermoms to be borderline annoying. Especially when they think that people who struggle need to be taught their ways.
Let's support each other here and please let's continue to be real. It's why I'm here.
And yes, I agree, yishuv life IS laid back. Not in terms of errands, that I agree is tougher with everything out of reach. But there are definitely fewer errands, less things to erledig. And I know this firsthand, so don't just dismiss this claim by calling me a chutznik.
Explain what you mean then? Won't dismiss it.
The only way its more laid back is less horn honking and less traffic.
And less furnished apartments so less cleaning to do, less questionable elements on the street so more unsupervised kiddie play on the streets, almost all houses are flats so less exhausting stair climbing to do, smaller population so less simchas to attend and prepare for and get ready for, fewer school hours so fewer homework and less tasks for a mother, and on and on.
Kitov, I am not sure what yishuv you live on, but where I lived (and will live again soon) and where I have friends and family, the things that you wrote dont really jive.
less furnished apartments so less cleaning to do - have you seen the sizes of some houses now on yishuvim? some are very very very large.
less questionable elements on the street so more unsupervised play on the streets - again, I dont know where you lived, but the yishuvim that I know, there is NO playing on the street at all during the week. Children know that on shabbat it is ok, but during the week? Never.
Again, about houses being flat, less stair climbing, the yishuv where I lived, there are are almost no one story homes, mostly two and three floor homes.
Fewer school hours - I am not sure why this would be different for yishuvim children than city dwelling children.
I LOVED your posts in this thread. They were real and I felt so validated reading them. I really enjoy the way you put things down, your style of writing is refreshingly honest and delightful at the same time.
And yeh....that post about folding the stroller and getting onto the bus, could make a great article some day. Really.
Last time I looked a this thread it was 10 pages shorter I think and I only skimmed it then. I've read a few pages back now.
I dont understand how anyone can judge someone else and say how easy or hard their life should be based on your own life and your own experiences. I am home schooling, so I dont get much a of a break from my kids (obvouosly) I dont have a cleaner, I make my own bread, yoghurt, have chickens for our own eggs etc. etc.
How would this entitle me to say that someone else should be able to handle or cope with what I am coping with or dealing with? Someone else might have a cleaner and have kids in school and have one child instead of 2 but their life could still be more stressful for them then my life is to me. This doesnt mean they are weaker or manage their time worse then I do, it means they are different. They have strengths that I do not have and have hardships I dont have. How could I Chava (chavs to you) say that Mamabear or anyone else *should* manage better? I am not her! Unless you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes and have had their life and the kochos H-shem gave them then you cant judge.
Why is it a competition in who has it the hardest and who is coping best with their lot? Are you ppl so in need of validation that you need to put someone else down to feel good? Think about how you make others feel.
I am sure living in Israel is hard, I am sure living in America is hard, its all hard, everyone have their own nisiyonos that other ppl cant possibly understand. Why does anyone feel the need to say, I live in such and such a place and thats hard and then someone else will come and say, well not as hard as where I live because we dont have (insert whatever). Please, get over it, it isnt a contest.
You all have it hard, no need to point out why your pekel is harder.
As to the anonymous amother, how despicable to judge someone and be so mean and not even have the decency to do it face to face so to speak. You are hiding under anonymity and think you can be cruel and demeaning because no one will know who you are! You ought to apologise for the hurt you caused Mamabear and anyone else who has a hard time whether or not you'd cope like a "champ" (a real champ who feels the need to put someone else down-please!) and feels less as a result of you.
To mamabear and anyone else who can admit that you are having a hard time. You are brave and you are dong great, you dont need to get others to understand, you dont need their understanding. Some ppl will never get it. Its ok that you are having a hard time and that life is hard. I dont mean that its ok that life has dealt you such a hand, I mean that its ok for you to not find it easy. It isnt easy and there is nothing wrong with you for dealing with it the way you are. You sound like you are dealing very well btw despite of how hard it is.
I hope this is coming out like I mean it to come out. Dont feel bad and dont let others tell you that you are not doing good, you are. Dont answer them either as others said, they are not worth it!
When did this sense of entitlement come about? Perhaps right around when chosson presents and kalla jewels which break the bank came into vogue? Or maybe around the time young couples "couldn't" get married without the parents paying for a lavish wedding and home furnishings? Are any of the "camp is a right and a necessity even for SAHMs without money" people really reading what they are writing?
Since when is it okay for (healthy) people who have children decide "I can't handle it", "someone give me tzedaka so I don't have to spend a summer entertaining my children"?
Since when is "everyone is doing it" an excuse for those who can't afford it and are home to take of their children to beg for tzedaka so their kids can go to camp?
Since when is it not okay for children to have less financial resources to learn the (hard) facts of life?
Since when is the summer an excuse for a struggling mother to rely on take out, even if she can't afford it?
I read the excuse of "a weak generation" here over and over. And over again. Is that the only way to explain such behavior? That gives us permission to throw money at anything that gives us the slightest bit of stress, even if it means taking a hand-out for that? What kind of people choose to live that way? This is certainly NOT the Jewish way or mentality.
Camp is in place for children to be entertained during the summer. It solves a lot of "what shall I do all summer with the kids" problems for many parents, particularly those who work. Camp has ALWAYS been there. But "everyone" going hasn't. If you could afford it: great. If you were a working parent, it was a must. But for a whole bunch of kids with HEALTHY SAHMs to have a "need" to go to camp, or for their mother not to be able to figure out what to do with them? What is the message here?
I didn't read through this thread but I had to respond to the holier than thou tone on this post. I agree we live in a spiled generation to a point, and than many people do things because they feel not up top par if they don't but who are you to decide what that is? for one person, washing the dishes relaxes them, for another who lets say has allergic kids and has to cook constantly, she may feel she cannot climb out of the dishes without that machine. everything is relative.
as far as camp/day camp being a luxury, its true it didn't used to be a must, but we live in a different world than what used to be.
in the old days kids didn't need the kind fo supervision they get today. most kids had at least a couple of friends not going to camp so after breakfast they'd grab their bikes and parents didn't expect to see them again until they rode back home all breathless til supper. they would play stickball, marbles, hopscotch, keeping themselves occupied and coming back in when ices were required. and for a couple of hours of the day, they go to different friends houses and the mothers would give them snacks and do crafts with them til they wanted to go back out. 25 to 30 years ago yes this was the norm.
nowadays, 1:any kid who stays home will likely have no peer company and 2: nowadays you can't just tell them to go out and play. its a sick world, kids need constant supervision, we can't just send them out and assume they'll come home before dark safe and sound. and for parents to provide constant supervision together with constant stimulation is exhausting and often allows for nothing else to get done. it also depends on the mother's energy level and the home. perhaps if you have a playroom and a backyard where the kids can play and run and you hav work with them then fine, but what if you live on a 5 floor walkup in boro park with 3 kids and no porch? the kids and the mother will go stir crazy and there are only so many hours you can spend at the park.
just because someone is a stay at home mother doesn't mean they have nothing to do but play with the kids all day. most women who stay home stay home for a reason, not just the kick back and chill while the kids are in school/camp.
also you have to look at the temperment of the child. for example, my little one might be able to stay home but my big girl craves company constantly. she can spend five hours at one friends house and then go immediately to another friend for another 3. she has boundless energy, hates to play alone and I cannot devote the hours and the strenght she would need from me were she to be home for the summer. with every one of her friend in camp, she would have no company but me and a tagalong sister for weeks and we'd all be miserable. I don't feel day camp is a luxury in her case no matter how much the price squeezes the heck out of us and you are not one to decide otherwise.
And yes, I agree, yishuv life IS laid back. Not in terms of errands, that I agree is tougher with everything out of reach. But there are definitely fewer errands, less things to erledig. And I know this firsthand, so don't just dismiss this claim by calling me a chutznik.
Explain what you mean then? Won't dismiss it.
The only way its more laid back is less horn honking and less traffic.
And less furnished apartments so less cleaning to do, less questionable elements on the street so more unsupervised kiddie play on the streets, almost all houses are flats so less exhausting stair climbing to do, smaller population so less simchas to attend and prepare for and get ready for, fewer school hours so fewer homework and less tasks for a mother, and on and on.
Kitov, I am not sure what yishuv you live on, but where I lived (and will live again soon) and where I have friends and family, the things that you wrote dont really jive.
less furnished apartments so less cleaning to do - have you seen the sizes of some houses now on yishuvim? some are very very very large.
less questionable elements on the street so more unsupervised play on the streets - again, I dont know where you lived, but the yishuvim that I know, there is NO playing on the street at all during the week. Children know that on shabbat it is ok, but during the week? Never.
Again, about houses being flat, less stair climbing, the yishuv where I lived, there are are almost no one story homes, mostly two and three floor homes.
Fewer school hours - I am not sure why this would be different for yishuvim children than city dwelling children.
Well my kids play on the street as do most of their friends. I mean on the street, not just outside...but then our street dead-ends. Kids also play on other streets, again, mostly dead-ends but there are several streets like that. There are also several parks and lots where the kids run free. It really isn't playing IN the streets as much as they are out of the house and everywhere...just running about...and till quite late as well. Most of my 12 year olds friends are up till late; though many times that means they are in our living-room!
That doesn't mean that camp isn't necessary for some kids. It is; whether on a Yishuv or not.
30 years ago (in America) I decided to stay home for half the summer and attend day camp for only one half. I tried to visit my friends, but no one was home.
"Out on the streets" doesn't work in my mixed city. Once kaitana is over, it will be "home on the computer" (which we don't think ideal) or "I need money for the pool and buses to the beach and ice cream and an amusement park" - at least some days. Or Ima ends up shelpping kids on buses all day to do...something...anything!
Kids cost anyway in money and time and energy - why not through an organized program? Organizations should continue to subsidize for those in need, and people should support these organizations for all their worthy activities.
).
??? I hear you. 
We can join forces & moan together, but you may prefer to be a solitary moaner. Or a member of a moaner troupe. The possibilities are limitless.
