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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Dec 29 2024, 9:21 am
The title says it all.
No money = not being able to feed my family normally
No money = not being able to send kids to camp
No more = more stress life
No money = not having a happy marriage
No money = not being able to go to therapy
No money = no vacation
No money = the list goes on and on
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amother
Camellia
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 10:31 am
My Auschwitz survivor bubby A"H used to say this all the time in her Hungarian accent... I remember it so clearly. She was so wise.
Yes. You are a thousand percent correct. When you have no money, life is much harder.
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amother
Puce
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 10:36 am
I'm going to disagree.
Life may be harder, paying your bills may be harder.
But happiness? That's a state of mind that needs to be worked on.
I grew up poor with a capital p. No money for basics, no vacations to speak of.
But we grew up happy, content and secure and healthy emotionally and mentally.
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amother
Sienna
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 11:15 am
| amother Puce wrote: | I'm going to disagree.
Life may be harder, paying your bills may be harder.
But happiness? That's a state of mind that needs to be worked on.
I grew up poor with a capital p. No money for basics, no vacations to speak of.
But we grew up happy, content and secure and healthy emotionally and mentally. |
Please do share how your parents achieved this
I'm struggling
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amother
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 11:52 am
| amother Sienna wrote: | Please do share how your parents achieved this
I'm struggling |
Not this poster but going through this now… I won’t lie. It’s not easy at all.
1st step is realizing your powerlessness to influence or change the situation in any way.
It all Hashem and this is His plan for You. And it’s not by chance. Every single thing, including the bills, the lack, the frustration- it’s from love. He loves you. He wants the best for you. We can’t understand why we have to suffer.
It’s not our fault. There’s nothing we can be doing better. There’s nothing dh can be doing better. Even if he is hopeless at making a living, if Hashem wanted us to be rich we would be…
2nd - finding what to appreciate in it. Bh were healthy, BH I scrounged my cabinets and made homemade pizza for my kids today! Hodu LaHashem. Kids follow our lead. When we process our negative angry emotions through music/Tefillah/Hisbodedus/inspirational classes (I enjoy Gedale Fenster but different things give me that little boost of inspiration when I need it) we can learn to nurture and care for our kids even with feeling so lacking ourselves and they will be fine. Yesterday I learned that those that have dealt with poverty and creditors won’t see Gehinom in Olam Haba and it made my day.
3rd- don’t focus all your time on this. Give yourself 1-2 hours to get yourself okay and then get busy with other things.. Get out of the house even if you can’t buy anything!
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amother
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 11:56 am
I recently found this amazing Shiur and I’ve been doing the exercises… it is slowly changing my mindset
The Law Of Attraction: Does It Work? Is It Kosher? can It Manifest Miracles? Rabbi Doniel Katz #213 - Coach Menachem Bernfeld
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amother
Powderblue
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 12:30 pm
no money- also equals no emotional energy to hear shiurim
no money= so much stress around chagim, no chanukah presents
no money= so much stress in the morning because boys dont have enough pants
no money= not enough snacks around
no money =no boots, spent the whole day at work with wet socks
no money= such a messy house becasue I work all day and no house keeper.
no money= sp many broken things int he house - cant afford a fix it guy
and the list foes on and on and on and on.....
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amother
Teal
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 5:58 pm
I would just like to make you aware that, regardless of what your Bubbie said or meant, in the US in the 21st century, "no money no honey" means "if you don't pay you will receive no s@xual favors." It can be said by a professional s@x worker (how's that for a euphemism?) who wants to be paid in advance or by anyone who's being pressured for s@x and intends to be compensated for it in some way.
Please don't use this expression in polite company. Or even impolite company. And certainly not within earshot of your kids, who will pick it up innocently enough, just as you did, with results that may range from embarrassing to unthinkable.
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amother
Celeste
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Mon, Dec 30 2024, 12:04 am
| amother Puce wrote: | I'm going to disagree.
Life may be harder, paying your bills may be harder.
But happiness? That's a state of mind that needs to be worked on.
I grew up poor with a capital p. No money for basics, no vacations to speak of.
But we grew up happy, content and secure and healthy emotionally and mentally. |
When there's no money and kids have to wear torn tights and shoes to school, and wife doesn't have any pantyhose or an extra dollar to buy a pair, it's a problem. THe stress is unbelievable and it boils over in many ways. Hapiness is a state of mind, but hard to be blissful when the school is calling you to pick up child who came down w flu and vomited and you don't have an extra dollar for pantyhose to leave the house, let alone the car service to pick up the child and then to go to dr.
Let's face it -- as was described at the Agudah convention -- a family of 5 kids with parents earning (on the books) $300,000.00 can barely make ends meet.
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amother
Snowdrop
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Mon, Dec 30 2024, 12:27 am
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Agree. Even problems that money can’t technically solve it can definitely cushion it.
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amother
Acacia
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Mon, Dec 30 2024, 12:52 am
| amother Oatmeal wrote: | I recently found this amazing Shiur and I’ve been doing the exercises… it is slowly changing my mindset
The Law Of Attraction: Does It Work? Is It Kosher? can It Manifest Miracles? Rabbi Doniel Katz #213 - Coach Menachem Bernfeld | Thank you for sharing
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amother
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Mon, Dec 30 2024, 1:10 am
There's nothing wrong with grieving the devastating craziness of situation. It's very healthy.
The same way someone who has an unhealthy spouse can grieve the loss of their marriage in the way that they believe most people experience it or someone who experienced a loss can grieve the loss of the person they loved...
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amother
Iris
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Mon, Dec 30 2024, 2:52 am
| amother Puce wrote: | I'm going to disagree.
Life may be harder, paying your bills may be harder.
But happiness? That's a state of mind that needs to be worked on.
I grew up poor with a capital p. No money for basics, no vacations to speak of.
But we grew up happy, content and secure and healthy emotionally and mentally. |
Who says OPs kids aren’t happy, content, secure, and healthy? You don’t know if behind closed doors your parents broke down from the stress of it all.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 30 2024, 3:07 am
| amother Puce wrote: | I'm going to disagree.
Life may be harder, paying your bills may be harder.
But happiness? That's a state of mind that needs to be worked on.
I grew up poor with a capital p. No money for basics, no vacations to speak of.
But we grew up happy, content and secure and healthy emotionally and mentally. |
Yet there's a strong correlation between this "work" and having one's needs met...
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amother
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Mon, Dec 30 2024, 3:29 am
| amother Begonia wrote: | | Yet there's a strong correlation between this "work" and having one's needs met... |
I strongly disagree. You think that when you’re in a better place at accepting your situation and having Emunah and Bitachon, you’ll have money? Maybe you will and maybe you won’t.
The same way that singles feel like if only they can improve what they need to work on they’d be married. The problem is all the deeply flawed people who are married…
You’re not NOT having success making money/getting married because you’re not good enough.
You’re good enough.
(You can put in the work if you don’t want to feel miserable your whole life until things improve)
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amother
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Mon, Dec 30 2024, 3:40 am
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Correlation, not causation in the order listed.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 30 2024, 3:42 am
| amother Begonia wrote: | | Yet there's a strong correlation between this "work" and having one's needs met... |
That’s actually not true. I work very very hard on accepting my situation on being happy with what I have on my Emunah and bitachon. We are deeply in debt just due to basics and get deeper every month. I believe and I accept that Hashem is on this journey with me, he sees it all and it’s for the best. But I definitely don’t have the money we “need” for basics
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amother
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Mon, Dec 30 2024, 3:44 am
| amother Oatmeal wrote: | Not this poster but going through this now… I won’t lie. It’s not easy at all.
1st step is realizing your powerlessness to influence or change the situation in any way.
It all Hashem and this is His plan for You. And it’s not by chance. Every single thing, including the bills, the lack, the frustration- it’s from love. He loves you. He wants the best for you. We can’t understand why we have to suffer.
It’s not our fault. There’s nothing we can be doing better. There’s nothing dh can be doing better. Even if he is hopeless at making a living, if Hashem wanted us to be rich we would be…
2nd - finding what to appreciate in it. Bh were healthy, BH I scrounged my cabinets and made homemade pizza for my kids today! Hodu LaHashem. Kids follow our lead. When we process our negative angry emotions through music/Tefillah/Hisbodedus/inspirational classes (I enjoy Gedale Fenster but different things give me that little boost of inspiration when I need it) we can learn to nurture and care for our kids even with feeling so lacking ourselves and they will be fine. Yesterday I learned that those that have dealt with poverty and creditors won’t see Gehinom in Olam Haba and it made my day.
3rd- don’t focus all your time on this. Give yourself 1-2 hours to get yourself okay and then get busy with other things.. Get out of the house even if you can’t buy anything! |
1- haha tell this to imamother. When I come on here talking about my situation everyone says DH needs a better job, I need a better job etc. where’s the Emunah. (Not saying to sit home lazy but the kochi votzem yadi is not a Jewish concept)
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B'Syata D'Shmya
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Mon, Dec 30 2024, 3:57 am
| amother OP wrote: | The title says it all.
No money = not being able to feed my family normally
No money = not being able to send kids to camp
No more = more stress life
No money = not having a happy marriage
No money = not being able to go to therapy
No money = no vacation
No money = the list goes on and on |
Wishing you better days and plenty of everything your heart desires.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 30 2024, 4:05 am
| amother Mintcream wrote: | | 1- haha tell this to imamother. When I come on here talking about my situation everyone says DH needs a better job, I need a better job etc. where’s the Emunah. (Not saying to sit home lazy but the kochi votzem yadi is not a Jewish concept) |
We can't even breathe on our own. How are we supposed to support our families in this day and age through our own efforts?!
The thought is ridiculous.
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