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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
amother
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 Wed, Jan 01 2025, 11:29 pm
I recently found out that it's expected to give a Rebbe an amount of money that is much larger than I thought.
If a parent has a few teachers and Rebbeim to give to, that's a lot of money. How does this make sense for people who can't afford full tuition? Shouldn't their extra money go towards tuition?
Another friend of mine told me that she buys a very small thank you gift for the teachers every few weeks (think, iced coffee). But if you add it up every few weeks and for every kid she has, it's a bit of money.
Shouldn't parents give their extra money (that is going to the teachers anyway) to tuition instead of relying on the school collecting money door to door to pay their staff?
Or maybe I should be doing the same thing and lessening my tuition?
I find this very confusing.
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amother
Diamond
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Wed, Jan 01 2025, 11:34 pm
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I pay as much tuition as I could (with a very small break) and also give a generous ammount for chanukah. It wouldn't change even if I paid full tuition. For reference, I'm middle class and only have 2 kids in school.
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amother
Mulberry
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 9:56 am
The tipping expectations are way out of hand. Tipping is extra. If you can't afford the basics you don't give a bonus.
Schools need to pay what they owe- it doesn't matter that the teachers get it in the end. The school has its debts.
Imagine if everyone didn't pay and gave tips. Great, teachers got some money. But what about office staff, mortgage, electric bill? Plus the teachers are owed their salary. The school cannot function.
(I am talking about paying what you owe, not sticker price. If the school agreed to give you a discount then it's the discounted price.)
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amother
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 9:57 am
Use maaser money to tip the rebbeim
We pay full tuition and use maaser for the rebbeim.
I looked into it and it is definitely allowed at least according to some poskim (whereas maaser for tuition esp for boys is much more questionable )
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amother
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 9:59 am
| amother DarkGreen wrote: | Use maaser money to tip the rebbeim
We pay full tuition and use maaser for the rebbeim.
I looked into it and it is definitely allowed at least according to some poskim (whereas maaser for tuition esp for boys is much more questionable ) |
Not everyone holds you can tip with maaser. My son's had plenty of rabeiim that weren't lacking for money. Why would they qualify for maaser just because I want to tip and I can't afford it?
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amother
Camellia
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 10:16 am
| amother DarkGreen wrote: | Use maaser money to tip the rebbeim
We pay full tuition and use maaser for the rebbeim.
I looked into it and it is definitely allowed at least according to some poskim (whereas maaser for tuition esp for boys is much more questionable ) |
Not everyone has maaser. In fact our rav holds that if you struggle to pay tuition and have debt don’t give maaser.
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amother
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 10:31 am
| amother DarkGreen wrote: | Use maaser money to tip the rebbeim
We pay full tuition and use maaser for the rebbeim.
I looked into it and it is definitely allowed at least according to some poskim (whereas maaser for tuition esp for boys is much more questionable ) |
Our Rav told us not to give maaser at this point. So what should I do?
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amother
Mintgreen
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 10:35 am
| amother OP wrote: | I recently found out that it's expected to give a Rebbe an amount of money that is much larger than I thought.
If a parent has a few teachers and Rebbeim to give to, that's a lot of money. How does this make sense for people who can't afford full tuition? Shouldn't their extra money go towards tuition?
Another friend of mine told me that she buys a very small thank you gift for the teachers every few weeks (think, iced coffee). But if you add it up every few weeks and for every kid she has, it's a bit of money.
Shouldn't parents give their extra money (that is going to the teachers anyway) to tuition instead of relying on the school collecting money door to door to pay their staff?
Or maybe I should be doing the same thing and lessening my tuition?
I find this very confusing. |
Op, just because 1 (or 2) people told you something doesn't make it true. What do you mean you "found out" that the rebbe tip is more than you thought? It simply isn't true.
I've never seen any yeshiva or school make any demands about tipping. You do the best you can. It's as simple as that.
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amother
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 10:36 am
| amother Firebrick wrote: | | Not everyone holds you can tip with maaser. My son's had plenty of rabeiim that weren't lacking for money. Why would they qualify for maaser just because I want to tip and I can't afford it? |
Agree I never understood how it's ok to give maaser. I have a relative who is a rebbi who just bought a house that cost close to a million and did a ton of renovations. Does it make sense that he should be the recipient of people's maater?
And he is not the only rebbi I know who is living quite a nice lifestyle
Like I never understood how the yeshivas campaign for Maos chittim for the rebbeim
Maos chittim is for POOR people. Newsflash not all rebbeim are poor.
I know rebbeim who got maos chittim from their schools that didn't even make pesach!
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amother
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 10:43 am
| amother Hotpink wrote: | Agree I never understood how it's ok to give maaser. I have a relative who is a rebbi who just bought a house that cost close to a million and did a ton of renovations. Does it make sense that he should be the recipient of people's maater?
And he is not the only rebbi I know who is living quite a nice lifestyle
Like I never understood how the yeshivas campaign for Maos chittim for the rebbeim
Maos chittim is for POOR people. Newsflash not all rebbeim are poor.
I know rebbeim who got maos chittim from their schools that didn't even make pesach! |
Same I know plenty of rebbeim who get chasdei lev for pesach and go away for pesach...
At this point in time rebbe doesn't always equal poor. So I personally would think it's very questionable to use maaser which is supposed to be tzedakah, for a rebbe.
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amother
Azure
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 10:49 am
| amother Hotpink wrote: | Agree I never understood how it's ok to give maaser. I have a relative who is a rebbi who just bought a house that cost close to a million and did a ton of renovations. Does it make sense that he should be the recipient of people's maater?
And he is not the only rebbi I know who is living quite a nice lifestyle
Like I never understood how the yeshivas campaign for Maos chittim for the rebbeim
Maos chittim is for POOR people. Newsflash not all rebbeim are poor.
I know rebbeim who got maos chittim from their schools that didn't even make pesach! |
Idk where you live but the rebbeim I know are only making it because they get free tuition and qualify for government subsidies like SNAP.
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amother
Mistyrose
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 10:56 am
| amother Azure wrote: | | Idk where you live but the rebbeim I know are only making it because they get free tuition and qualify for government subsidies like SNAP. |
In my world, it's some and some.
Some Rebbeim need the government subsidies.
And some have a wife who works a good job and makes quite decent money.
A Rebbi job can sometimes be compatible with a wife working full time. I have many siblings who are Rebbeim. But they're finished working by 2 or 3, they don't work Erev Yom Tov or isru Chag, and such days. So their wives work ft jobs 9:30-5:30 and make a good 100k+ and the day to day childcare schedule works out.
Not all Rebbeim are poor.
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amother
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 11:02 am
| amother Firebrick wrote: | | Not everyone holds you can tip with maaser. My son's had plenty of rabeiim that weren't lacking for money. Why would they qualify for maaser just because I want to tip and I can't afford it? |
Look into it and you’ll see why
I listened to a shiur from the OU on the topic
https://outorah.org/p/110933/
Honestly it’s no different than using my maaser for all these fundraisers for schools to have gorgeous wedding halls etc - they are not poor
Even many kollelilim raising money, the beneficiaries are not poor and are being supported by their in laws
Of course the bulk of our maaser goes to causes that we know are truly making a difference to poor people but once a year $500 ($250 for two rebbeim) is fine with us
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amother
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 11:04 am
| amother DarkGreen wrote: | Look into it and you’ll see why
I listened to a shiur from the OU on the topic |
Sorry but I would rather give my maaser to poor people than to a rebbe who has a nice house and cars, goes on vacation etc...
And I don't contribute to school or major fundraisers. I would prefer to give my maaser to poor people I know personally who need it.
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amother
PlumPink
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 11:05 am
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Some hold using maaser to pay off tuition breaks before using for anything else
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amother
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 11:06 am
Also you don’t have to use maaser only for poor people
I was told I could use my maaser to help my sister pay for graduate school as well as for other things that are considered “standard” these days
If you give money to a hachnosas kallah place - many of the people benefiting are not necessarily poor but need the extra help when it comes time to make a wedding
Hilchos maaser is a lengthy topic and you can definitely ask your Rav but we looked into it and it absolutely seems allowed and no worse than giving money to build a new shul or school building when the beneficiaries are not poor
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amother
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 11:07 am
| amother Firebrick wrote: | Sorry but I would rather give my maaser to poor people than to a rebbe who has a nice house and cars, goes on vacation etc...
And I don't contribute to school or major fundraisers. I would prefer to give my maaser to poor people I know personally who need it. |
By the time Chanukah comes I know a bit about the rebbi. If the rebbi was living the high life and his wife was in designer and not working, I’d give $100 and not from maaser. So far I haven’t come across that!
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amother
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 11:08 am
| amother Firebrick wrote: | Sorry but I would rather give my maaser to poor people than to a rebbe who has a nice house and cars, goes on vacation etc...
And I don't contribute to school or major fundraisers. I would prefer to give my maaser to poor people I know personally who need it. |
And I prefer to give my maaser to the rebbeim who are introducing my boys to Torah in such a beautiful loving way with a lifelong impact! (I know these Rebbeim and they live extremely simply. No fancy cars in our yeshiva parking lot! The wives work very very hard etc and they are not young.)
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amother
Anemone
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 11:11 am
| amother OP wrote: | I recently found out that it's expected to give a Rebbe an amount of money that is much larger than I thought.
If a parent has a few teachers and Rebbeim to give to, that's a lot of money. How does this make sense for people who can't afford full tuition? Shouldn't their extra money go towards tuition?
Another friend of mine told me that she buys a very small thank you gift for the teachers every few weeks (think, iced coffee). But if you add it up every few weeks and for every kid she has, it's a bit of money.
Shouldn't parents give their extra money (that is going to the teachers anyway) to tuition instead of relying on the school collecting money door to door to pay their staff?
Or maybe I should be doing the same thing and lessening my tuition?
I find this very confusing. |
First is tuition
And apparently you can use maaser money after your children are a certain age around 7 but ask your lor.
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amother
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Thu, Jan 02 2025, 11:16 am
| amother DarkGreen wrote: | Also you don’t have to use maaser only for poor people
I was told I could use my maaser to help my sister pay for graduate school as well as for other things that are considered “standard” these days
If you give money to a hachnosas kallah place - many of the people benefiting are not necessarily poor but need the extra help when it comes time to make a wedding
Hilchos maaser is a lengthy topic and you can definitely ask your Rav but we looked into it and it absolutely seems allowed and no worse than giving money to build a new shul or school building when the beneficiaries are not poor |
So everyone can choose where they want their maaser to go. Different things speak to different people.
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