Is this a normal request of a teenage counselor?

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling -> Summer Camps

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amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:19 pm

Is it normal for a teenage counselor to help a young child wipe after they use the bathroom?

My daughter just turned four. In our community, most young kids go to camps run by teenage girls. This year I sent her to a camp run by several teens who came so highly recommended, as responsible, mature, just all-around great. They ran a camp last year (and possibly before that, but the mom I spoke with had sent last year) and were fantastic.

My four year old isn't great at wiping after a BM. We've been working with her on it. She wipes first, and then I wipe afterwards, and she often misses a lot. I don't want her to get a rash (she's had issues with constipation in the past, and if it hurts when she goes, it can start it again).

She has several older siblings, but they only pooped at home, always refused to go in school/camp. She's fine with going anywhere, and we encourage her not to hold it in because that the doctors said that can add to her issues with constipation.

Yesterday, when I asked her how camp was, she said that her counselor told her she could have two stickers if she wiped herself and didn't need a counselor to wipe her. (??) Today, the counselor actually brought it up with me, asked me if I could teach her how to wipe herself because "sometimes it's when all the kids are changing for swim and it's hard to have one counselor go into the bathroom to help her." I told her my concerns, and told her I'd be fine if it's towards the end of the day, I could wipe her again when she gets home (trying to meet them halfway), but that if she poops towards the beginning of the day, would any of the counselors be able to do it so that she won't get a rash? SHe didn't say no, but she sort of went, "Ummmm, so I'm not sure if there's someone who's...I mean, maybe?"

Am I expecting too much? I know that girls who runs camps for younger girls change their diapers. Do the ones who run four year old camps do that because they don't want to deal with those things? In that case, is it not fair of me to have this expectation? And if so, do I just say it's fine, keeping trying to encourage her to do it herself, and hope for the best?

amother

Oleander

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:21 pm

It’s a lot to expect. Maybe send her with wipes so she’ll clean herself better?

mha3484

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:22 pm

I sent my daughter to camp run by an adult morah at that age and I would never ask. School isn't going to wipe her either. We just kept practicing at home and she did her best at camp.

ShishKabob

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:22 pm

amother Oleander wrote:

It’s a lot to expect. Maybe send her with wipes so she’ll clean herself better?

This

amother

Babyblue

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:32 pm

They should be wiping themselves we give them wipes and a garbage can, and if they need help will help them. (Boys 3 yrs old)

amother

Puce

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:35 pm

Yes, you are expecting too much. Not a reasonable request.

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:36 pm

I'm glad that I asked, it seems like this really is too much to ask from these girls. I'm not sure what I'm going to do...we don't do flushable wipes in our house because our plumber said they'll clog up the toilet, but I guess I could ask the person whose house it is if she minds?

I'm still kind of wondering why this is a high expectation but changing diapers isn't? Unless it's like I said, that the girls who do younger kids (again, it's normal for 2 and 3 year old camps to be run by teens in my community) are the ones who aren't turned off by that sort of thing, and the girls who do older kids are specifically choosing an age where kids aren't wearing diapers anymore because they find it gross?

amother

Oleander

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

It’s that they chose the toilet trained age and also it’s more gross to wipe older kids.

amother

Ginger

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:38 pm

It is a lot to expect and frankly, there should be two adults in the room if a child's privates are exposed. For everyone's safety. And it definitely doesn't sound like they have enough counselors for that.

mha3484

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:38 pm

Yes the girls picked this age are choosing it because they don't want to do diapers. I have had 3 year old playgroup moros tell me my kid had to be potty trained to start school. Its a personal preference some people really dont want to do diapers.

Last edited by mha3484 on Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:39 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Acacia

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:38 pm

Yup I think that’s it

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

It has nothing to do with this being young girls. I worked in a gan many years ago, 4 year olds. We didnt wipe anyone. It was not something that was expected.
Its different than doing a camp with babies or younger jkids that you know you will be changing diapers.
Just like in school the teacher will not be wiping any 4 year old either.

amother

Ecru

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

perhaps you could do regular wipes and she has to put them in the garbage?

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:40 pm

amother Babyblue wrote:

They should be wiping themselves we give them wipes and a garbage can, and if they need help will help them. (Boys 3 yrs old)

Oh but she does wipe herself. She gets off the worst of it. I try to teach her to keep on wiping until the toilet paper is clean, but she doesn't always have a ton of patience with it and if she doesn't reach down far enough then the paper comes back clean even though there's a lot left...So I let her wipe first, then I "check" it afterwards and show her if it's clean or dirty.

We only started teaching her this within the past few months (she just turned four) because she had so many issues with constipation and anxiety about using the toilet that this wasn't the battle I needed to fight. Now it seems like it really is, and she needs to figure it out NOW...

amother

Ecru

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:41 pm

Teach her to be particular about soaping up afterwards

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:42 pm

amother Ecru wrote:

perhaps you could do regular wipes and she has to put them in the garbage?

I think I'll talk to the counselors tomorrow (and tell them to check with the mother whose house it's in) to see if they/she would be okay with 1)flushable wipes or 2) regular wipes in the garbage. I wouldn't love either of these in my own house, but hopefully one of them will work...

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:42 pm

amother Ecru wrote:

Teach her to be particular about soaping up afterwards

You mean washing her hands? She does this.

mha3484

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

Send a ziplock bag for the dirty wipes so it doesn't smell.

amother

Linen

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

She should wipe herself as best as she can in school, and when she comes home you can clean her with wipes & change her underwear. That's what I do with my kids.
You can use wipes at home and throw them in a trash can. I don't think that we can get really clean with only using tissues.

amother

DarkViolet

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 5:59 pm

My kids seem to mostly train themselves to go at home because of this. But my 4 year old did come home from school sometimes this year and say her tush was bothering her because she wiped at school. I just help her wipe better with wipes at home. By the way, we use regular wipes at home and just throw them in the trash.

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