Feeling terrible regret!

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 6:14 pm

That's really hard! But please give yourself more time. When I moved, I heard that it takes 2 years to settle in to a place, and to not think about moving back until at least 2 years. I found that to be so true. At the beginning you think about all the things that you miss, and all the hard things because it takes time to settle and get to know people and places and be comfortable but once you settle in it gets easier. Now when I go back to visit my old hometown, I see all the things that drove me crazy and I'm so glad I moved.

Allow yourself to miss the old place, but please give yourself another year to settle in fully before you will even think about moving.

Hug

amother

Mulberry

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 6:24 pm

Op I want to validate your feelings.
I don’t think you need everyone to convince you of why it’s better.
House regret is so common. Buying a house is a huge decision.
I think you should give it a bit more time. Sometimes we need some getting used to our new situations.
If things are still disastrous after a year or two, there’s nothing wrong with trying to sell your home and move back in center of town. People change their minds all the time.
Unless your husband likes the new living accommodation and is not willing to move. Then I would say for the sake of your marriage you should try to make it work.

amother

Ruby

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 6:32 pm

This is not worth being miserable and depressed about. Even if you made a major mistake. It's still not worth being miserable and depressed about. Go to therapy and have a few sessions to discuss this, process it, grieve the loss and the regret and all that. Perhaps you can consider if there's anything else left for you to do. But it's time to work on moving on. You and your family deserve your happiness back.

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 6:53 pm

amother Dimgray wrote:

I could have many regrets about my life. I’ve made so many huge life altering mistakes. But I pretty much have no regrets. Rabbi Goldberg’s emunah shiur helped me greatly. I wouldn’t be able to face my life without it. I’m actually able to live a happy life despite all my mistakes.

How can I hear this shiur?

familyfirst

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 7:02 pm

OP-
Going to echo everyone else’s comments- give it time.

Please keep in mind that your neshomah has a tachlis in a certain area. Obviously, your tachlis in the old area is done. You are meant to be in this area in this house. Embrace it and stop fighting it. Find the good.

A house with own driveway with more space for the kids is a dream for many many people. You r your blessings.

Settle it and enjoy.
Reassess later

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 8:59 pm

amother Oleander wrote:

I worked in real estate law for a year and the issues with coops and condos were huge. It’s much much better to own your own home. Obviously you had a reason for not buying the condo (think maintenance charges, and assessments, and fighting over every renovation, and arguing with neighbors over building improvements).

My reasons for not buying the condo were mainly due to space constraints. There were only 2 bedrooms and the master bedroom was tiny with no room for an armoire or a dresser, there was no linen closet and there was no room for a kitchen table in the kitchen or a dinette area. But these small things are so insignificant compared to being able to stay in my hometown near my parents and my job, stores...and all the conveniences of in-town living! It's worth it to sacrifice space for convenience. I even consulted with someone in real estate who looked at the floor plan and was able to figure out ways to stretch the 700 sq feet and make it work. Plus the condo was brand new, gorgeous and only a drop more expensive than the house we ultimately ended up purchasing! It was also on the top floor so there wouldn't be neighbors jumping on our heads....I was living in an apartment before that had a bigger master bedroom, a linen closet, space for a kitchen table...so it felt wrong to settle for less but we could have owned a condo instead of renting an apartment so what's a bit of space?

amother

Steelblue ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 9:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

Oh my friend how I feel your pain. I am in a very simmilar situation. My husband is happy and I go through my day with a rock lodged in my throat. And on top of that I need to start all over and make new friends. I miss my old life yes even the apartment that smelled like weed from the neighbors. I often wonder why why why. I had no one but my mother and two sisters and now I am torn apart. I should have taken that dumpy apartment but my husband said it was no different than what we had now etc etc etc. I hear you and feel you and wont promise it gets better because I am still waiting since the summer.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 9:19 pm

Peersupport wrote:

OP do you drive?

Do you get to go out every day?

No I don't drive. I commute every day for work. (I'm still working at my old job from when I used to live in my old community). My husband drives me every day. My kids buses come really early because we kept them in their old schools. It's tough! I feel a pang every day when I think of how that condo was only a 17 minute walk from my office and I wouldn't have to rely on rides and ppl. I can't drive because then my kids would get thrown out of school so plz don't suggest that. Besides, we are strapped for cash and couldn't possibly afford all the expenses that come with another car even if it's a tiny, cheap one.

amother

↑ Pumpkin ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 9:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

Just know that those issues that now seem minor and insignificant are actually huge. When you live in a tiny space and don't have space to LIVE, having your office a 17 min walk is not a help nor is having your parents nearby. 700 square foot is beyond tiny and a real rachmanus on the people who can't move beyond their mother's potato kugel in order to live like decent people. Be proud of yourself that you were brave enough to jump into it and give yourself a lot more time to adjust to this major move.

amother

Foxglove ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 9:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is this a typo or is the condo really only 700 sq feet? You mentioned you have kids plural so even with 2 kids that sounds incredibly tight. Idk how you would’ve been able to last there even if it’s the best location.

Sorry you’re miserable though, that sucks 🫤
Hope things turn around soon for you!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 10:01 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

Not a typo. It was 700 sq feet. I now live in a 3 floor house with 4 bedrooms, a front yard, backyard, pool, hot tub, garage and driveway and yet I'm miserable. There's a reason real estate is all about location, location, location!

↑ oohlala ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 10:06 pm

Can you look for a more local job? I imagine traveling in every day is adding to your misery, especially when you see your old neighborhood all the time and yearn for it.
Hopefully your kids can transfer to a more local school. All these things will help you adjust and accept your new reality.

amother

Garnet

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 10:08 pm

OP, 700 square feet is tiny. I'm not sure how long you and your family would have remained happy. It's really difficult moving to a new community. Hopefully your kids can change to schools closer to your new house. It takes time to be happy in a new location. I hope in a year or two you will see that you're much happier. If everyone else is happy, you do have to figure out a way to accept what you have and make the best of it.

amother

↑ Foxglove

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 10:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wow 700 sq feet I couldn’t imagine living in even just as a couple let alone the kids. So it sounds like it’s not really the condo you’re regretting not buying as that doesn’t seem realistic to be living in with a family. But you regret that you had to move away from the comforts of your neighborhood. And yes I totally agree with location, location, location! So important. I hope you will come to find things you love about your new location.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 10:11 pm

oohlala wrote:

I love my job and my husband and I feel that the schools they are in currently are the best ones for them. (Although I do feel bad they have to travel so much and my son often vomits on the bus) I don't know if if finding a local job would help much as nothing is walking distance so I'd need to take ubers back and forth every day. (Again, driving isn't an option) the best would be a remote job but those are so hard to find and I crave social interaction

amother

↑ Steelblue

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 11:07 pm

amother Pumpkin wrote:

I know you meant something else when you said "its a rachmanus on ppl who cant move beyong mothers kuge" but can I explain to you something ? The other perspective? I am one of those ppl that cant. I am the oldest and feel responsible for my parents. They are not ppl that can "help" therself. I need to make sure they are ok and some of it is in my head too. If youre parents are strong emotionally you are very very very lucky.

amother

Arcticblue

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 11:10 pm

amother Dimgray wrote:

ha I came on to say “you’re never stuck you’re exactly where hashem wants you to be now”