Feeling guilty re morning

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 5:58 am

Dd is 14. She got into an argument with a sibling over bathroom time this morning. There’s another bathroom down the hall ( just a nice no difference) but she refused to use it standing on ceremony. She missed her bus. Yes the other sibling was being difficult but she refused to use the other bathroom. I refused to drive her to school. I told her calmly that she knew there was another bathroom available and if she wanted to stand on ceremony and that why she missed her bus she ll have to walk. The walk to school is 15 mins abt. She was really mad at me. She kept coming over and asking me to drive her because it’s getting late. She still had plenty of time to make it without being late . I repeated what I said multiple time. She finally left really mad. Mom guilt. Now I’m feeling bad for her. I stand by my decision but I just hope it didn’t ruin her day..,

amother

Apple ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 6:18 am

Why guilt? She had no reason to miss her bus and a 15 minute walk is nothing for a teen. She can refuse to do things and then she can find her way to school. She’s 14 you don’t have to coddle her.

amother

Cinnamon

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 6:19 am

Are there pads in both bathrooms?
There mightve been a reason she wanted to use that specific bathroom that she didn't want to share

Molly Weasley ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 6:19 am

If this is the first time it got this far, you can tell them "this is your warning, next time you'll actually have to walk."

↑ Molly Weasley ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 6:20 am

amother Cinnamon wrote:

Are there pads in both bathrooms?
There mightve been a reason she wanted to use that specific bathroom that she didn't want to share

What difference does it make?
She should be listening to her mother regardless!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 6:28 am

amother Cinnamon wrote:

Are there pads in both bathrooms?
There mightve been a reason she wanted to use that specific bathroom that she didn't want to share

Yes there is nothing that she may want or need in one over the next
It was just being stubborn

AlwaysGrateful ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 6:57 am

momof2+? wrote:

It’s mom guilt. You are teaching her responsibility.

This. Assuming you said it calmly and weren't yelling it at her, you did everything right.

I wouldn't bring it up again unless she does. That will help her internalize the lesson instead of getting all defensive about it.

Hashem_Yaazor

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 7:07 am

Kol hakavod. You did the right thing. She will learn her actions and choices affect her life directly and it will create pathways in her brain in future opportunities to make choices that might influence the outcome in a happier way. Better for her to learn it now at 14 than when she's older and the outcomes can be more harsh.

Elfrida

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 7:43 am

My sister once tried making bathroom lists, with everyone assigned a specific time slot in a specific bathroom. If you think it's enforceable, you can try doing that. While it lasted, it saved a lot of arguments.

↑ AlwaysGrateful

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 8:29 am

Elfrida wrote:

While this is a great idea for an ongoing issue, with teens, I think it's important to have a conversation about this and let THEM come up with a solution. If they can't, you can present this as an option. But it's important for them to feel like it was their idea, not yours, and you're just trying to help them.

I would only do this if it was ongoing. If it's just every once in a while, I think I'd let them figure it out on their own.

hodeez

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 8:31 am

You did great children thrive under consistency. If you said you're going to do it you better follow through. Next time she will think if it's worth it before she sticks in her heels.

amother

PlumPink

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 8:36 am

I wouldn’t have handled it any differently. 15 min walk is nothing, she’ll survive. She’s upset at you but she’ll get over it and if she thinks hard she’ll realize she was being stubborn for no reason.

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:12 am

amother Cinnamon wrote:

Are there pads in both bathrooms?
There mightve been a reason she wanted to use that specific bathroom that she didn't want to share

This. Most people have a bathroom they prefer getting ready in.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:17 am

amother Turquoise wrote:

This. Most people have a bathroom they prefer getting ready in.

Whereas this may be the case both bathrooms are equally equipped and comfortable. That’s not the issue

I have tried schedules . We are 10 people getting ready in the morning. We have three bathrooms and our schedules are staggered. I personally wake up at 6:30 every morning to be ready and make sure the morning flows smoothly. The other kid was annoying her and that child who took longer then usual had to walk and didn’t make an issue about it. She decided if the other child is taking too long, she won’t use the other bathroom which was fee which I leave free at this time for this type of scenario.

Movernshaker ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:20 am

amother Apple wrote:

Mom guilt doesn't mean she's actually guilty. It means that moms naturally tend to feel guilty. Whether they're actually guilty is a total different story. In this case, as many others, Mom was Not guilty.

amother

Hawthorn ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:21 am

What was your other daughter doing in the bathroom so long?
I agree that your older one should suffer the consequences of missing the bus. But I don't condone bullying either.

↑ Molly Weasley

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 1:49 pm

amother Hawthorn wrote:

What was your other daughter doing in the bathroom so long?
I agree that your older one should suffer the consequences of missing the bus. But I don't condone bullying either.

There's another bathroom available