Feeling terrible regret!

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 3:49 pm

We looked at a condo in our price range last year in our neighborhood and I said no for various stupid reasons. We ended up buying a house out of town and I am living with intense, intense regret every single day for saying no to the original condo. I would do anything, anything, anything to turn back the clock! At this point the condo is all I can think abt to the point where it affects every minute of my life. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think abt anything else. It's like a dark cloud is hanging over me! Plz help!

Goldie613

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 4:07 pm

Can you break down which part of this move is bothering you the most?

Is the issue house vs condo, in which case you can look into getting a condo in your new neighborhood, or is the issue old neighborhood vs new neighborhood? If that's the case, is the new neighborhood just something you are not used to yet, or is it really just not a good fit for your family?

amother

Dimgray

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 4:12 pm

I could have many regrets about my life. I’ve made so many huge life altering mistakes. But I pretty much have no regrets. Rabbi Goldberg’s emunah shiur helped me greatly. I wouldn’t be able to face my life without it. I’m actually able to live a happy life despite all my mistakes.

amother

Oleander

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 4:27 pm

I worked in real estate law for a year and the issues with coops and condos were huge. It’s much much better to own your own home. Obviously you had a reason for not buying the condo (think maintenance charges, and assessments, and fighting over every renovation, and arguing with neighbors over building improvements).

amother

NeonOrange

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 4:29 pm

I only know of horror stories with condos. A friend of mine grew out of it and wanted to sell. She found so many potential buyers and they rejected all. She was stuck with it for years. She had to move out and she did but it was a massive headache and expense and she needed the money for her new house.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 4:39 pm

[quote="Goldie613"]Can you break down which part of this move is bothering you the most?

Is the issue house vs condo, in which case you can look into getting a condo in your new neighborhood, or is the issue old neighborhood vs new neighborhood? If that's the case, is the new neighborhood just something you are not used to yet, or is it really just not a good fit for your family?[/quote
The issue is old neighborhood vs new neighborhood mainly. And plz noone tell me to move back because I would if I could. The condo was sold already but
I would rent an apartment in my old neighborhood in a heartbeat. Husband adamantly refuses to hear of it no matter how much I beg. Living with a wife who is perpetually in a bad, angry mood can't be easy for him and yet he won't budge.

amother

Babypink

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 4:53 pm

You need to try to believe that it simply was not meant to be. If Hashem willed it nothing could’ve stopped it from happening but He didn’t and He set you up to see that condo and then buy your house for a reason that you don’t know but what you do know is that it wasn’t meant for you it was just a part in your journey to buying your house.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 5:15 pm

amother Babypink wrote:

This house doesn't feel very bashert. When we bought it it was in perfect condition and didn't need any work but we keep having problems with it since It's not a new house. Like now we have a crazy leak in the kitchen and laundry room and we can't figure out where it's coming from. Also our front door jammed and we couldn't open it no matter how much we tried so we needed to pay a lot of $ to a locksmith to repair it. We also had a roach infestation and our heat wasn't working so that was another expense to call an electrician. Plus we were having issues with a blocked up tub and sink where the water wouldn't go down so we needed a plumber for that. Just constant aggravation! Also my closet door broke off and we can't afford to pay someone to fix it. Ditto for 2 of our cabinet doors. My husband has two left hands so every small thing we need to call a professional! I can go on and on and we're barely living here a year...the condo was brand new and in our preferred location!

Genius

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 5:21 pm

Maybe try making peace with the new house for a month and see if some of the problems go away. It seems like the house is offended by your hatred.

Seriously, it doesn’t seem like you’re going back. Why don’t you try to appreciate the good parts: privacy, space, no condo to deal with about every little thing, no neighbors doing jacks above your head. I’m sure your life will improve greatly.

The fact that you live there means that it was bashert. Condos can flood and jam too.

amother

Pistachio

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 5:22 pm

If you're a mature person, you'd realize the the grass is not always greener on the other side. I guarantee you would have had some issue or another in the condo.
In the long run, a house is a much better investment, even if you have to go through some rough patches to get there.
When we bought our house, we had a roof that leaked when it rained, siding falling off and broken windows where the air came right through.
When we were able to, we refinanced and got a new roof, siding and windows.
Wouldn't change it for the privacy and autonomy of owning our own home.
Try to find something to be grateful for every day. This is the position you're in so try to make the best of it. It can't be easy living with yourself every day if you are grumpy, and that affects your family as well.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 5:31 pm

oohlala wrote:

Why did you move to this new neighborhood? What was the draw and what are some positives of living there?

The main draw of the new neighborhood was affordable housing and also because many ppl in our community were moving there so we kind of got pulled into the hype.

Chayalle

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 5:32 pm

People should know that a house = maintenance.
I moved into my house 7 years ago and
*had a massive ant infestation the first spring. It was HORRIBLE these huge black ants.....BH for terro, it cleared up.
*a mouse ran across my kitchen floor. You guys probably heard me screaming out to yehupits....AARGH. BH for the pest guy who came and got rid of it, bh it didn't turn out to be an infestation, didn't have any more since.
*kitchen drawers that broke that I had to pay someone to fix. Wasn't cheap.
*sconces on the wall that had old electricity and actually burst into flames! That was scary. BH it burnt out quickly and didn't start a fire. Yes, it cost $$$ to replace those, but once I had the electrician over I also paid him to put a light fixture into my living room (never had one, was using floor lamps).
*found out that the lighting in my dining room dims horribly whenever there's a brown-out (heat wave). Paid to put in spots for extra lighting backup.
*Porch door wouldn't open/close, found out the wood is warped. That cost a pretty penny to replace.
*every time it rained, water leaked in thru the skylight. We actually ended up repairing the roof. Cost alot.
*we also had issues with the front door jamming.

I could keep going.

OP, maintenance in a house is par for the course. Do you hate your house because of the maintenance issues, or because of the neighborhood? Because in spite of all of the above, I actually love my house, and love my neighborhood, and I'm grateful I moved when I did. BH after all the initial fixing, my house is a great house, works for me and my family, and I love living here. Till Mashiach comes!

↑ oohlala ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 5:35 pm

I’m assuming you lived in an apartment before that had a super maybe? Living in a house is a whole new world.

Are your children enjoying the backyard and larger spaces? Are you meeting people and making friends?

Take walks around your neighborhood. You’ll see soon that everything will grow on you and you will make peace with the decision.

DVOM

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 5:58 pm

Regret can hurt terribly. I'm so sorry, OP.

A new home takes time to settle into. Like other posters, we had plenty of unexpected expenses when we first moved in: a chipmunk infestation, a leaking roof, windows needed replacing, electricity issues.

I get the sense though that your regret is so strong, you don't really want to settle into your new home. You want to leave.

Can you? I know it would mean a loss, but I know people who've done it when they found themselves desperately unhappy in their new neighborhood.

amother

DarkKhaki

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 5:58 pm

Op, I'm living the exact opposite! We looked into a house and ended up buying a condo. The condo is beautiful and brand new, but we've had our fair share or issues.
In the meantime the house and all other houses in the area went up in price tremendously and I often think if only we would've bought the house.

Having said that, I really try to live my life with no regrets. I really believe it was meant for me and I focus on what I do have. I'm lucky I can afford to own my place instead of renting. I'm lucky I have lots of living space. I don't want to live a life always looking back at what could've been. As you say yourself, it's unhealthy and affecting you terribly.
It is hard to believe sometimes but I try to live my life this way in general, focus on what I do have instead of regretting stuff.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 6:03 pm

DVOM wrote:

Nope not an option unfortunately. Husband is adamantly opposed. I keep telling him we shud at least find a tenant for our house and rent an apartment in our old neighborhood but we can't afford rent and mortgage while we search and our mortgage is crazy high so no tenant would cover the whole thing. We closed when the rates were thru the roof with the hope to refinance soon. Also he loves having a driveway and garage which we would never be able to find where we used to live so for him this is ideal. I'm the one suffering. Also my kids would never move back. They love the space so I'm the cheese that stays alone in my misery

amother

Pumpkin ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 6:04 pm

It's a very very common thing to regret a home purchase soon after moving in. So much so that when we bought, our real estate agent told us to give it five years before making any major decisions regarding selling/moving back.

You did not marry this house, there's no long term commitment here. If you are really truly unhappy, you have choices, even if it's not that condo you saw then.

But you have to give it some more time. Remember how the teacher used to switch our seats and say she doesn't want to hear any complaints for two weeks? You really have to try to make the best of it, for at least another year or two and then reevaluate. You might decide to move back, and that's ok. You have that choice. But don't fall into the trap of making a hasty decision just because you didn't give yourself time to adjust properly.

amother

↑ Pumpkin ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 6:07 pm

It sounds like you're the only one unhappy and the rest of the family doesn't have regret. In that case, my post is even more important. Give yourself a decent amount of time. Try to see things from your family member's perspective too. It's important for the mother to be happy, but if you move back, and they all become unhappy, will the gain be worth it???

amother

Aconite

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 6:10 pm

My parents bought a beautiful brand new condo and they’ve had nonstop aggravation and issues since. They’ve had to do many many expensive repairs and not all of it is fixable. They also have a ton of aggravation from the neighbors.

Try to write down three things you’re grateful for every day. It might change everything for you.