How to deal with ds4 hitting parents and siblings

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 6:38 pm

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

Antibiotics for 3 months and motrin and zyrtec for the first 2 weeks.

Your doc recommended the motrin and Zyrtec?

amother

↑ Honeysuckle

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 6:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thanks. Will have to see if I can get his doc on board.

Motrin and zyrtec should help even if you can't get Antibiotics.
I also sometimes used this for flares when we couldn't get antibiotics and it worked pretty well https://vimergy.com/products/o.....peE7u

amother

Sage

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:19 pm

Every times he hits he needs to be given time alone to calm down and come back and do a do over using words instead of hands. No attention for the hitting, just removal and be told to re center himself, then when he play - acts it out again with words, in essence practicing how to do it in the future, he gets praised for using words to express emotions.

kneidelmeidel ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 12:19 am

amother Nemesia wrote:

The Torah says you are allowed to hit. You know better than Hashem? You know the Torah is not anti corporal punishment. People would get malkos if needed or capital punishment. I take my chinuch advice from our mesorah not from new age liberals. Look around at how well society is doing since a slap became abuse and people are scared of their own children and saying no. I Don’t believe in hitting as a first resort but there are a couple of times in a young child’s life that yes they need a firm boundary from a strong parent.

Not in my Jewish Torah, maybe some Christian new version. Are you seriously comparing a fully cognisant, responsible adult, who purposely chose to do something bad, to a tiny four year old who has difficulty regulating himself- because he’s FOUR, and still learning how to manage big emotions, disappointment etc ? That’s scary.

↑ kneidelmeidel

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 12:23 am

amother Aquamarine wrote:

Well getting a smack teaches someone to respect authority, stop bad behavior, accept consequences, change behavior, regulate your emotions so you don't throw tantrums, boundaries. You learn a lot.

Nope, it simply teaches them to be scared of adults because they are unpredictable, they sometimes hit them. It just continues a cycle of aggression.

amother

Hawthorn

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 12:49 am

amother Nemesia wrote:

Honestly for this I would say he needs a firm potch from a calm, authoritative father. Sounds like he is crossing a serious boundary. After he calms down parent can explain that can never happen.

Yes definitely. Show a child with violence that violence is not okay. Irony off

What on earth???
Why anyone would think this is a good idea is beyond me. It's terrible chinuch

Dd4 also hits when she is angry. She is in behavioral therapy and it helps
She doesn't hit other kids though and mainly hits her dad. And I really believe that she feels like he doesn't care enough about her. And she only hits me on days when I have had very little time for her.
To me it always seems like she is trying to make a point.. notice me!!!!! Even if it's a negative reaction, for a child it's better than nothing.

Iymnok

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 1:01 am

Is he sensory?
Sometimes sensory kids need intense touch to regulate and stop aggressive behavior. For smaller kids this may mean a bear hug that pins their arms down.

amother

Glitter ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 1:15 am

Do you know how to do a bear hug?

With my autustic brother, that was the only thing that helped.

My mother always said that it was only effective if she stayed calm and regulated while doing it.
Also, they would move to a room without an audience, close the lights (sensory stimuly) and she would repeat softly and calmly mommy loves you, we can't hit, until he totally stopped fighting her and calmed down. Sometimes it could be 20 minutes

amother

↑ Aquamarine ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 3:02 am

amother Hawthorn wrote:

But if that negative reaction is negative enough, they won't repeat the behavior. That is why a potch works. Just like touching a stove hurts so someone doesn't do it again intentionally, a child is not going to do that. Hitting your parents is much worse than a potch.

amother

↑ Glitter ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 3:10 am

amother Aquamarine wrote:

Actually, if you read the Ops previous thread and saw the level of dysregulation (and markers for being on the spectrum), its highly doubtful a regular potch would work.

Kids with autism are often severely beaten and abused because they don't respond to "normal" corporal punishment ( I do not believe in any corporal punishment - I think its lazy parenting)

amother

Vanilla

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 3:28 am

Is it so unusual for a four year old to hit? My four year old, when he gets disregulated, exhausted or hungry will sometimes hit. The other day (he's exhausted because of chanukah) I was holding him and he bit my shoulder.
I'm not excusing the behavior, we try and deal with it, but I was under the impression that it was normal and he'll grow out of it

amother

Daylily

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 3:46 am

I really thought its age appropriate for kids this age to hurt when they are frustrated and upset
My son just turned 5
It happens a few times a week when he gets upset I thought it was normal…

amother

Seagreen ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:00 am

I have a 4 year old. We ignore hitting most of the time. If it gets out of control we do time out. Never hit a child. This child has a history of lashing out, does this child struggle with communication? Maybe try a book discussing feelings so he can label how he feels.

amother

↑ Glitter

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:01 am

amother Vanilla wrote:

It is normal, but in the ops older post there where many other issues pointing to ASD

amother

↑ Nemesia ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:37 am

kneidelmeidel wrote:

Nope, it simply teaches them to be scared of adults because they are unpredictable, they sometimes hit them. It just continues a cycle of aggression.

This is a ridiculous thing to say. A father giving a potch when a kid crosses a line means you crossed a line. It’s very effective and does what 100 time outs do in 1 minute. A child should have some fear of a parent that is healthy. The parent should be very loving but a child should know of a certain line is crossed there can be a consequence like that. It’s not aggression to give a potch. Shrieking hitting and yelling several times a week of course is that’s not what we are talking about obviously.

amother

↑ Nemesia ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:41 am

amother Hawthorn wrote:

A potch is not violence please stop with the exaggeration. A gentle tap that’s rarely given is shocking that’s why it works. It sends a message you crossed a line to a small child. No one is talking about wildly hitting a kid.

amother

↑ Seagreen

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:55 am

Sorry but I grew up scared of my father because of potches. And then I just didn't like him once he stopped. I dont think hitting anyone ever does any good. Discipline doesn't involve hitting.

amother

↑ Nemesia

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:59 am

amother Seagreen wrote:

Sorry but I grew up scared of my father because of potches. And then I just didn't like him once he stopped. I dont think hitting anyone ever does any good. Discipline doesn't involve hitting.

I had the most loving father who very occasionally would give us a potch. Like 3-4x my entire childhood. But we always knew if we crossed a certain line it could happen and that fear kept us in check. Because of his authority we had trust and love of him and this is really what a parent should be like to a child. A child should have a healthy sense of apprehension deep down otherwise there is no boundary, which is the problem with so many children in our generation.