How to deal with ds4 hitting parents and siblings

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 7:18 pm

Ds4 hits us whenever he’s upset about something. He’ll hit over and over again and laugh like it’s a joke. We’ve tried doing time out and he couldn’t care less. When I try holding his hands so he can’t do it and explain why he just goes in for a bite. He’s not an easy kid in general but it’s getting out of hand.

Anyone dealt with this and have advice?

amother

Nemesia ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 7:25 pm

Honestly for this I would say he needs a firm potch from a calm, authoritative father. Sounds like he is crossing a serious boundary. After he calms down parent can explain that can never happen.

amother

Dandelion

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 7:32 pm

amother Nemesia wrote:

Honestly for this I would say he needs a firm potch from a calm, authoritative father. Sounds like he is crossing a serious boundary. After he calms down parent can explain that can never happen.

So it’s ok for some people to potch but him? How do you explain that to a 4 year old?

amother

↑ Ivory ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 7:33 pm

amother Nemesia wrote:

Honestly for this I would say he needs a firm potch from a calm, authoritative father. Sounds like he is crossing a serious boundary. After he calms down parent can explain that can never happen.

This is exactly what I was referring to in my previous post Banging head

Lets teach kids self control, anger management no hitting by hitting them Can't Believe It

amother

Aquamarine ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 7:59 pm

amother Dandelion wrote:

So it’s ok for some people to potch but him? How do you explain that to a 4 year old?

Do you need to explain to a 4 year old why a mother can use a knife and not him?
Why his father can drive a car and he cannot?
Or a hold lot of things adults can do and he cannot.
Obviously a firm potch will work here and it will stop the behavior.

amother

↑ Nemesia ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:01 pm

amother Dandelion wrote:

So it’s ok for some people to potch but him? How do you explain that to a 4 year old?

Uh the same way it’s ok for an adult to drive but not a child. Hashem gives authority to a parent and trust me your child knows that instinctively. Your child is not your level and you are 100% allowed to give your child a potch if called for.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:02 pm

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

Check for strep

Clostridia overgrowth can cause aggression.

Already did. Was negative. He only had strep once or twice in his life…

This kind of isn’t new for him. He’s a hard kid who doesn’t give a hoot about consequences or what anyone says to him. He completely ignores me half the time I talk to him.

Yes he has issues and we’re trying to get help. I’m the op of “trying to get asd diagnosis asap”. Even with all the help he’ll be getting, I still need tips for handling him until all the therapy carries over to his behavior at home. I expect it to take a while.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:04 pm

amother Aquamarine wrote:

It won’t work. Not on him. Don’t ask me how I know but I know.

amother

↑ Nemesia ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:05 pm

amother Ivory wrote:

This is exactly what I was referring to in my previous post Banging head

Lets teach kids self control, anger management no hitting by hitting them Can't Believe It

The Torah says you are allowed to hit. You know better than Hashem? You know the Torah is not anti corporal punishment. People would get malkos if needed or capital punishment. I take my chinuch advice from our mesorah not from new age liberals. Look around at how well society is doing since a slap became abuse and people are scared of their own children and saying no. I Don’t believe in hitting as a first resort but there are a couple of times in a young child’s life that yes they need a firm boundary from a strong parent.

amother

↑ Ivory ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:08 pm

amother Aquamarine wrote:

I can’t believe I’m gonna answer such stupidity, but here goes. Us as parents are supposed to be role modeling how to deal with life all the things you mentioned are things that a little child can do one day when they grow up. If a child is out of control, we want to teach them skills to deal with their emotions, their frustrations and learn self control. Not when you get big, you can go around and smack whoever you want, but you just can’t do it now.

amother

↑ Aquamarine ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:10 pm

amother Ivory wrote:

Well getting a smack teaches someone to respect authority, stop bad behavior, accept consequences, change behavior, regulate your emotions so you don't throw tantrums, boundaries. You learn a lot.

amother

↑ Ivory

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

Oy op hang in there. You sound like you have your hands full. You certainly have a knack for creating threads that stir up controversy. Jk. Have you tried teaching him some relaxation techniques there is an author lori lite one of her books is called angry octopus I really love it for this age group and teaching different ways of handling anger and frustration

rose613

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:18 pm

OT might be helpful to work on regulation strategies. Many children who behave this way are very dysregulated - hence this behavior. I had a son like this. Weighted blanket, moving to a quiet room, deep pressure are all techniques that can help.

I did a dr Becky course on difficult behavior like this and it was very helpful. Some of her podcasts have some useful tips for dealing with more emotionally dysregulated children’s Also very important for parents to stay calm and not become hysterical when this kind of behavior happens (easier said then done) - but to remain firm and in control ie saying “I’m not going to let you hurt me” “we are going to calm down together”, taking child to room and holding him in a way where he cannot hit or bite and continuing to say those things to reassure the child that you are there to help him calm down while also not allowing him to hurt.

amother

↑ Honeysuckle ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

At the risk of being attacked for spamming and derailing your thread... did you run strep titers as well. I have a dc that was very similar at that age. I thought they'd never had strep but turns out they had sky high strep titers. Treating the hidden strep infection helped immensely with the behaviors, including aggression.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:47 pm

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

I’m actually interested in this because I tried doing blood work and after trying 4 times to stick him and he kept moving and screaming they gave up. But I’ve tested him for strep so many times when his throat hurts him and it’s always negative. Did your child ever have strep symptoms and was tested for strep and it was negative?

amother

↑ Honeysuckle ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes! This child never had a positive strep swab or culture but after seeing the titers the dr agreed to treat and the difference was so obvious. Also, we often saw an increase in difficult behaviors along with other sick symptoms. Our doctor said that the strep could be deep inside the tonsils and that's why it doesn't show up on a culture. Apparently this isn't uncommon.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 9:27 pm

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

That is so interesting… how did you treat it when you saw the difference? I feel so bad pricking him so many times but I really want to know.

amother

↑ Honeysuckle ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 9:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

That is so interesting… how did you treat it when you saw the difference? I feel so bad pricking him so many times but I really want to know.

Antibiotics for 3 months and motrin and zyrtec for the first 2 weeks.