No more giving gifts:(

amother

Leaf

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 11:20 am

We give gelt (not a lot) and donuts and one practical but exciting thing. One year it was Chanukah pajamas they ended up wearing all year. I got them for $10.
One year it was new fun toothbrushes.
One year we did bathrobes for everyone in different colors.
One year they got new floafers.
Etc
My kids know this and don’t expect more.
If any of my kids agree bratty about a gift I would take it back and not give them any more gifts until they showed me that they sincerely changed their attitude.

listenhere ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 11:35 am

I think the solution is boundaries. Being clear with what the rules and expectations are.

In our family, for afikomen the kids can choose a gift in a price range. For their birthday, they can suggest but we are the ones that choose. For chanuka, the parents choose and they can’t even ask.

We expect basic manners. They need to say thank you when they receive a gift from anyone. We expect nothing less when they receive a gift from us.

Even though we of course try to make them happy, it’s not about that. If my kids would throw the gifts in my face I would be really hurt and discouraged, but I would not show it. Instead, I would make sure they are each taught a lesson in manners.

I don’t think this is an entitled generation. I’d be quicker to say that the problem is with parents desperate for their kids approval instead of the other way around.

emee2

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 12:00 pm

I’m sorry this happened to you. I would also be very hurt.

As far as the Rebbe’s are concerned, I’m sure they haven’t had a chance to send cards but will likely do so after Chanukah. That has been my experience.

As far as your kids, I think it’s important to address it. I do y do gifts but this year money was very tight and I couldn’t do what I usually do. I explained it to my kids and they were fine with it and grateful for the things they did get. I think this is a chinuch opportunity.

amother

Puce

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 12:17 pm

rachlglsr wrote:

Just letting you know that you are not alone.
Asked DS 9 what he wanted. He chose it. He STILL complained!!! Took it back. I didn’t think my kids were spoiled but im rethinking that.

DS also complained.

My little ones got princess electric toothbrushes from walmart and couldn't have been happier.

This takes me back over 30 years. I was about 12 years old.
I was the type of kid that ALWAYs that thank yous and pretended to be super excited with my gift regardless if I liked it or not.
So at about 12 years old, I kept asking my mother for my own camera. for months.
Finally Chanukah came and I got a camera. The $20 one from Odd Job (Closeout Connections today) that came in a plastic blister packaging and it also included a camera case and other camera accessories. I can not forget my disbelief that she got me a camera which was perfect for a 6 year old. I couldn't even hide my disappointment. So she took it back. And I really didn't need it. And neither wanted it back. But I felt bad for HER so I pretended that I want it back because I do want it. And she was like "No, you don't know how to appreciate gifts blablabla lecturing me about being mannered and having good middos.. And it was brutal for me to keep pretending that I want it back but I did it because I knew that my initial reaction was shock and I didn't want to make her feel bad. In the end she did give it to me.
Yes a gift is an extra but if you are going to give a gift, don't underestimate your recipient. I was actually hurt that she got me such a cheap camera. Is that what I kept asking for for months? Did she think for 1 minute that I will be happy with such a baby'ish camera? She could've gotten me something else for that price range if she didn't want to spend more.

amother

NeonPurple

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 12:29 pm

If my kid tantrums or throws a gift anyone gave I would be upset. Set rules and expectations of behaviors.
Re: Rebbe. When did you give it? I would wait a week before getting annoyed they didn't say thanks. Honestly I hate the generic "thanks for the lovely gift" mass email. Put some thought into it because I worked extremely hard for that money.

↑ listenhere

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 12:29 pm

amother Puce wrote:

The last line is a good gift giving rule in general.

Work within your budget, but rather buy an expensive version of a cheaper item than a cheap version of an expensive item.

A $20 camera will be less appreciated than a $10 toothbrush. A $20 sweater will be less appreciated than $20 socks.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 1:31 pm

Thank you everyone for your replies.

It's very helpful.

You are right this generation is impossible to make happy because they are measuring up against someone else, always.
And I can't afford fancy expensive jewelry and the other name brands that want.
Or electric scooters and what not that there is out there.

From now on I need to figure out how much gelt to give them and a fair amount, and it will be the same amount every year iyh..if they complain I will explain them with this money they can put it towards whatever they like.

Regarding their needs yes I will buy them the sneakers ugg boots etc. Because it's something they need and they don't demand these things too often.

Regarding the Rebbe's it's a small school and they have my # they can send a quick text thank you ..
They still didn't thank me for the end of the year presents.
So from now on
I will give nothing.
Maybe Purim I will send a generic shaloch manos.
I will see

Thank you again for your validation it helps