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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Giving Gifts
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amother
Dahlia
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 Sun, Dec 29 2024, 7:09 am
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I'm sorry. I give cash for the kids all the time and let them figure out what to buy with it. That said, I would not return anything I bought. If they don't like it they can give it away but they're not getting anything else.
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amother
Cadetblue
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 7:39 am
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I'm so sorry op. We don't give presents. I agree that if your kid behave like that they shouldn't get any presents.
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amother
Blonde
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 7:42 am
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It's so hard to have your efforts and money (especially when it's tight) not appreciated and disrrgarded. I think that anyone would conclude that they're not giving gifts after that.
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Rappel
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 7:46 am
We don't give gifts, per se.
We make doughnuts or latkes together, and play dreidel. We sing songs, we dance. Maybe a new game appears for the family to play, but not more than that. We do take them on trips during chanukah - usually one expensive one, like the zoo, and others are hikes or family outings.
It's very nice. Maybe try it, OP.
OP,May you see much Hatzlacha and Simcha through your children, always.
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rachlglsr
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 7:52 am
Just letting you know that you are not alone.
Asked DS 9 what he wanted. He chose it. He STILL complained!!! Took it back. I didn’t think my kids were spoiled but im rethinking that.
DS also complained.
My little ones got princess electric toothbrushes from walmart and couldn't have been happier.
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amother
DarkGray
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 7:52 am
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OP it's the challenge of our generation the amount of materialism that surrounds them makes it very difficult to be happy with what you get.
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amother
Cherry
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:09 am
I don't understand why kids needs gifts at all.
I never got any growing up and my kids don't get anything now either.
We do have a nice family situation after lighting with goodies, games, baking chanukah themed cookies, dancing, candle making, watching a DVD and visiting grandparents.
Most kids have so much stuff already. They don't need expensive gifts. I do buy paint sets and fun toys but it's to share as a family. If you don't like it, don't use it.
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imaima
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:16 am
| amother OP wrote: | There the title says it all
I'm done 
My children didn't like what I chose for them.
The older ones made mean comments about the gift I chose.
My son threw his across the floor.
The Rebbe's never even acknowledged they received anything.
I'm done
I'm going to send a card with a small amount of cash what I can afford and that's it.
For my children the same.
I feel so dumb now I have to go return everything.
Thank you for listening  |
It’s so so painful
I am so sorry
Absolutely do what you are planning to do
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Bnei Berak 10
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:25 am
| rachlglsr wrote: | Just letting you know that you are not alone.
Asked DS 9 what he wanted. He chose it. He STILL complained!!! Took it back. I didn’t think my kids were spoiled but im rethinking that.
DS also complained.
My little ones got princess electric toothbrushes from walmart and couldn't have been happier. |
He chose a gift and then *complained*?  He has succeeded to leave me speechless.
You did the right thing.
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amother
Ballota
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:47 am
I used to say that I don’t give Chanuka presents. I was happy for the kids that they got some tchotchkes and gelt from family parties but I didn’t buy them anything. They still had a nice Chanuka. We had donuts and chocolate gelt… Chanuka parties and a special supper at home. When people would ask me what I’m buying for my kids for Chanuka I would answer that I don’t buy Chanuka presents. Instead everyone gets something on pesach- afikomen presents.
When my kids got older and they started asking why they don’t get anything from us, I reminded them about the afikomen presents instead and the small prizes and gelt they got from grandparents and cousins.
Peer pressure is very strong. One year I bought them a family Chanuka present. They were happy and had fun with it. It was something I wanted to buy for them anyway so I gave it to them on Chanuka. The next year they expected something on Chanuka. I bought them a small family gift and then took them ice skating on their day off from school. They weren’t so happy when they spoke to their friends and heard about their expensive personal gifts and elaborate trips. So the following year I decided to make them happy and bought a gift for each child. Only two kids appreciated what I bought. I ended up returning some gifts and some gifts remained untouched.
This year they keep telling me what they want but I don’t want to buy gifts just because everyone else does it. I think I will give them gelt instead. I know there’s a thrill to open a wrapped present and I know they feel deprived when they speak to their friends but I don’t think giving presents on Chanuka is really the right thing to do. Plus, giving presents to big kids and expecting to make everyone happy is impossible.
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amother
Outerspace
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:52 am
I am so sorry! You sound like a great mom, I would be so hurt.
I am struggling soo much and still gave money to the teachers, office staff etc. didn’t get one thank you. And I gave more than the recommended amount and it was such a stretch for us financially
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groovy1224
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 8:53 am
I'm so sorry OP.
In the Rebbi's defense though, it's quite early to expect a thank you note already.
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amother
Indigo
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 9:07 am
Entitlement generation.
It's not you.
It's not what you bought.
It's the new generation and we cannot possibly do enough for them.
They aren't happy with anything, because someone else got something better.
Take them to Florida and you're the most boring parents. It's not an exotic enough destination.
It's terribly sad.
Return the gifts and give cash. And don't expect them to be happy with that either. Because someone else got more.
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lavendar310
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 9:13 am
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Don't give. Even when I got presents I didn't like (I have specific taste) I always am so grateful that someone took the time to get me something. If there's no thank you, there's no gift. That's what my grandmother taught me lol
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amother
Currant
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 9:16 am
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The solution is to put the responsibility on them. To make them buy each other's gifts. You can fund it if you feel like it.
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amother
Skyblue
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 9:49 am
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I gave up. My kids pick what they want.
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amother
Aubergine
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 9:53 am
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I buy personalized visa gift cards. It's cool having your own "credit card" and it teaches them budgeting when they have to figure out what "fits in" in the amount they received. When spent, they add it to their collection.
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giftedmom
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Sun, Dec 29 2024, 10:53 am
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We have a “Chanukah wishlist” that they start adding to months in advance. Very exciting. I pick a few things off that list. Ever since I started doing that they’re very happy and excited with their gifts.
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