Poll: wives, do you know your household bills and bank accou

Vegan Yenta ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 2:02 pm

I have been married since 1984. During our brief engagement all my husbands bank accounts were added to my name . I was signed onto his business account. Everything is in my name. All the bills, the electricity, the car, the water bill. My name , I pay the bills with the money my husband earnes. My daughters did the same with their husbands, as well as my daughter in law. Women control all money.
That used to be standard for Ashkenasi women of a certain generation.
It's time to reclaim the tradition.

amother

↑ Mulberry ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 2:05 pm

Vegan Yenta wrote:

What if I don’t want to?

↑ Vegan Yenta

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 2:15 pm

amother Mulberry wrote:

What if I don’t want to?

Why wouldn't a woman want to?
The house /is me. I am our home.
I am respected as an Aishes Chayil. Part of our responsibilities is being the one who considers the field and buys it.

amother

↑ Mulberry ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 2:17 pm

Vegan Yenta wrote:

Why wouldn't a woman want to?
The house /is me. I am our home.
I am respected as an Aishes Chayil. Part of our responsibilities is being the one who considers the field and buys it.

I have no interest. Numbers float in front of me and don’t mean anything. So I let my husband deal with it all. I can’t balance a checkbook properly to save my life.

amother

White

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 2:36 pm

amother Daphne wrote:

The question is, does my husband know our bills, bank accounts, and financial situation. lol.

ADHD husband = wife fully in charge of $$

Same!

amother

PlumPink

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 2:41 pm

amother Lightgreen wrote:

I think the kind of women who are left in the dark are less likely to be on imamother and therefore less likely to vote in this poll, in two categories. First are very ultra orthodox people who think it’s the frummest way to do things and they are not on the internet. Second are severely abused wives whose husbands keep them off the finances and also off the internet.

What a silly post.

Likely "ultra orthodox" women are the breadwinners and on top of finances. And as someone who has very yeshivish friends I can attest to this.
I am the outlier in my group that my husband handles my bills. The more yeshivish u are the more independent the woman is. A fact I always found pretty ironic.

I have women I know who choose to remain uninvolved in finanaces for different reasons. I see a few posters gere saying that theyre husbands are not involved... No one is protesting on behalf of that man saying oh but what if she dies..

amother

↑ Mulberry

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 2:44 pm

People are forgetting that there is a difference between choosing to not know, and being kept in the dark. Even with the latter, there is a difference between “this is what works for us” and a husband being malicious.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 3:33 pm

Vegan Yenta wrote:

Curious when THIS was the norm? Not saying its not a great idea, just wondering.

amother

Snowdrop

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 3:41 pm

I'm the main breadwinner (kollel) and I do all the finances. My husband pays the maaser based on my calculations, but I do everything else. He occasionally asks questions about the finances but I'm the type to give a running commentary about it anyway.

amother

Acacia

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 4:24 pm

Yes and no.
Our situation is different because we are second marriage in our 30s.
I have my own money from my own business that I use to pay for my clothing and any gifts for DH.
He pays the rent and utilities at home and I never see the bills or contribute.
I buy food and ask him to reimburse me for butcher, grocery and fish but not if I purchase anything ready or from the bakery.
He used to give me petty cash every few weeks for the first 3 or 4 months of our marriage, but has since stopped.
I pay for the cleaning help and most home maintenance and repairs.
He pays for any large appliance or home purchase such as a freezer or new pots and pans for pesach.

amother

Hawthorn

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 4:32 pm

I’m the ADHD one and I’m the one fully responsible for all our finances. DH works and makes a nice paycheck but I’m the one who takes care of all the accounting needs.
I did show DH how to pay his credit card, see what’s masser and which accounts to pay from etc. just in case, however I still usually do it or I’ll remind him to do his cc’s.

amother

Azure

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 5:00 pm

amother Stoneblue wrote:

Dh and I both work, we each have our own completely separate bank account and we split bills more or less fairly. We don't know the exact amount of each other's money in the bank but I assume dh would tell me if his was in the minus. I would mention if mine was, even if only in order to shift some bills over to him. I guess he would have the same motivation. We discuss bigger spendings openly.
We got married when we both were older and working. I think that naturally lead to our arrangement.

Does he also carry the kids for 4.5 months out of 9?

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 11:10 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Curious when THIS was the norm? Not saying its not a great idea, just wondering.

Im about the same age as Vegan and yes, this was the norm. It also served as a solution in case something happened to one spouse (did you write a will who would raise your kids in case both parents couldnt...? we were told to)
Even my mothers generation where they did the divide and conquer approach, my mothers names was on every document and account etc.

When we married, there were no secrets between spouses. No emails (private or otherwise), no smartphones with WhatsApp. If my husband got mail I knew about it (didnt open it oc, but it wasnt a secret).
Technology has encouraged us to separate ourselves from others.
to avoid this: My dh and I both have each others emails on each others computers so no secrets.

↑ shabbatiscoming

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 11:32 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

She wrote that the woman was in charge of everything and everything was in her name. I was asking when THAT was the norm?
Not that both husband and wife know.
I also got married before smart phones or whatsapp. How is that connected?

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Yesterday at 1:50 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

As I wrote, we had fewer ways to keep secrets

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya

Yesterday at 1:52 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

It was practical as women generally outlived men. By more than today. Our life expectancy was affected when we returned to work...