Poll: wives, do you know your household bills and bank accou

amother

↑ Petunia

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 8:49 am

Trademark wrote:

Is she a child that needs to be shielded from the realities of life? I don't understand how it's good for anyone for the wife to be in the dark.

Nobody is saying it's the right thing to do! But it is a tendency men have, to try to shield their wives from problems. At least MY husband has that tendency, maybe I'm projecting.

amother

Anemone

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 8:51 am

I used to do all the bills until there was not enough money to pay them and School administrator called to find out when we were paying! When we started juggling which utility bill gets paid first, I quit!
I would be much better at it than him if I was doing it but it's better for my mental health if I don't!

shabbatiscoming ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 8:56 am

yiddishmom wrote:

I think once debt starts piling up, that's when a husband can become more inclined to leave his wife out of things, to try to shield her.

Thats terrible. Both spouses should be FULLY aware if they are in debt or not.
Nothing to shield. She should know. She isnt a little kept woman. Sbe is an equal partner.

amother

Dandelion

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 8:56 am

I got married when I was older, and always had a good handle on my finances.
One of the biggest struggles was trying to "merge" DH spending habits and mine.
He b"h has alot of money and wants to give generously and I appreciate it. But it became a point of contention. A rav said I need to let it go, and give him full responsibility, and be happy and accept that he wants me to spend without worrying. It's been a year and half, and I am still trying to figure out the right balance between worrying about the future ( baby on the way, trying to buy a house) and wanting to save, and him trusting that all will be ok and we have money for all of it

↑ synthy ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 8:58 am

I have a question for those saying you don’t have a clue about your finances: How do you know what you can afford when shopping? Does your dh give you a spending limit of you assume there’s unlimited money?

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 8:59 am

We are both equally involved in all financial things in ou family.
Thankfully we both have good parent role models in this.

MiracleMama ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:00 am

amother OP wrote:

I have been discussing this subject with a friend who works with people's finances and she claims many wives don't know whether they are in debt or not. I'm curious to see what kind of response I get here.

Our bills, banks accounts, and other financials are an open book. Everything is online and DH talks to me about it constantly but I tune a lot of it out, grateful that he is on top of it. I have enough awareness and full access to step in in an emergency (G-d forbid).

amother

↑ Begonia

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:02 am

yiddishmom wrote:

I think once debt starts piling up, that's when a husband can become more inclined to leave his wife out of things, to try to shield her.

Or to shield himself. It’s what happened with dh.

I’m actually really involved with the finances. I check the accounts and pay most of the bills. But dh had some credit cards and the debt was creeping up and by the time I found out about it, we were like 50k in debt. I knew about the cards but never asked to be added to them because I have my own cards and I never asked if they had balances because I paid mine every month and assumed he did the same. Bh we were able to pay it off but it was hard.

I assume if OP’s friend is involved, there’s already a debt problem and that’s where the wives might not know about it. Even if she has full access and checks their bank accounts every day… debts don’t show up in bank accounts.

↑ synthy ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:08 am

What about credit score? I have the login to both mine and my dh’s credit karma. Sometimes I check both of ours, sometimes he does.

amother

Currant

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:15 am

Trademark wrote:

Is she a child that needs to be shielded from the realities of life? I don't understand how it's good for anyone for the wife to be in the dark.

He's embarrassed. Its like sneaking cake.

Thats why good to be involved. So he cant hide.

Speaking to myself. In theory I have access to everything. In reality it gets me nervous and I dont look. I really should
(Also becomes a problem to not know of chas vesholom something happens to a spouse).

Both dh and I are frugal and I know we have enough for anything I need to buy.
Big ticket items we discuss.

Genius

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:18 am

A wife should know what’s going on. She should know how much spending money there is, which investments were made and how to access accounts in case of emergency. She doesn’t have to take responsibility, but I don’t understand choosing to be in the dark.

amother

↑ Sage ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:39 am

synthy wrote:

I know some women don’t, and it makes me both angry and sad. Unless there’s serious mental health concerns such as extreme anxiety, why should a wife not know how much cc debt “her husband” has? Why should she then go on and swipe another 5k for yom tov clothing for kids so her husband can go shnor from his family and friends, and everyone can look at her like a nebech?

I trust my husband to be open with me about our current financial matzav. As he is, on occasion, I might say I'd like to spend on X and he says it's just not in the cards right now. This setup would not work for many couples, but in our situation, I'm the one with ADHD and he has proven himself trustworthy, and yes, I do have anxiety from financial stuff, so it's just better this way. No need to be angry or sad. I'm not.

amother

↑ Sage

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:44 am

synthy wrote:

We both got married in our mid 20s and we were financially independent and had our own bank accounts. I continued to have my earnings put in my bank account (this is the only way I can get remote US income, into my US bank account, we now live abroad and he does not hold US citizenship) and his earnings into his account. So I definitely know what's going on in my account, how much I have, how much is set aside for tax and mayser.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:45 am

For those women who know nothing about your finances, leave everything to your hisbands, what if one day, your husband was not there anymore? Death, divorce, who knows what? You will be up !@#₪ creek without a paddle to have to all of a sudden figure it out.
Thats why I think some here are angry or sad sbout te women who know nothing. It could have devastating effects.

amother

Babypink

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:49 am

It's odd here. He has the digital access to our account- the bank locked me out due to a password reset issue and I need to get back in.
But I pay every DMV or electric bill as he would never remember to. Adhd.

amother

Darkblue

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:49 am

amother Sage wrote:

Same here! I prefer it this way since I'm hopeless with numbers and finances and BH my DH is a very responsible man. It just what works for us.

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:52 am

I took charge (check balances, pay bills etc) but he’s knows what’s going on and makes most of the money. He could take over if needed.

amother

Quince

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:52 am

I'm better with taking care of bills and being on top of paperwork, he understands things like investing and economics (wayyyyyyyyy over my head), so our deal is that I'm in charge of the bills and he does investment things.

amother

Iris

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:53 am

synthy wrote:

Sometimes he says that we need to be „careful“ till a certain point, when the money is supposed to come in. But I also don’t buy crazy things all the time.