S/o kollel are you taking support from someone who can’t….

doodlesmom

Today at 7:16 pm

Just wondering if you are receiving support from parents who really can’t afford it, and what your justification is?

Also if your giving support and you really can’t afford it how you feel about it?

amother

Forsythia

Today at 7:20 pm

My parents and the other side are giving what they can afford - along with having the couple for shabbosim /yuntif helps after baby’s born etc..which hopefully saves them money here and there.

I think they’re grateful I think the couples kinda expect it from parents if they’re in the kollel world.. but they living simply and they’re grateful

amother

Begonia

Today at 7:51 pm

I married a guy who was going out to work bec I knew my parents couldn’t afford

I think if parents cannot afford to support they should have that conversation with the kids. Honesty.

amother

Raspberry

Today at 7:56 pm

My in laws support their dds and they can't afford it. Somehow they manage it anyway. And since my sils are expected to get married super young with no degree and keep their husbands in learning and pop out babies constantly I think they should be getting that support. How could they do it otherwise?

To be clear, the expectation is coming from my in laws. They want this lifestyle for their daughters (and their son, but that's a conversation for a different day, and no it isn't happening LOL)

amother

Grape

Today at 7:59 pm

When DH was in kollel full time we received support, but not in the form of cash, and that was fine with us. We both stayed on our parents phone plans because they said it made no difference. The car that I drove during those years belonged to my parents so they were paying for registration renewal and insurance. And my in laws lived in the neighbourhood so my MIL would constantly hang treats from the grocery store on our door, and I would always go over after Shabbos to get their leftovers.

OP- I don’t know if this is the kind of support you were referring to, but just wanted to put this perspective out there. Some of us receive(d) help from parents who don’t have much money to give but still want to help in some way, and I don’t think a justification is necessarily needed…especially since most in such a situation are pulling their own weight to make kollel work.

amother

Daffodil

Today at 8:01 pm

But define not afford? What is your cheshbon?

If one’s parents are 75yo and can pay all their current bills, but can’t retire or cut back on the hours they work or go to Florida to get out of the cold during the winter, is that affording?

What about if they are 55 or 60 and can pay their bills but haven’t gotten a new shaital in years and they need to make a takana wedding for their younger kids (and it is not the community norm).

Are we talking about someone with 50 million dollars who is giving their kids 2K per month, or someone who is just getting by as they work multiple jobs to support kids?

amother

Fern

Today at 8:11 pm

I’ve always thought my parents were wealthy. My father told us no problem, he’d give x amount per month. Recently, I’ve heard stories from my siblings at home about him worrying about certain things that were costing him a lot. But honestly I know how much he makes, and it’s a ton. These things just weren’t part of his monthly budget, and he thinks taking money out of savings is a cardinal sin, even though he has millions. And he tells us every month how happy he is to be giving to us. So what, am I supposed to approach him and ask him? I have told him a couple times that we’ll be fine on our own, every time I get a raise or something, and he always says it’s fine.

amother

Orchid

Today at 9:27 pm

Rambam hilchos teshuva lists a few groups people for whom there is no possibility of teshuva.

One of those is someone who partakes of a meal as a guest when there isn't enough food for the baal habayis.

Food for thought.

Dh learned in kollel for almost 8 years, a few of which I was a sahm, with no support.

amother

Currant

Today at 9:33 pm

My parents have no money and have never helped us, however I really don't understand what they were thinking. They pressured us to get married very young with little or no savings on a entry level salary, marry a learning boy and have as many kids as possible right away. Some of my siblings are really struggling and I can't help resenting the system.

amother

Aconite

Today at 9:34 pm

amother Orchid wrote:

If he was in kollel and you were a sahm how did you pay your bills