Wedding gift - Baltimore

amother

Poinsettia ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:17 pm

hmm. well I live in Baltimore. I m guessing it depends on the circles you move in, but quite honestly I am very surprised at the $200/person suggestion. Truly , my recently married kids did not get any gifts anything like that! More typical was a check or a gift to the value of about $36-$50 with the occasional gift of $100 or $150. Maybe us and our mechutanim all have either poor friends and family, or stingy frugal friends and family.
I usually give a gift to the value of about $25-50 depending on how close we are to the baalei simchas.

amother

Zinnia ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:53 pm

amother Poinsettia wrote:

I agree with this. We usually give in the 50ish range.Though they’ll be super happy with something closer to $200 per person 🙂.

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 5:08 am

amother Poinsettia wrote:

Just confirming, can I give $54 even if we join for the meal, or that looks stingy?

amother

↑ Zinnia ↓

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 5:38 am

amother OP wrote:

Just confirming, can I give $54 even if we join for the meal, or that looks stingy?

Totally fine! I don’t think most people here calculate and expect the price of the gift to equal the cost of the meal.

amother

↑ Poinsettia ↓

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 7:21 am

amother Pear wrote:

If your invited and staying for the meal I would say you should give a minimum $100. Or find a gift on their registry around that price range.

If you cant afford to do that then that is absolutley not necessary, sorry. We dont know the OP or her income and expenses. So how can you say that? If the baalei simcha have invited her they presumably would like her to come even without a gift. There is no obligation to give a big gift at all! There have been times that I have gone to weddings and the baalei simcha have been thrilled that we were there and they made that obvious to us. And our little $25 gift definitely didnt have any connection to that.
As somebody who has married off kids, I feel that there is no connection in the mind of the baalei simcha as to if anyone gave or didnt give gifts. Half the time I didnt even know if people gave my kids gifts, until my married dd asked me for so and so's address. Thats often how I knew they had given a gift. I have no idea at all what the gifts were. Not from lack of interest, but often the gifts were delivered to the mechutanims house because the gift giver lived closer to them etc.

amother

↑ Pear

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 8:00 am

amother Poinsettia wrote:

Except she never said she couldnt afford it she was just asking the acceptable amount. The acceptable amount would be $100. You cant go out to eat for 2 people for $54 so yes I would say give more than that if you are staying for the meal.

amother

↑ Zinnia

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 9:47 am

amother Pear wrote:

But are people really inviting guests and expecting them to pay for their meal?
My parents certainly did not for my wedding. They figured out how many people we could afford to have and we invited accordingly.
Of course it’s nice to give a more expensive gift and would be more appreciated and $100 is totally reasonable if OP can do so but if that’s too much then less is acceptable as well.

amother

↑ Poinsettia ↓

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 10:07 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

Excactly. I dont get the 'paying for the meal' thing.
The parents are paying for the meal.
The gifts are going to chosson and kallah.
So whats the big connection and feeling that you need to pay for your meal?

amother

↑ Poinsettia

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 10:08 am

amother Pear wrote:

Just btw I live in Baltimore and I never spend more than $54 when I eat out with dh.
Accents - each entree, pitcher of water = less than $54
pizza = way less than $54
david chus = 2 entrees = less than $54
The Royal = 2 entrees = less than $54.

I dont get that comment. Do most people spend a ton when eating out? Confused