Do you go to your childs bris?

amother

↑ Gold

Tue, Jul 11 2023, 3:37 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

I reported this post. Your nastiness and crudeness were uncalled-for. The obligation is the husband's, not the baby's, true, but the bris is the ceremony that officially welcomes the child into the Jewish people. A mother should be proud to be present. Furthermore, it's the first mitzvah in which the baby is a PARTICIPANT. Why shouldn't a mother want to be there? Do you feel a mother shouldn't be present at her baby's pidyon, either?

Thank you, I appreciate it.

I wasn't trying to say you must be there, and I know that it isn't the "baby's mitzvah".
To me it was just a very nice perspective and I was very happy I was there.
Just my personal feelings (which this thread is full of).

amother

↑ Ivory

Tue, Jul 11 2023, 7:03 pm

keym wrote:

Yes.
I went to all my boys brissim.
My babies were all colicky. They cried when they were unswaddled.
When the mohel opened their diaper, put on alcohol, etc they cried. But I was always able to tell when the mila happened. There was a different pitch. A shrill hysteria of pain for a minute and then settled back into regular crying.
It was a similar cry by vaccines, heel pricks.
It was pain.
It was over very quickly. And it's a Mitzva and I'm going to do it.
But I 100% disagree that there's no pain, or that it's just the opening of the diaper.
My kids all cried differently during the actual mila

Of course I'm not saying babies don't feel pain during the mila. But that level of pain is for about half a minute, a minute at most, and any other crying during the bris is regular uncomfortable crying, that will happen very frequently throughout their entire first year of life. And even that minute of pain- they'll have that as well fairly often. At every shot, every time they miscalculate their movement and bonk their head into something, every time a toddler sibling accidentally hurts them- like, it happens. Are people who find the bris so traumatic that they can't get over it fine with all these other episodes of crying? Why is this to the level that they can't bear to attend the bris, but can manage to bear all those other events? Or are people falling apart every other time their baby shrieks in pain too?

amother

Foxglove ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 1:26 am

Sorry for bumping up this conversation.
But I have more questions.
For the people that say it’s their minhag not to attend their son’s bris, do you know why? Here n there people mentioned ayin hora. Are you sure that’s the reason? Did you ask?
I find that very hard to believe. Since in the same circles that women have that minhag, they also have the minhag to make a vacht nacht, where many times is turns into a lavish affair. Men’s side, ladies side, hot food, cakes, desserts, waiters… etc! More people actually show up than to a bris. Because it’s in the evening and more women are available. The mother needs to be all dressed up in a wig and makeup and entertain the guests. How is that not an ayin hora? I’m so confused. What’s the difference?

amother

Burgundy

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 4:41 am

amother Foxglove wrote:

There is no excuse for doing that to a woman. AFAIK there is minimal if any halachic justification for that insanity. We held lovely, measured vach nachts for men only .

amother

Geranium ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 7:47 am

amother Foxglove wrote:

There is nothing behind the over the top lavish vach nach with women all dressed to the nines entertaining their company. . It is just something that got out of control became a norm and a massive money making business. Cach nach is a big minhag and similar it doesn't have to cause thousands of dollars and pressure to kipitur.
I didn't grow up chasidush and went to my first bris. After that I didn't and not going has really been much better for me. Not getting dressed with a post partum body. Having to get baby and self out. Standing walking coming schmoozing all touch for me.caring for baby .and yes the crying by bris. I stay home and daven and am ready to great my baby when he's brought back

strong mom

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 8:27 am

amother Foxglove wrote:

In the olden days for a woman to be up and about 8 days after birth was very unusual and other one would become very jealous. There was no womans vacht nacht at all. And off course the woman was not coming to the bris. I wanted to attend my son's bris so I asked and I was told that today's day everyone is up and about by 8 days so there's nothing wrong with attending and that's what I did

amother

↑ Oleander

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 9:21 am

amother Geranium wrote:

I have never EVER been to a bris in which the mother was all dressed fancy (just nice weekday) and having to stand and greet people. The mom is ALWAYS sitting in her seat with the baby near her, a friend or two near her, no expectations on her at all.

Tzutzie ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 9:32 am

Chayalle wrote:

I don't have any sons but if I did, live dragons couldn't keep me from my baby at his bris.

For those of you who don't go to your son's bris. I say this with respect for your minhag, but please make sure there's someone who is REALLY taking care of your baby at the Bris. The whole time. Someone designated to stay with him.

My sister went to her nephew's Bris. Her husband's brother is Chassidish. She drove into Brooklyn with her two little ones. When she arrived at the shul, she heard the sound of a newborn crying. Followed the sound into a room, where her little nephew was in his car seat with not a single adult in sight. The men were in the Bais Medrash room davening, and her MIL and he SIL's mother were in the hall downstairs, setting up. NO ONE was watching the baby. She said she could've taken him, no one would've known. She stayed there comforting him while watching her own two little ones, till the mohel showed up.

FYI my best friend couldn't be at her son's bris, due to some post-birth complications. I was privileged to go the Bris and be the designated person to stay with him and take care of him, and then take him from the Bris straight to the kimpeturin heim where she was recovering.

That is crazy! That poor baby.

No I didn't. My family went to shul, mil came to pick him up, right before bris, then brought him back right away. My mother and mil were there for him every second that he wasn't with the mohel/men.

We live a 4 minute walk from shul. 30 second drive. Literally.
He was all settled and sleeping contently when he came back. He was gone maybe 20-25 minutes.

The mohel cames to do the first diaper change. Than I went to eishes chayil. The model there checks on all the babies making sure they heal properly.
We used the same mohel as the one eishes chayil employs.

amother

↑ Sand

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 9:35 am

amother Snow wrote:

I didn’t read all the answers so I apologize if this was already discussed, but what happens to the baby after the Milah if you’re not there? Does he scream the whole way home till you could nurse him? Do you give a bottle? Calm him down a different way?

I heard that chassidish mothers don’t go and I understand the reasons, I just never got that part.

You have a grandmother or aunt bring them annd watch them the whole time and comfort them after. Yes you send along a bottle.

↑ Tzutzie

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 9:35 am

amother Snow wrote:

You send along a bottle. Either pumped milk or formula.
Most of the time you do bris close to where mommy is.

amother

Snowflake

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 9:35 am

amother Snow wrote:

I went with kvatter for my younger siblings
They didn't cry
We drove straight home 2 minutes away

amother

Cantaloupe

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 9:49 am

amother Foxglove wrote:

I never heard the ein hara piece. Never.

My husband made a fancy vacht nacht for our son. Weather was perfect. Half the pregnancy, as soon as we found out it will be a boy, (first boy and then we continued having girls. So I'm half he got to push that in. Lol) he got to installing lighting and perfecting the backyard. Bh the weather played along too. Was a stunning simcha!
His family heard were having a party planner, they assumed it's a for ladies too.
They all showed up one by one. My family traveled hours to come, but that stayed in the car because that knew I didn't invite snd hadn't prepped. But when dhs family showed up one by one (including married nieces. Lol!) I told them they must come in too.
I was so overwhelmed. It was crazy!!!!
I felt badly to send them away. The are truly lovely sweet nice poeple. They are my family too! But there was nothing prepared for the ladies. Nothing. Not even a tablecloth. I was in comfy, not presentable clothing. I had to rub change. Was so embarrassing. And overwhelming.

I'm so not the party hosting type either! Although I bh did feel really good after this particular birth, I still want up to hosting.

I believe it's nuts to make a ladies vacht nacht.
One of my sil who loves party planning and hosting, (like my husband. Lol!) Had a fancy affair at a fancy hall.
It truly was a lovely simcha! But on the way out, I saw how her hands and body were shaking from weakness and overwhelm.
I felt sorry for her. I really hope it was worth it for her.