Anyone have a child with rejection sensitive dysphoria?

amother

↑ Mocha ↓

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 8:13 pm

amother Myrtle wrote:

You can't tip toe around them being afraid they will be hurt. They will never grow that way and continue thinking they are perfect.

The people in my life who have it certainly don't think they're perfect. in fact, it's the opposite.
They are very down on themselves.

If I bring up something to dh that he does that hurts me, he literally gets down and depressed for a few days wondering how such a horrible person he could be for hurting me.

It took a long time for me to understand this, I kept saying "I don't get it, YOU hurt ME, how is this all about YOU now?"

amother

↑ Myrtle

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 8:15 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Yes, I meant more so to help them recognize that they need help and they can't blame everyone else for their problems.

amother

↑ Begonia

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 8:25 pm

If it’s your child the best thing you can do is help them now even if they protest and claim you are hurting them. The worst thing you can do is let them continue like this and make it their spouse’s problem in the future. And the marriage might not actually survive it. I really thought we would get divorced so many times.

amother

Brunette ↓

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 8:26 pm

amother Myrtle wrote:

As I stated before I have both a child and husband that have it.
In order to help them grow and learn you can't tip toe.

Agree. My ex was like this. He was always right and it was always everyone who was the problem. You couldn't make him acknowledge anything at all.

amother

↑ Mocha

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 8:28 pm

amother Brunette wrote:

Agree. My ex was like this. He was always right and it was always everyone who was the problem. You couldn't make him acknowledge anything at all.

This sounds a lot more like narcissism than Rejection sensitivity dysphoria.

I think some posters are misunderstanding what it really is.

amother

↑ Brunette

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 8:43 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

This sounds a lot more like narcissism than Rejection sensitivity dysphoria.

I think some posters are misunderstanding what it really is.

The narcissim developed because of the rejection sensitivity dysphoria. That became his defense mechanism.

Believe me, I know exactly what it is. If I so much said that I'm not in the mood tonight to be with him, his reaction was beyond. He equated it to me hating him, and that I'm rejecting him as a spouse, etc. Same with other aspects of life.

Eventually it morphed into him being right about everything and everyone else is in the wrong. That's the only way he could go on with his day.

WhatFor ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 2:28 am

amother OP wrote:

Are you speaking from experience? My understanding is that such people aren't receptive to therapy either because they feel rejected there as well.

Honestly, I suspect he has something more than just RSD. I have ADHD which comes with RSD and I've never had a problem with going to therapy. I love that kind of guidance. Most ADHD people I know are very open to guidance- that's different from criticism and even perceived criticism. Lots of kids with RSD/ADHD are open to guidance because we recognize that we missed social cues and are getting negative feedback and we want it to stop.

My impression is that your DS seems to maybe have something more along the lines of a rigidity, in that he completely falls apart when someone has a different opinion? Was he ever evaluated and diagnosed? I wonder if there's some ASD there as well. Or some other personality thing that's making him so resistant to counseling.

↑ WhatFor

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 2:34 am

amother Mocha wrote:

This sounds a lot more like narcissism than Rejection sensitivity dysphoria.

I think some posters are misunderstanding what it really is.

I liked your post but I don't think it's ideal to label a child with narcissism (I don't think you did, I think you responded to a different poster, but saying I don't think OP should.)

At this age I'd think it might be more of a defense mechanism, for whatever reason, than narcissism. If it's part of a rigidity, then it could be an ASD thing. If OP's family or community, or her DS's school stigmatizes therapy or ADHD/ASD at all, then her DS's reaction is technically a reasonable response. Nobody wants to be "crazy". We don't know why he's behaving this way. But OP definitely needs to get him evaluated if she hasn't already. And please somehow get him to go to therapy regardless of what he wants. He's a kid. He needs these skills for life.

amother

Chicory ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 4:02 am

Is this an evaluation you've received from a professional or you diagnosing based on reading online? If you've been to a professional, this question should be addressed to them. If it's a self-diagnosis I would strongly recommend a full professional evaluation - for all you know there is something else going on here as well/instead. I've never seen this as a stand-alone diagnosis. (professional background as an educational psychologist).

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 6:56 am

amother Chicory wrote:

RSD isn't given as a diagnosis anywhere. It's just a term that explains the extreme reactions some people have to criticism and perceived rejection. Obviously this child has other things going on. I was just wondering if anyone dealt with this from a parenting end and how.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 6:57 am

WhatFor wrote:

You're right, it's not an adhd response for my child. It's coming from anxiety. And yes, we're dealing with it.

amother

Dimgray

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 7:20 am

My child has ADHD, anxiety and RSD. she’s been in therapy since she was young and it’s definitely been helpful. I think you need to push therapy, even if it’s a rough start.
We are always very careful to treat therapy as a positive helpful thing, as opposed to something lacking on her part.

Also, from a social standpoint, we really try to promote the friendships with more easygoing girls than reactive type. With the reactive type girls she had constant social drama.

watergirl

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 7:28 am

amother OP wrote:

You're right, it's not an adhd response for my child. It's coming from anxiety. And yes, we're dealing with it.

[I]
The way of dealing with this properly is by going to therapy, which you said upthread you have not tried.

No matter how well a pop psychology diagnosis may fit our loved ones, there really is a danger to doing this. Your child is suffering, he needs professional help. What you describe sounds like anxiety and extremely low self-esteem. When the voices in our head drowned out reality, you need professional intervention before it spirals into serious depression.

I know that it feels validating to have a name for the symptoms your child is exhibiting. However, professional help is the way to address and work on this. Not pop-psychology websites and asking others how they deal with it in the absence of professional help.

My husband and son both are very very sensitive to what they perceive to be a hint of rejection or slight. My son has anxiety and depression and therapy and anxiety. Meds is the only thing that gives him relief as well as teaching him the tools to self talk and coach himself out of the feelings of rejection.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the gold standard for changing thought patterns and getting out of a spiral. Please take your child to a therapist.

amother

↑ Chicory ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 5:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

You're right, it's not an adhd response for my child. It's coming from anxiety. And yes, we're dealing with it.

I don't agree that it comes from anxiety. It's a vicious circle of feeding on each other. There is most likely an underlying cause for both of them. Please take your child to an experienced professional.

amother

Burntblack

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 6:05 pm

My son has all the signs of RSD. He also has symptoms of anxiety, ADHD, and ASD.
The phychiatric PA we took him to said RSD is not a stand diagnosis. It is part of other disorders.
After spending half an hour trying to kick and punch me, my son will then spend another half hour complainimg that no one loves him.
He has been seeing a social worker for a year who is trying to work with him. My son enjoys going. It's 45 minutes where someone is completely focused on him.

We are also looking into other therapies as things escalated recently.
Our house is completely dysfunctional because of this. We are Looking into parenting classes also cause my husband and I are both on the verge of nervous breakdowns.
Hope this helps.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 12:32 am

amother Chicory wrote:

What vicious cycle? Underlying cause for both what?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 12:37 am

amother Burntblack wrote:

Of course it's part of a bigger picture. I've taken many parenting courses. I don't find most of them applicable to a child like this. I'm sorry you're dealing with this too.

amother

Maize

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 12:58 am

I was like this. I actually see it as a sort of mild narcissism. You need boundaries and they need to learn to deal with rejection. Reacting strongly is a really easy way of getting out of needing to change, whether it's subconscious or not. It's super easy to enable if you're afraid of seeing them upset. Safe people become people who are afraid of conflict, shamattahs who will put up with their fragility and inability to see the needs of others and their own responsibility to correct themselves.

I was an insufferable adult until I realized how selfish I was being thinking I had to be so important and perfect. I still gets stings of rejection but I know now that I'm just another person in the universe and everyone is imperfect, so I can realize the hurt is my own ego, take a deep breath, and carry on with life.

PS I think labels for these disorders also enable them and make them feel like something you can't get better from.