Hes being bullied. WWYD?

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:58 pm

My first son in cheder and hes being bullied. The rebbe tried switching their seats but theyre still hurting him. So he doesnt want to go back.
Any ideas how to handle this?

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 7:42 pm

amother Sage wrote:

theres a book 'my friend the bully'
sorry no advice really but teach your son to fight for himself

They came up behind him and kick him.... He says he just walks away and tries to ignore them but sometimes he cries.
What am I supposed to tell him?

amother

Phlox ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 7:55 pm

School has to have a zero tolerance policy. They need to penalize every kid that is involved, they need to involve parents. I had this my school went to the class and told them they get 3 strikes, 1 strike they write an apology note, 2 strikes they get suspended and 3 strikes they evaluate if it’s not the right school for them.

amother

↑ Phlox ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 7:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

They came up behind him and kick him.... He says he just walks away and tries to ignore them but sometimes he cries.
What am I supposed to tell him?

To walk straight to the principal and say I can’t stay in my classroom boys are kicking me.

amother

↑ Sage

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 7:57 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

I love this. Bullying must stop!

amother

Garnet

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 7:59 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

The boys schools don’t care 😢😢

amother

Lightyellow ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:02 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

Does the school actually follow thru with this??? Our school gives to many chances and the bullies never get in trouble.

amother

↑ Lightyellow ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

They came up behind him and kick him.... He says he just walks away and tries to ignore them but sometimes he cries.
What am I supposed to tell him?

Hugs 🤗
Unfortunately I was in ure situation for many yrs. My son went far left due to how much he was bullied. Its so sad and the school doesn't do anything. They keep giving warnings but dnt follow through.
Pp always told me you have to empower ure son and teach him to stand up for himself which we did but honestly it's easier said than done. Wishing you tonz of hatzlacha and hope your son gets out of this situation quickly, in a healthy way

amother

↑ Phlox ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:09 pm

amother Lightyellow wrote:

Does the school actually follow thru with this??? Our school gives to many chances and the bullies never get in trouble.

Yes and because they do step 1 almost everyone stopped and didn’t try step 2.

amother

↑ Lightyellow ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:11 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

Yes and because they do step 1 almost everyone stopped and didn’t try step 2.

Wow!!! I can't believe this. Are you OOT by any chance?

amother

↑ Phlox

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:11 pm

amother Lightyellow wrote:

Wow!!! I can't believe this. Are you OOT by any chance?

No actually in Lakewood but not saying the school

amother

Sunflower

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:13 pm

The only thing that worked was me telling my child to do twice back whatever was done to him

That worked like magic

The bullying stopped after months of trying to speak to parents teachers principals and kids

amother

↑ Lightyellow

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:15 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

No actually in Lakewood but not saying the school

Wow! Very impressed with the school and that they stick to their rules!!

Queen Of Hearts

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:16 pm

Hugs. How old is your son?
If he's old enough I would sign him up for karate or self defense classes. It will give him confidence and strength.
I am very against taking nekamah and teaching kids to fight but imo it's the only way to stop bullying.
The bully/ies need to see that your son is not afraid.
Him crying really eggs them on.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:28 pm

Ask among the other parents if there is a bullying problem in the school/class. There may be a bigger problem here.
If the school (teachers/ principal) won't protect your child or do anything to mechanech the children, you can either change schools (which may or may not help) or bolster your kid.
I like the "My friend, the bully" book approach but with it, I would enroll my child in Krav Maga/Judo or sports. It might give him the confidence to deal with these problems. This does not mean that your son will become a bully but have the self confidence to know that he is stronger than the bullying.
I know what this is like, it's heartbreaking for a parent to see their child a victim.

amother

Amaryllis ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:56 pm

You need the school behind you. I had this with my 7 yr old, went in to the school and told the principal what was going on (after the teacher hadn't managed to stop it completely) and he dealt with it on multiple fronts. First he called the main bully in and really yelled at him. I've had a string of boys through the school and never heard from any of them that he yelled. He said it's the only time he raises his voice. Then he brought in a social skills expert to observe the class and work out what is really going on and do some group work with the kids. Finally, he sent my son to the school psychologist for a few sessions to teach him how to deal with it.
It's been a month and there has been no further issue.

This is an Israeli yeshivish cheider FWIW.

amother

Dahlia

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 10:00 pm

amother Garnet wrote:

The boys schools don’t care 😢😢

Bh my son's school does not tolerate bullying & takes it very seriously.