Does my 12 year old son need to fast on Yom Kippur?

amother

↑ Snapdragon

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 1:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

My son has fasted until chatzos. That isn’t the issue.
What happens after chatzos which is the longest and hardest part of the day is the question.

He gets sent home from shul at that point and served a delicious meal bilka dips hot chulent and deli .he'll break his fast.

↑ new oldie ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 6:08 pm

amother Hyacinth wrote:

Why in the world would you have to "see how they fast".
Many people have issues come up during a fast and if it's not a minor fast will call a Rav to see what to do about breaking it. Why would an extra fast help at all?

One side of the family is great fasters, other side can’t fast for 10 seconds. So we want to see which side each child takes after. Plus it makes them less nervous when they see it’s not a big deal.

amother

Mulberry

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 6:12 pm

I was always brought up to fast the 3 fasts before bar/bas mitzvah.
We held it was like a normal fast.

Before my daughter turned 12 we asked a very yeshivish Rov here and he said not a thing at all. He doesnt make his kids.

If they want to do a bit they can. Thats it.

amother

↑ Maroon

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 8:48 pm

Yoma

הַתִּינוֹקוֹת, אֵין מְעַנִּין אוֹתָן בְּיוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים, אֲבָל מְחַנְּכִין אוֹתָם לִפְנֵי שָׁנָה וְלִפְנֵי שְׁנָתַיִם, בִּשְׁבִיל שֶׁיִּהְיוּ רְגִילִין בַּמִּצְוֹת:
With regard to the children, one does not afflict them by withholding food on Yom Kippur; however, one trains them one year before or two years before they reach majority, by means of a partial fast lasting several hours, so that they will be accustomed to fulfill mitzvot.

I think specifically Yom Kippur and tisha b’av some ppl start from 9. (We are of German descent and keep yekke minhagim)

NotInNJMommy

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 8:52 pm

Need? No. There’s no chiyuv.

I would encourage a boy that age to pick a goal for fasting and try to do that , but it’s totally self driven and up to him when/if he breaks the fast.

If he hasn’t done any practice fasts, maybe just try to fast during the night, maybe eat breakfast slightly later. The goal should be doable.

amother

Mintcream

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 10:36 pm

amother Hyacinth wrote:

Yes our yeshivish Rav agrees with that. There is no such thing as "practicing" to fast. You fast or you don't. Don't make a 12 year old suffer for no reason.
He says most that do it don't have that minhag they just "think" they're supposed to.

I don't agree. I think that when someone first fasts only when they have to, there may be a lot of stress and worry that they wont be able to do it because they have no proof that they can. If the year or two beforehand they fast a good amount of the fast, they can gain a lot of confidence.

amother

Alyssum

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 12:46 am

Our Litvish yeshivish Rov holds there's no inyan or reason to fast three fasts before bar/bas mitzvah.
I would tell a 12 yo to fast until chatzos.
(My son fasted fully at 12.)

imaima

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 12:50 am

watergirl wrote:

Both my husband and I both heard there is a minhag in which one must fast for three fasts leading up to bar/bat mitzvah so we made our oldest few do this. After reading on this site (thanks imamother!) that people asked their LORs who said NOT to do this, we asked our own who was so frustrated that people even think this is a thing.

Our rav (chassidish) told us it's cruel to make anyone fast who does not have to, and there is NO reasoning or backing for this and it's not anything close to a minhag. He called it cruel shtus.

We have to be very careful to check in with our own rav - all of us - before doing things that we just do because it sounds like it's a thing.

My kids were very proud to try and fast „for practice“ and I let the older ones until I had a shaila and was told that it was a shtus and shouldn’t be done if it’s not a family tradition.
So we don’t do that anymore.

amother

↑ Hyacinth

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 8:46 am

new oldie wrote:

But they can see that on their first fast. There is literally no reason why they need an extra one...

srbmom

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 10:18 pm

We also asked our yeshivish rav and he said there is no inyan of 3 fasts before. But he said that there is an inyan to fast the yom kippur before - I think if I remember correctly it's even brought down in the mishna berura as being m'drabanan.
Our DD turned 11 right before yom kippur, so she fasted that yom kippur and then didn't fast any other fasts until the next yom kippur (when she was already bas mitzvah)

↑ new oldie

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 10:26 pm

amother Hyacinth wrote:

But they can see that on their first fast. There is literally no reason why they need an extra one...

It’s not an extra one. They fast u til they can’t, before they have to. It’s a comfort for them to know that they are under no pressure and that usually it’s no big deal.