How to make sure your babies are safe in playgroup

mommy2BH ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 8:33 pm

How do you possibly do the research to find out whether the playgroup you send your baby to is not connected with a pedifile? You can never be sure.. there are stories of extremely frum normal playgroup morahs where the morahs allow it to happen. Obviously the morahs are not the ones doing it, so how do you do the research?

dena613

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 9:04 pm

I really think that would be exceedingly rare, if not unheard of... OP, do you live in the US? never heard of such a thing here.

I'd be much more concerned about baby being neglected at the playgroup- fed, changed, appropriately, given opportunity to move around (not sitting in stroller or highchair all day), treated in a calm and loving fashion, with an appropriate morah-child ratio.

Look at different threads about babysitters and playgroup.
Never saw one with your concern.

Saw all the ones I mentioned and more.

chestnut ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 9:07 pm

mommy2BH wrote:

Where did it happen?

↑ mommy2BH ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 9:18 pm

This happened in Lakewood!!!! Not long ago. It took them 14 years to find out and close it down. A man was taking the kids out of the house and then bringing them back. Everybody must be aware!! Don’t be stupid or naive. Unfortunately it is true and you need to be aware. There are so many crazy people. You can’t trust anyone

amother

Brass ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 9:20 pm

My husband is one of the "pedophiles". Obnoxious mommies in our community didn't like that my husband came to pick me up from my job assisting at a playgroup a few times and came in and schmoozed with the kinderlach. He never did their diapers and OF COURSE never touched them inappropriately but if they wanted hugs, he obliged. He's a friendly guy who loves babies and toddlers--- I'd be THRILLED to have a man like him babysit my kids if he weren't my husband. He was banned from coming in anymore and the community still talks about it years later. Don't be quick to assume that a "pedophile" is a pedophile and not a normal man who visited or picked up his wife at work and (CHAS V'SHALOM!) got a hug from a toddler. He and I TRULY don't see a problem with it. Obviously my husband will never again go into any playgroup where I'm subbing or assisting (because of community yentas) but just because he's a man...... ugh, don't get me started. Frum men should be able to work at playgroups, run playgroups, whatever. It doesn't mean they're pedophiles. I've also seen husbands of playgroup leaders carrying babies from cribs in other rooms to the playroom and even helping feed.

As far as an actual pedophile (male or female) associated with a playgroup? I've subbed and assisted for 15+ playgroups over many years and I've never seen it. I *HAVE* seen inappropriate ratios and bad practices (letting babies cry it out, propping bottles etc). Just do regular hishtadlus--- talk to parents who send, talk to the Morah, and trust references' viewpoints about the group.

amother

↑ Brass ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 9:22 pm

mommy2BH wrote:

THAT is different and horribly inappropriate. Where did the Morah think the man was taking them? Did the parents know about these field trips? If Morah went WITH and a Totty was assisting on a field trip to help with coverage, that's very different than one man taking the babies alone and bringing them back..... do we know more about that story?

↑ chestnut ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 9:28 pm

mommy2BH wrote:

Huh? A man was taking the kids from the playgroup for 14 years and molesting them?! What was the official reason he was taking them? Without the playgroup staff coming along?
Any news articles about this?

amother

Violet

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 9:40 pm

You seem to have a more than typical level of anxiety around leaving your child in a childcare setting. Most moms are anxious to leave their child but find a way to make it work.

Ask for references- preferably someone you know & will be honest, check out the place unannounced, ask about what policies they have in place. Once you send your child make sure to check in at odd times. The biggest red flag is a morah that doesn't let you in when you show up unannounced or definitely those who don't let you in at drop off & pick up.

Frumomsi ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 9:40 pm

There is obviously a chance of a pedophile being related to playgroup staff but as mentioned above exceedingly rare.

I want to reiterate the much more common concern that babies and toddlers are being cared for in private spaces without proper oversight. Even mild neglect can have a very negative affect on your precious child.

What you can do as a parent? Insist on a place that allows you in! Never stand for a “policy” that forces parents to drop off and pickup their child without being able to see the classroom or be able to show up occasionally unannounced. Obviously, harassing a morah is unfair but watch out for red flags and then… daven!

amother

Foxglove

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 9:41 pm

amother Violet wrote:

..jinx.

amother

Mimosa

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 9:44 pm

This sounds like those stories in israel..

As far as how to protect our precious toddlers? Maybe I’m extreme but as I’m getting older with my latest baby I am doing everything in my power to be home with them until they really need to go to school. 2 year olds don’t “need” playgroup

amother

DarkYellow ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 10:16 pm

I pulled my kid from a playgroup because another really sweet mother informed me that morah was locking my son in a room cuz he would bite.... instead of letting Me know or dealing with it (he had speech delay ) .

I did not pull my daughter from a playgroup after I found out morah was leaving for appointments and left her husband babysitting. I'm still beating myself up about this 8 years later... We were super tight with money and I was scared to lose my job. I worked on myself over the years to make my kids safety priority over anything else. I did warn other mothers about husband babysitter but they said 'your lying its not true ' even though I showed up early to pick up one day and found him babysitting. One mom confirmed with one of the older kids who spoke that 'morah leaved In a taxi sometimes'

↑ Frumomsi

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 10:33 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

I wouldn’t be thrilled about the morah not being honest about it but wouldn’t assume anything happened.

GLUE ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 10:42 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

The Morah left and had her husband subbing? Is that what you are saying?
Why is that so bad? Do you feel that her husband was not taking care of the kids?
Would you have wanted to know that her husband was taking care of the kids instead of her? Is that why you are upset?
Would you have felt better if she hired a women sub?