DH invited guest | Imamother

amother

Tealblue

Yesterday at 10:50 pm

OP, I feel bad that so many are jumping on you. I will be dan lekaf zchus, that if you felt the need to uninvite, you have good reasons.

Cmon, ladies, give OP a break. We don't know how old & hard her baby is, & how difficult her in-laws.

I had a challenging mother. One year I had a baby less than 2 weeks before Pesach. I called my mother's Rov, who knew her (so I need not elaborate)

He said, "Pesach, new baby & your mother? NOT doable!" So I cheerfully told them we can't host. (I think a sibling was able to, if not, they would stay home.)

It's not one size fits all, & in my opinion, some posters should apologize to OP!

amother

↑ Starflower

Yesterday at 10:58 pm

amother Tealblue wrote:

When you come on an online forum and post a few paragraphs and then ask based on those paragraphs if what you did was horrible, you will get opinions.

Based on what she wrote, most are of the opinion she shouldn't have done that.

Now if she comes back to tell us that she's actually 9 months pregnant with triplets and her inlaws are mean to her and her husband doesn't help and her baby keeps her awake 9 hours a night, then yeah obviously we would have a different opinion of the situation.

Again, bringing in your unique case of hosting 2 weeks post partem is totally irrelevant to the thread or the OPs initial question.

amother

Taupe

Yesterday at 11:24 pm

Oh no, OP, I wish you hadn't uninvited them. That must have left your mil feeling so hurt.
I guess I must be coming from a different background to you, but the way I grew up we do things that are inconvenient and challenging for the sake of our parents and in-laws.

I hosted my parents for the whole of Succos a few years ago when I had a three-week-old baby. Was hard, and my mom never helped with anything much, but they needed somewhere to go, so of course we invited them. We got through it and it was the right thing to do.

When I had three kids under the age of 3, I hosted my in-laws and their 8 single kids for two days of yomtov. Wasn't easy, but that's life.

After my grandmother passed away, my grandfather used to go to my parents for shabbos every week. for about ten years. it wasn't easy on my parents, or on us kids, but that's what you do. your parent needs you, you are there for them. They were there for us when we were growing up!
I recently became a mother-in-law BH! If my daughter-in-law would disinvite us I would be so hurt it would make me cry Sad

OP you need to learn to handle things that aren't perfect. even if your husband invited them on the spur of the moment without asking you. I feel so sad for your husband and sad for your in laws.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 11:01 am

My in laws are nice people.. too nice... im already getting nervous from all the compliments they would give me for my food that is half way decent. cant stand the fakeness. cant stand the pressure of cooking for a crowd. just cant.

my baby is a sticky sticky one, will not get off my hands. will not be quiet unless im 100% there for her.
I have more children bh with the oldest being 7 and thats very young- not a helper.

dh is NOT willing to help, I discussed it with him before I made my move... asked if he can help me with serving and cleaning and the baby. obviously not all at once.
he said the only thing he would do is have the baby under his responsibility so she is off my head. TO EXPLAIN this means he will let her cry the whole time but I shouldnt care because shes not 'my responsibilty' now. NO!! NO!! NO!! WILL NOT WORK.
He will sit by the head of the table like a king while I sweat as a 1 man band.
And with that said I should be with my children and in a calm atmosphere without the extra aggravation. this is not a simple one for me. especially if this is dh approach, why do I need to do this for him?

yes, dh and me can work on our shalom bayis. multiple threads on this.

amother

↑ DarkKhaki

Today at 11:03 am

amother OP wrote:

What does that mean dh is unwilling to help? If during the meal u Said dh please help serve the soup he will say "no" and just sit there? If you hand him the baby what will he do?

In any case I do understand more now why you uninvited them even though I feel bad for your in laws. But your dh Def should be stepping up and helping if he wants his family to come.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 11:12 am

in addition, im not being home chold hamoed so thats not an option to host then.
(dh made plans to leave motzei yom tuv and be away all the nights and come back erev yt!) this is not my first choice and im doing it for him solely. I dont need it and I dont want it; young kids, lots of travel, away from home, last minute yt preps. I dont feel I can take hopsting on myself on top of this...

amother

↑ OP

Today at 11:13 am

amother DarkKhaki wrote:

he will sit like a king, I promise