Does my 12 year old son need to fast on Yom Kippur?

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 10:12 am

I will ask a rav but I’m curious what others do.
He just turned 12 at the end of the summer.
I know there’s something about fasting on Yom Kippur the year before bar mitzvah?
Anyone know?

amother

Peru

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 10:14 am

There is a concept of chinuch for yk, so from a certain age (depending on the child) we do increasing amounts of fasting. My kids fasted a full yk at 12 but they knew it was not a problem to break it if they needed to.

amother

Maroon ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 10:17 am

Minhag.
Some ppl fast 3 fasts before bar mitzvah some do not.

We have minhag over 9 fasts until Chatzos

tweety1

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 10:19 am

You should ask dh. What his family did. In my family we don't fast until bar/bat mitzvah. Dh family fasts y"k before. So we just that.

amother

Daphne ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 10:20 am

My family is chassidish, Sanz for reference, we hold that anyone under bar or bas mitzvah is not allowed to fast.
My husband likes to retell how he was there when the Rebbe called his grandson who was to be bar mitzva mere days after YK and made him break his fast.

mha3484

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 10:21 am

My son did but practically speaking by age 12 he went for the full YK davening and there wasn't a whole lot of time for eating.

amother

Snapdragon ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 10:56 am

Fasting before bar bas mitzva only litvish minhag as gar as I know never heard of chasidem fasting before. We are very careful to make sure the 12 yr Olds (boy) do eat!

Ruchel ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 11:02 am

My soon bar mitzva bh bh fasts so badly. He's tried a bit... I don't know how he'll handle next year. Iyh Moshiach will be there.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 11:03 am

Ruchel wrote:

My soon bar mitzva bh bh fasts so badly. He's tried a bit... I don't know how he'll handle next year. Iyh Moshiach will be there.

Even with moshiach here we’ll still fast on Yom Kippur.
Its Tisha B’Av that we won’t need to fast.

amother

↑ Daphne ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 11:04 am

Ruchel wrote:

My soon bar mitzva bh bh fasts so badly. He's tried a bit... I don't know how he'll handle next year. Iyh Moshiach will be there.

You do know that we still will be fasting Yom Kipper.

watergirl ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 11:05 am

Both my husband and I both heard there is a minhag in which one must fast for three fasts leading up to bar/bat mitzvah so we made our oldest few do this. After reading on this site (thanks imamother!) that people asked their LORs who said NOT to do this, we asked our own who was so frustrated that people even think this is a thing.

Our rav (chassidish) told us it's cruel to make anyone fast who does not have to, and there is NO reasoning or backing for this and it's not anything close to a minhag. He called it cruel shtus.

We have to be very careful to check in with our own rav - all of us - before doing things that we just do because it sounds like it's a thing.

Last edited by watergirl on Thu, Sep 26 2024, 11:08 am; edited 1 time in total

↑ Ruchel ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 11:07 am

watergirl wrote:

Unfortunately when many at school do some kids want

Elfrida ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 11:09 am

amother OP wrote:

Even with moshiach here we’ll still fast on Yom Kippur.
Its Tisha B’Av that we won’t need to fast.

There ate views that the chagim (with the possible exception of Purim) will all have a different significance and be celebrated differently in the times of Mashiach.

If you want to discuss it further, start a spinoff.

amother

↑ Daphne ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 11:11 am

Ruchel wrote:

Unfortunately when many at school do some kids want

That's why they have parents who can tell them that they can't.

↑ Elfrida ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 11:13 am

watergirl wrote:

Our rav (chassidish) told us it's cruel to make anyone fast who does not have to, and there is NO reasoning or backing for this and it's not anything close to a minhag. He called it cruel shtus.

We have to be very careful to check in with our own rav - all of us - before doing things that we just do because it sounds like it's a thing.

Cruel sounds a bit extreme to me. Extraneous, yes, but many twelve year olds can fast with no problem, and many twenty year olds still have a hard time. It's more based on personal metabolism and physiology than age.

I have no argument with the concept of asking a Rav, or following his answer. Just the way he expressed it.