My kids were expelled

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 6:43 pm

OP Is it possible they confused your kids with kids from a different family. I say this because my daughter once came home from school in tears. The principal had yelled at her that day. I was shocked..she is very sweet and would never hurt a soul or break the rules. I asked her if I can call the principal and she said said not too, but I did anyway bc I could not imagine what she had done. THis was the principal's reply "wrong girl" I'm like what?? She mixed her up with another girl bc they both had unique names and chin length hair!! I was so mad..and she only apologized to my daughter bc I asked her too!
I s it possible they made a mistake??

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 10:18 pm

I can't get past the fact that they are treating my kids like a piece of garbage. the school already branded my girls as living a double life. They made their decisions based on that. My kids didn't do anything wrong. Worst case scenario, let's say my DD was savvy enough to get a video on a flip phone. Shouldn't the school have called me as soon as they heard so I can do something about it on the spot? How did they automatically assume I was ok with my kids watching a video? I don't even know what this supposed video was. The principal only told me about it once we called her about this letter. Which is roughly a month after the supposed incident happened. I have flip phones for my kids to use when they go out shopping and as far as I was aware there is no internet on it. She had the phone to go shopping-this was not in school. Regarding the short socks on Sundays? To the best of my knowledge never happened. My daughter only wears knee socks only on Shabbos under a long robe, not short socks. She's been wearing tights since she's 4.

Let's say we fight tooth and nail and they stay in school. Then what? How will my girls be treated? I feel like they will be put my kids under a microscope....

how do you look at these people again? I feel like they stabbed us in the back This is not how you treat a long time parent of your school. If they would have called us down to a meeting, and told us that consider meeting a warning, that would be more than enough for me. By nature, I don't look to bend rules. I'm mostly a rule follower.

For all those asking, I haven't told them yet. I am thinking to do so tonight. I have to warn them that I am looking into other schools. I can't hit them with a bombshell from one second to the next. My bigger issue is, if the hanhala talks and word gets out. My kids are classmates with children of the hanhala and children of friends of the hanhala. I will not be able to shield them from it. Rather they should hear it from me.

amother

Cerise

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 11:43 pm

I'm so sorry OP for your pain.
My parents dealt with a similar situation, sister was expelled for similar reasons with no tangible proof. They fought tooth and nail, with a rav to get her to stay. She was made to feel very very uncomfortable and mid year dropped out on her own. Simply refusing to go back. At that point no school would accept her and it went downward from there. I believe the school had a big hand in her spiritual decline, but they probably see it as being fully justified in singling her out.

My sister fully admitted had they found her a school that would welcome her, perhaps her journey would be different.

My advice try and daven to get into a school that would treat them like all others.

Hugs to your daughters. It's no fun having to start the social scene all over again for NO reason.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 12:19 am

amother Cerise wrote:

This is what I'm petrified of. But how do I tell them they were expelled. Especially when they have no idea they did anything wrong

amother

↑ Kiwi

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 12:49 am

Its a real danger to the spiritual of your children to be treated this way by "religious authority ".

Definitely get guidance from your rav on what to tell , how much to tell & how to tell.

Btdt afa getting kicked out. Bh the next school was so out of the box for us but the adults running it bh bh bh undid the damages and as unconventional as the shidduch was, was better than the first school entirely & kid turned out better for it very obviously.

I don't know why Hashem is sending you on this journey, but it should be l'tova & again, please use rabbi for guidance & assistance.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 12:59 am

amother Dill wrote:

Is this a school in Boro Park? We are dealing with a similar issue. So far not sure if we'll be accepted for next year, but I do know that the thing I'm being accused of is without a doubt false and it's just an easy way of getting rid of someone. If I'd be expelled it would hurt, badly. I won't forgive the parties involved and let Hashem do His job. But I would definitely tell my kids that this is not their fault, if anything it's the school's loss because they're kind, Ehrlich, and bright.

No, it's not in BP. Wishing you a lot of luck that everything goes smoothly.

amother

Obsidian

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 1:32 am

I'm not American I'm reading this in utter amazement that these things happen. How is there such a lack of professionalism, no real communication and a complete disregard to the harm the school are doing? How is the community, rabbanim allowing these things to happen. No wonder we are fasting today and moshiach hasn't come.
Parents who have been dealt like this need to get together and publicize what schools are doing. I suggest going to Dovid Lichtenstein about it and getting him to do a headline program about it. Things can change it people for together and expose what's happening to the right people in the community who have power and genuinely care. No child should be kicked out of school unless they are actually a threat to other children and then it should be done with warning and sensitivity and help getting them into another school.
If there is more to this story OP that you have explained please let us know

amother

Oatmeal ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 1:41 am

amother OP wrote:

I was going to say this but you're already tuned in. Don't make your poor sweet kids go somewhere where they're disrespected like this. I can't imagine your kids wouldn't feel it, even if you got them to stay.

And you have values, so how could you trust people like this to be mechanech your children? There are those saying maybe they confused your kids. So what? It would be okay if they were treating another kid like this?

Honestly, to me it sounds like it could be made up from start to finish. If they were semi normal and it was a genuine concern, the first thing they would do if they see a child it's breaking school rules is call the parents. Is everything okay? What's going on? Their whole job is chinuch, you'd think the bare minimum they'd do is check in and see if they could be mechanech in some way. But they didn't care to hear another side, and it seems to me that they didn't care to hear if it was even true or not. Did they make it up knowingly? Did they just want to push your kids out. Either way the whole thing is disgusting.

amother

↑ Oatmeal

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 1:46 am

amother Seagreen wrote:

If the principal already "knew" it was wrong girl when you called, it makes me wonder if there was no girl and she just picked on someone to scapegoat to throw her weight around, to scare other girls into submission. Your poor dd didn't deserve that.

↑ PinkFridge

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:44 am

amother Obsidian wrote:

I don't know about Headlines, but maybe someone like Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, or an organization that can steer you to a professional to help coach you through this. Hugs!

amother

↑ DarkGreen

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:59 am

This issue is growing in popularity in places like BP and other overpopulated in-town communities.

My theory is that it began with immense population growth, and unfortunately the schools have not been expanding along with this growth (rising real estate costs and lack of wedding halls as well). Then technology exploded and the people in the chinuch world felt utterly helpless.

With 3 applicants competing for every slot, schools now have all the power, giving principals and administrators the opportunity to weild their power and show some of their true colors.

ora_43 ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 10:20 am

Wow, your kids' school is run by some interesting people!

I think it would be worth trying to push back with the school at least once. "I was shocked to hear (their nonsense), especially when nobody from the school has ever raised this issue - or, indeed, any issue - with either dh or myself. The accusations seem very strange to me.... etc etc... not sure how to tell my children, who love school and have always tried their hardest, that they've been expelled based on nothing more than rumor..."

That may be too harsh. OTOH if it's the last resort, what do you have to lose. Basically make it clear you do NOT agree, you are not happy, and you are not going to be quiet about it. They're looking for easy prey. Be difficult enough and maybe they'll give up and move on.

I'd also strongly consider enlisting allies. If you haven't reached out to your kids' teachers, do that. Ditto for any of their friends' parents or anyone else who might complain to the administration on your behalf.

If the entire school was like the administration, I don't think I'd want back in, but plenty of schools have good teachers and bad administration.