Why did no one thank me?

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:04 pm

amother Forsythia wrote:

Was she strict with herself to send within 10 days?
Or was she strict about receiving thank yous within 10 days?

Strict with herself to send within ten days.

amother

Pear

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:04 pm

I’ve had really difficult babies coupled with all sorts of postpartum struggles. I don’t want to out myself here because my situation was a unique crazy combination of details.
I genuinely can attest that in the midst of it all, even a quick text can be overwhelming.
That said , I would never not thank. At times when it was too hard for me I dictated quick thank you texts and had my husband send it to me.

amother

Powderblue ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:12 pm

I find it amusing that many responses are saying that you must thank formally/more than just a "thanks" within timespans of 10 days to 3 months, but the OP is complaining about not receiving a thank you within 2 days.

For me, the expectation of a more elaborate thank you than "Thanks so much! Everything was delish! Heart

" is why I find my social anxiety crippling me from sending anything at all, because I just don't have the headspace for more than that.

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:13 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Strict with herself to send within ten days.

Really hope this didn’t come at the expense of her husband and kids.

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:13 pm

When they say women are always the harshest to judge women I can believe it.
I'm awfully old-school with manners and etiquette but we will all benefit if we try to DLKZ.

amother

↑ Apricot ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:20 pm

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

I really dislike this atittude. So rude and American.

I mean, someone just spent time and money, cared enough to send you food or a gift and you can't even be bothered to thank them?

I just sent supper to someone that had a baby a month ago but I thought they'd feel treated and I did not get a thank you for it. Not when I took their toddler under my care for one afternoon either.

I am so put off by this. I just had a baby this year too so I know exactly what it's like!!!

No you don't!!!! You are not in their shoes so you don't know exactly what it's like. Everyone has different recoveries, different types of babies, different levels of support, different mental health, physical health, other kids, etc etc etc.

amother

↑ Apricot ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:27 pm

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

I do not expect people to be up to date on news, shmooze to friends, text for entertainment but a quick, thank you, your supper was really appreciated is basic menshlichkeit. I am so shocked by this thread.

Trust me, I make suppers multiple times a month. There is definitely a pattern whrere I see people with manners and middos somehow managing to send a text which takes a min. Some even call and give a long detail speech which is nice but totally over the top.

Some people text a day or two later, which is fine too. Some remember a week later which is ALSO fine. Some forget which is a shame.

But to have a policy of shutting your phone down, so not able to send a text is plain weird.

No one is saying not send a thank you!!!! But OP was upset that one day later she hadn't gotten a thank you. I assume most postpartum mothers do get to it, but it might be a few days later, and that's fine and normal!!!!!

amother

NeonGreen ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:28 pm

I’m team it’s not that hard to send a text that says “thank you so much for the delicious supper!”
If you really can’t do it yourself, tell your husband or 8 year old to take your phone and do it for you.
I’ve sent dinners so many times. Rarely ever get thanked. It’s rude, no matter what your circumstances are.

amother

↑ Apricot ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:29 pm

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Why are you normalizing bad middos?

YOU ARE NOT DISABLED AFTER GIVING BIRTH!

My doula stressed that time and again. You might be in immense pain like I was, stitches, infection, swelling, extreme nipple pain and bleeding, back pain and other stuff but it shouldn't become normal not to thank.

Perhaps get your hubby to type out the text, a child, thank them at a later date, but stop pretending like most new mothers can't just send a one min text. It's beyond me. So entitled.

That's exactly the point!!! OF COURSE thank them, but it's really not always practical to thank on that same day.

amother

↑ Forsythia ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:32 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Strict with herself to send within ten days.

Exactly! While it's beautiful to say I'll try to be extra careful and make sure to express hakaras hatov going around and feeling mad at pp moms is really not ok

amother

↑ Waterlily ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:34 pm

amother NeonGreen wrote:

And people with a smartphone can do it hands-free. “Hey siri, text Rikki “thanks so much for the delicious dinner”

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:36 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Almost nobody has mentioned DH in this thread. To shoot off a text could very well be made by him.

It was mentioned many times. I don’t know about many homes but mine and my friends our husbands are already stretched thin and barely manage to help with important things. There is no way mine would take it on. Besides he doesn’t have the names and numbers and once I’m writing the list, well texting is easier. If I can’t text I certainly can’t coordinate that job. So the conclusion you need to wait 2-4 weeks post birth. Anything sooner is a really unfair expectation and most simply cannot live up to those standards.

amother

↑ Burgundy ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:40 pm

Even though I personally do thank people, I don't want any favors from people who view it transactionally. Because that is not a transaction I'm willing to make.
I'm not willing to do someone a favor in exchange for thanks either.

amother

↑ Topaz ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 7:08 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

And people with a smartphone can do it hands-free. “Hey siri, text Rikki “thanks so much for the delicious dinner”

but not everyone has a smartphone. Try texting with the kosher phones.
And I don’t like using siri.

amother

↑ Peachpuff ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 7:15 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Almost nobody has mentioned DH in this thread. To shoot off a text could very well be made by him.

I mentioned that on page 5/6 someone else made a mention on page 7/8

amother

↑ Peachpuff ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 7:15 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

And people with a smartphone can do it hands-free. “Hey siri, text Rikki “thanks so much for the delicious dinner”

I was gonna say that as well but we don’t know if those people have a smartphone.