Why did no one thank me?

amother

↑ Powderblue ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:34 pm

amother Topaz wrote:

but not everyone has a smartphone. Try texting with the kosher phones.
And I don’t like using siri.

Siri always seems to misunderstand me, especially when I say Jewish names. I don't rely on it for texting or calling. I don't mind so much when "set challah timer" becomes "Paula timer," but I don't need texts sent to the wrong person.

amother

↑ Peachpuff ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 10:02 pm

amother Powderblue wrote:

She finally understands me when I say the CH sound.

amother

↑ Waterlily

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:09 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

I don't want a gift from someone who expects a thank you. It's one of my biggest set peeves just don't give me a gift if you feel that now I owe you one.

This is shocking. It’s not a transaction, it’s common decency to think somebody. Verbally, text message, whatever. Who taught you?

amother

↑ NeonGreen ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:17 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

I don't want a gift from someone who expects a thank you. It's one of my biggest set peeves just don't give me a gift if you feel that now I owe you one.

No problem, I won’t give you any. Do you understand that when I cook you a meal I spend at least 4-5 hours extra in my kitchen that day? And you can’t even take ten seconds to write thank you for the meal?
No more postpartum dinners for you.

amother

↑ Topaz

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:25 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

I don't want a gift from someone who expects a thank you. It's one of my biggest set peeves just don't give me a gift if you feel that now I owe you one.

No. This is not right. This thread was about thanking immediately after receiving help for newborn mom. Most were saying give mom time. Don’t expect thanx on the spot. But to not thank at all? Not even at a later date? That is lack of derech eretz

amother

↑ Tiffanyblue ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:27 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

I don't want a gift from someone who expects a thank you. It's one of my biggest set peeves just don't give me a gift if you feel that now I owe you one.

So stop asking for it!!!

I get asked all. the time.

I expect acknowledgement for my efforts. Not necessarily that day or week. Especially if I was on the phone multiple times with that same woman trying to arrange delivery of the food for her and her family. Now, all of a sudden when she's gotten her requested meals, she can't spare a second to shoot out a text. I don't buy it. especially because I've had difficult births myself with babies who just won't stop crying and it makes no sense to me that she can't even acknowledge my efforts even a week later or so

As a society, we must encourage the middah of hakaras hatov.

Of course, it happens that people forget unintentionanlly. But to make it normal not thank is beyone me. So so entitled and rude.

Definitely thinking hard about making meals for people if this is the atittude. Especially if they ask.

In my experience, most people do call and say a simple thank you. Here and there, people don't and I chalk it up to forgetfulness or something. I just hope it's not a policy of there's to be to busy and not even attempt to thank me eventually.

They want me to stand in my kitchen for a couple of hours, lovingly prepare everything a post partum woman wants including warm soup, crunchy salad and something sweet too. All for me to do and for them not to acknowledge?

My husband's kollel has a meal train system where everyone is asked to contribute. I do not know these women and if I remember correctly, all of them thanked us! Some called me personally, some email and some send a message though hubby. All of those are fine.

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:28 am

amother NeonGreen wrote:

Don’t do it. A favor with resentment is useless. Skip the schar and just don’t do it.

amother

↑ NeonGreen

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:32 am

amother Jetblack wrote:

Don’t do it. A favor with resentment is useless. Skip the schar and just don’t do it.

Ok. No more postpartum meals from me to anyone. Consider that done.

Thank you, Hashem (obviously you’re Hashem), for telling me that all my previous efforts were useless, because I was a little upset about not hearing anything from the recipient.

amother

↑ Tiffanyblue ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:35 am

amother Jetblack wrote:

Don’t do it. A favor with resentment is useless. Skip the schar and just don’t do it.

It's not necessarily resentment, just complete puzzlement at this atittude on the thread.

And who are you to judge if it indeed useless?

A new mother can definitely use a delicious nourishing homemade meal.

You are literally asking others for perfection of their middos. What about your midda of hakaras hatov?

And to all of you ladies, do none of you ever use your phone post partum at all? Arrangements for your older kids, arrangements for bris/kiddush, speaking to doctor, taking a mazel tov call etc. Even if you don't use it because your husband does all that, perhaps he can also do this one thing and thank someone. Or if he does all the above, maybe you can indeed send ONE text.

Hakoras hatov should be a priority. Just like making arrangements for a simcha.

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:35 am

amother NeonGreen wrote:

Perfect. More real chesed from people who don’t have demands. It will make the world a more pleasant place.

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:37 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Anything with strings attached is unpleasant for the receiver. It’s really no loss not to get things from such people. It’s incredibly frustrating when you have people seething about what’s owed to them. It is useless and life is better without such favors.

amother

↑ Tiffanyblue ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:40 am

amother NeonGreen wrote:

You're definitely getting lots of schar for your efforts.

You spent time and money on meals, probably not thinking about the thank you after at all until time passed and you didn't get acknowledgement.

We're not perfect and it's okay to be a little upset over this. If I spent all morning making a meal, I mean, I could have used that time for so many other things! And all that money spent... Of course we want to hear that our efforts were appreciated.

I don't understand this thread. People want us to be perfect!! We're not angels, we're humans with emotions. Let's not pretend that none of you guys wouldn't be wondering too. Perhaps you all don't send people meals as often as we do...

I do think that people that cannot and will not show appreciation, should just decline every offer they get, should definitely not be asking for meals, and should just take take out and all will be well. No one to thank there...

amother

↑ Tiffanyblue ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:43 am

amother Jetblack wrote:

Again, there are no stings attached!!

When I cook a meal, I am hardly thinking about the acknowlegment. But, when time passes afterwards and I don't hear anything, I definitely start wondering. Was the food okay etc?

It's so sad that you think acknowlegement is "strings attached".

What world do we live in that we've come to that? In a self centered, entitled one.

And how would my recipients know that I would appreciate acknowledgemnt? They would never. It's not like I am calling them and demanding a text with the two words Thank you!

amother

↑ Tiffanyblue ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:46 am

amother Jetblack wrote:

Perfect. More real chesed from people who don’t have demands. It will make the world a more pleasant place.

excuse me? Why are you speaking for all new mothers? Most mothers would love a homecooked meal, even if that means a small acknowledgement, I mean, they would do it because it comes naturally to them. That's how they were raised.

The ones that I send meals to, most are well raised and know how to show appreciation. They're not entitled and selfish like you come across in your posts.

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:49 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Do you not realize you demand the postpartum mother be prefect???? How hard is it really to say to yourself she must be overwhelmed and it’s not personal that she didn’t instantly thank me? How dare you demand perfection of a choleh and then cry that you not making it about yourself is others demanding perfection of you. The lack of sympathy and empathy when it comes to postpartum is appalling. So yes if you can’t handle doing the chesed and walking away then don’t do it. To rant on here about how postpartum mothers need to add more stress to their plates is insane. Why is this concept so difficult for so many of you to grasp. It’s basic middos to not make chesed about yourself and to put the needs of a choleh above your ego.

amother

Antiquewhite ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:51 am

a verbal thank you for me is more than enough!
a verbal thank you shows me that she appreciates it and that she got it!
generally I just want to know that she got it
and I never want to impose or pressure anyone especially a kimpeturin which is why I give chessed in the first place
hakaros hatov is important ....for me to work on for myself! not to turn it on others
for them I work on my dan lkaf zechus
and assume someone is overwhelmed, forgot, or somehow something got lost in the shuffle
all good B"H
and if I have a question direct communication is best "hi mazel tov again...did you receive our meal? like it? anything we can do differently next time?"
if/when I feel burnt out resentful is a big sign of that then I back off and reassess my boundaries
I can say yes and I can say no
saying no when indicated allows me to best keep on giving
the yetzer hara sees the chesed and community for which we are famous rightly so and tries to shteer chas v shalom please lets not let him in
mi kamcha yisroel!