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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
Wine
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 Mon, Jul 08 2024, 1:57 pm
The women who don’t thank, let’s say within a week, you seem pretty spoiled and entitled. No one is saying to thank right after giving birth, considering you’re still in the hospital. But when you’re home and received a nice yummy free meal, I don’t think it should hurt you to text “thank you! It was delicious and gave me Koach, thank you for your help”
And let’s be real. Most women DO go on their phones.
I’m writing from a place of hurt, because I don’t receive much help. When I do, I thank the person and ask Hashem to bless them. It hurts a lot to read what some of your wrote. “If you want a thank you, don’t bother sending me a meal”
What is this attitude? You’re probably too spoiled and never had anyone send you absolutely nothing. It shows.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 1:59 pm
| amother Jetblack wrote: | | Do you not realize you demand the postpartum mother be prefect???? How hard is it really to say to yourself she must be overwhelmed and it’s not personal that she didn’t instantly thank me? How dare you demand perfection of a choleh and then cry that you not making it about yourself is others demanding perfection of you. The lack of sympathy and empathy when it comes to postpartum is appalling. So yes if you can’t handle doing the chesed and walking away then don’t do it. To rant on here about how postpartum mothers need to add more stress to their plates is insane. Why is this concept so difficult for so many of you to grasp. It’s basic middos to not make chesed about yourself and to put the needs of a choleh above your ego. |
Are you reading my posts. I specifically said not instantly! Whenever and however is fine!! Through a messenger too.
I am starting to wonder, Have you ever made a meal for a stranger? Multiple times in a week?
I think you sound like you only have the perspective of the receiver, not the giver.
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GOODMOM
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:06 pm
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Don't know about you , I'm talking about myself. If I don't hear from the Mom after I cooked for them , I simply pick up the phone and ask if they liked the supper. Or text them if the food was enough, if the kids liked it too, so I know what to cook next time around. If it's a gift that I didn't receive a thank you, I would also text : Just wondering if you received my gift and if sizing is off or you want to exchange it , I really don't mind.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:06 pm
| amother Wine wrote: | The women who don’t thank, let’s say within a week, you seem pretty spoiled and entitled. No one is saying to thank right after giving birth, considering you’re still in the hospital. But when you’re home and received a nice yummy free meal, I don’t think it should hurt you to text “thank you! It was delicious and gave me Koach, thank you for your help”
And let’s be real. Most women DO go on their phones.
I’m writing from a place of hurt, because I don’t receive much help. When I do, I thank the person and ask Hashem to bless them. It hurts a lot to read what some of your wrote. “If you want a thank you, don’t bother sending me a meal”
What is this attitude? You’re probably too spoiled and never had anyone send you absolutely nothing. It shows. |
Actually no you have it backwards. I have zero family help. One birth some people offered to help with things. First there was someone who offered a meal, so nice right? She called and said I drove past your house I’m not turning around you can walk 7 houses down to my car to get the food. I was undressed home alone with the baby with snow on the ground. I said to her I’m sorry I can’t get dressed and shlep out with the baby right now, it’s ok I’ll skip the food. She was seething. But really I’m sorry but it’s not a favor.
I hired a baby nurse out of desperation I needed sleep badly. She told she’ll only eat xyz foods. Except I was eating frozen pizza because I wasn’t cooking. So I stupidly stood over the stove cooking her requests, at least I’ll have some too right? She takes a heaping amount of food, I go to baby who is crying. I ask her can you take the baby now so I can eat now, she says no I’m on break I need a second and third plate while I make calls. I sat holding my baby and cried and watched all the food get eaten. I fired her that night.
I’m the one who said if you have strings attached I’d rather go without. My next birth I refused all meals, all help, all everything. It was just easier to focus on me and the baby and not be busy with fake help. I’m the least entitled person on this planet. But at my most vulnerable time if you can’t support me and you just add burdens and pain to my plate then yes I’d rather do without any of your help. Because it’s not help.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:08 pm
| amother Tiffanyblue wrote: | Are you reading my posts. I specifically said not instantly! Whenever and however is fine!! Through a messenger too.
I am starting to wonder, Have you ever made a meal for a stranger? Multiple times in a week?
I think you sound like you only have the perspective of the receiver, not the giver. |
I actually give whenever I can. I have no idea who said thank you and who didn’t to me. My focus is only on helping someone in need. Maybe because I don’t expect it I just cannot fathom this being something important to someone.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:09 pm
| amother Jetblack wrote: | Actually no you have it backwards. I have zero family help. One birth some people offered to help with things. First there was someone who offered a meal, so nice right? She called and said I drove past your house I’m not turning around you can walk 7 houses down to my car to get the food. I was undressed home alone with the baby with snow on the ground. I said to her I’m sorry I can’t get dressed and shlep out with the baby right now, it’s ok I’ll skip the food. She was seething. But really I’m sorry but it’s not a favor.
I hired a baby nurse out of desperation I needed sleep badly. She told she’ll only eat xyz foods. Except I was eating frozen pizza because I wasn’t cooking. So I stupidly stood over the stove cooking her requests, at least I’ll have some too right? She takes a heaping amount of food, I go to baby who is crying. I ask her can you take the baby now so I can eat now, she says no I’m on break I need a second and third plate while I make calls. I sat holding my baby and cried and watched all the food get eaten. I fired her that night.
I’m the one who said if you have strings attached I’d rather go without. My next birth I refused all meals, all help, all everything. It was just easier to focus on me and the baby and not be busy with fake help. I’m the least entitled person on this planet. But at my most vulnerable time if you can’t support me and you just add burdens and pain to my plate then yes I’d rather do without any of your help. Because it’s not help. |
Of course supper should be delivered to your door. What does that have to do with giving a thank you when someone delivers fresh supper to your door? Yes it’s a burden to expect a new mom to drive down the block to pick up the supper, it is not a burden to shoot a thank you text
As for a nurse, there are many horror stories of difficult nurses, def do your research before hiring.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:12 pm
| amother Bottlebrush wrote: | Of course supper should be delivered to your door. What does that have to do with giving a thank you when someone delivers fresh supper to your door? Yes it’s a burden to expect a new mom to drive down the block to pick up the supper, it is not a burden to shoot a thank you text
As for a nurse, there are many horror stories of difficult nurses, def do your research before hiring. |
Why is it of course? She was livid that I didn’t appreciate how hard it was for her to make it and I should have come in the snow with baby to get it from her.
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watergirl
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:12 pm
| amother Jetblack wrote: | Actually no you have it backwards. I have zero family help. One birth some people offered to help with things. First there was someone who offered a meal, so nice right? She called and said I drove past your house I’m not turning around you can walk 7 houses down to my car to get the food. I was undressed home alone with the baby with snow on the ground. I said to her I’m sorry I can’t get dressed and shlep out with the baby right now, it’s ok I’ll skip the food. She was seething. But really I’m sorry but it’s not a favor.
I hired a baby nurse out of desperation I needed sleep badly. She told she’ll only eat xyz foods. Except I was eating frozen pizza because I wasn’t cooking. So I stupidly stood over the stove cooking her requests, at least I’ll have some too right? She takes a heaping amount of food, I go to baby who is crying. I ask her can you take the baby now so I can eat now, she says no I’m on break I need a second and third plate while I make calls. I sat holding my baby and cried and watched all the food get eaten. I fired her that night.
I’m the one who said if you have strings attached I’d rather go without. My next birth I refused all meals, all help, all everything. It was just easier to focus on me and the baby and not be busy with fake help. I’m the least entitled person on this planet. But at my most vulnerable time if you can’t support me and you just add burdens and pain to my plate then yes I’d rather do without any of your help. Because it’s not help. |
I remember your threads on this!
I'm kind of surprised you see stings as just sending a text sometime that month or whatever. That is not at all the same as the first or second paragraphs. But I can see now why you reacted so strongly in this thread. These are very bad situations to be in!
When I had my first, as I wrote in this thread earlier, I had no help from anyone and was expected to walk to eat up a huge hill post csection. Well, there was one women in town who did bring me food. A month prior, she asked me (as one of the only kosher homes in town and no take out) to make shabbos for her family which included in-laws and parents. Fine, I made a huge meal. I then had a baby and she brought me ONE KUGEL. She told me as she dropped it off, she told people not to bring to me because my MIL lived in town. The same MIL who made me walk to her house four days post csection if I wanted to eat.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:13 pm
| amother Wine wrote: | The women who don’t thank, let’s say within a week, you seem pretty spoiled and entitled. No one is saying to thank right after giving birth, considering you’re still in the hospital. But when you’re home and received a nice yummy free meal, I don’t think it should hurt you to text “thank you! It was delicious and gave me Koach, thank you for your help”
And let’s be real. Most women DO go on their phones.
I’m writing from a place of hurt, because I don’t receive much help. When I do, I thank the person and ask Hashem to bless them. It hurts a lot to read what some of your wrote. “If you want a thank you, don’t bother sending me a meal”
What is this attitude? You’re probably too spoiled and never had anyone send you absolutely nothing. It shows. |
I am neither spoiled nor entitled. I just literally do not have the energy to pick up a phone to call or text within the first 2 weeks of birth. I literally don't have energy to move. My head is in a fog & I feel like I'm in a daze. If someone sends a meal, they get thanked when the meal is dropped off & I follow up with a more personal thank you a couple of weeks later.
There's absolutely nothing wrong, spoiled, or entitled by this.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:15 pm
| amother Bottlebrush wrote: | Of course supper should be delivered to your door. What does that have to do with giving a thank you when someone delivers fresh supper to your door? Yes it’s a burden to expect a new mom to drive down the block to pick up the supper, it is not a burden to shoot a thank you text
As for a nurse, there are many horror stories of difficult nurses, def do your research before hiring. |
It's not a burden for you. It is a burden for me (same for receiving them).
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:18 pm
| amother Tiffanyblue wrote: | Are you reading my posts. I specifically said not instantly! Whenever and however is fine!! Through a messenger too.
I am starting to wonder, Have you ever made a meal for a stranger? Multiple times in a week?
I think you sound like you only have the perspective of the receiver, not the giver. |
I send meals to people on a very regular basis. I really don't keep track of if I'm thanked or not or by who I'm thanked or not. Sending meals is just a regular part of my life just like any other.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:22 pm
| amother Jetblack wrote: | | Why is it of course? She was livid that I didn’t appreciate how hard it was for her to make it and I should have come in the snow with baby to get it from her. |
That’s not ok. It’s still doesn’t equate to a text.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:26 pm
| amother Burgundy wrote: | | It's not a burden for you. It is a burden for me (same for receiving them). |
I’m sorry to hear that for you it’s something hard. I still think that if someone sent you supper you should find a way to thank them, even an effusive thank you when it gets dropped off, through DH etc.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:27 pm
| amother Outerspace wrote: | I am neither spoiled nor entitled. I just literally do not have the energy to pick up a phone to call or text within the first 2 weeks of birth. I literally don't have energy to move. My head is in a fog & I feel like I'm in a daze. If someone sends a meal, they get thanked when the meal is dropped off & I follow up with a more personal thank you a couple of weeks later.
There's absolutely nothing wrong, spoiled, or entitled by this. |
That’s totally fine , no one said it’s not. Some ppl are talking about not thanking at all.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:31 pm
| amother Bottlebrush wrote: | | I’m sorry to hear that for you it’s something hard. I still think that if someone sent you supper you should find a way to thank them, even an effusive thank you when it gets dropped off, through DH etc. |
I do. But this thread is making me not want to. Because hard things are not as worth doing when people assume it's easy.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:32 pm
No, most people are talking about women who don't thank that day or the next day.
As started by the OP of this thread who complained on sunday morning about someone not thanking for food sent for shabbos.
I think we all agree that thanking is necessary. But it doesn't have to be that day for a postpartum mother.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:37 pm
| amother Bottlebrush wrote: | | That’s totally fine , no one said it’s not. Some ppl are talking about not thanking at all. |
I don't think so.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 2:54 pm
| amother Bottlebrush wrote: | | That’s totally fine , no one said it’s not. Some ppl are talking about not thanking at all. |
Really? Who?
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 3:00 pm
Read the thread from the beginning.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 08 2024, 3:03 pm
I did. No one said that givers shouldn't be thanked at all. Just that an immediate thanks shouldn't be expected from post partum women.
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