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Forum
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amother
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 Fri, Aug 30 2024, 7:56 am
Am I supposed to feel grateful? No-one is starving, but still.
I haven't got a single penny left until my next pay check. And when I do get it, over half needs to pay back what I borrowed to get thru this month. The money ran out on the 18th (I get paid on the 4th), every month it's runs out earlier. I have nowhere to borrow from anymore, which suits me fine bec I have no way to pay back, it's too scary to owe, like I feel srangled.
I had nothing for supper 2 days ago. Then my dd remembered that my neighbour had borrowed 10 eggs last week, so she went to ask if they have back for us. They did, so we had eggs for supper, with pasta.
I went shopping yesterday. I picked up some basics, got in the line to pay with no idea hoe I was going to pay the $25. They put my items thru, I put my hand in my purse as if to take out my card, and said 'Whoops looks like I left my card at home'. Asked if I could take it and call in to pay. They said sorry no, your account is in arrears, but we'll put it aside while you run back for the money. A kind lady offered to pay for me, adding that I can zell her the money, saying she could see I had littles with me, it would be a shame to have to come back. Ha, if only she knew. So I'm not starving, so I should be grateful, right? I still owe her the money.
At the moment I've locked myself in my bedroom. I need a few basic items, milk, rice etc. I had $2 in my pocket, dh had $5, a few lose coins around the house..cobbled it together. DD went to the shops, called me to say it's not enough. Told her what to leave and to get. She's embarrassed, and is knocking on my bedroom door asking what she should do about the rest. I just remembered that I have 2 cartons of orange juice last week that I put away for Shabbos. But we can live without it, so I'm going to give them to her to return to pay for the rest of the items.
But My kids are not starving, and nor am I so I should be grateful, right?
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rachlglsr
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:00 am
Oy OP. This post breaks my heart. I have no advice but just want to say I've been there and can feel the desperation. Have you tried chesed organizations and food stamps?
I am so sorry!
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amother
Dill
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:05 am
Can you get food stamps, tomechai shabbos sends weekly boxes
Speak with the local Rav or rebbetzin they have funds too to help their community please
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mommy3b2c
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:10 am
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I would be happy to send you groceries . Chicken, ground beef, juice, milk, eggs , cheese, yogurt, snacks … whatever you need .
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amother
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:11 am
| mommy3b2c wrote: | | I would be happy to send you groceries . Chicken, ground beef, juice, milk, eggs , cheese, yogurt, snacks … whatever you need . |
You're so kind. But I don't think I live near you.
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amother
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:13 am
I’m so sorry for your situation.
To answer your question, no. No one is ever “supposed” to feel anything. And in case it’s someone else telling you, no one should ever ever tell you how you’re supposed to feel. I think that’s abuse.
On a practical note, I’d love to help you out and send a few dollars before Shabbat.
How can we arrange this?
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mha3484
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:14 am
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I always comment on these threads on the off chance your in Chicago please reach out there are a lot of resources.
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amother
Orchid
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:17 am
| amother OP wrote: | Am I supposed to feel grateful? No-one is starving, but still.
I haven't got a single penny left until my next pay check. And when I do get it, over half needs to pay back what I borrowed to get thru this month. The money ran out on the 18th (I get paid on the 4th), every month it's runs out earlier. I have nowhere to borrow from anymore, which suits me fine bec I have no way to pay back, it's too scary to owe, like I feel srangled.
I had nothing for supper 2 days ago. Then my dd remembered that my neighbour had borrowed 10 eggs last week, so she went to ask if they have back for us. They did, so we had eggs for supper, with pasta.
I went shopping yesterday. I picked up some basics, got in the line to pay with no idea hoe I was going to pay the $25. They put my items thru, I put my hand in my purse as if to take out my card, and said 'Whoops looks like I left my card at home'. Asked if I could take it and call in to pay. They said sorry no, your account is in arrears, but we'll put it aside while you run back for the money. A kind lady offered to pay for me, adding that I can zell her the money, saying she could see I had littles with me, it would be a shame to have to come back. Ha, if only she knew. So I'm not starving, so I should be grateful, right? I still owe her the money.
At the moment I've locked myself in my bedroom. I need a few basic items, milk, rice etc. I had $2 in my pocket, dh had $5, a few lose coins around the house..cobbled it together. DD went to the shops, called me to say it's not enough. Told her what to leave and to get. She's embarrassed, and is knocking on my bedroom door asking what she should do about the rest. I just remembered that I have 2 cartons of orange juice last week that I put away for Shabbos. But we can live without it, so I'm going to give them to her to return to pay for the rest of the items.
But My kids are not starving, and nor am I so I should be grateful, right? |
Op call your rav and tell him!!! This is the point of klal yisroel, we do not let families fall! I am sure people will shower you with support!!
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amother
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:18 am
| amother Dill wrote: | Can you get food stamps, tomechai shabbos sends weekly boxes
Speak with the local Rav or rebbetzin they have funds too to help their community please |
BH we do help from the Kehilla fund. We get regular boxes of fish, chicken and fruit and vegetables. Our next box is due in 10 days, it's usually sufficient, but with all the kids on vacation and starving all day we went thru more then usual.
I do have food for this shabbos, so you don't need to feel too much pity for me I guess. But I havn;t got an inch of leeway.
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amother
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:22 am
| amother Babypink wrote: | I’m so sorry for your situation.
To answer your question, no. No one is ever “supposed” to feel anything. And in case it’s someone else telling you, no one should ever ever tell you how you’re supposed to feel. I think that’s abuse.
On a practical note, I’d love to help you out and send a few dollars before Shabbat.
How can we arrange this? |
You're so kind. You don't even know me. But I don't know how to arrange that, we might live on the opposite side of the world. And how do you know I'm not a troll? Or a scammer? (I'm not)
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theoneandonly
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:22 am
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Can I PayPal you the $25 to pay back the lady for your groceries at least?
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amother
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:25 am
| amother OP wrote: | | You're so kind. You don't even know me. But I don't know how to arrange that, we might live on the opposite side of the world. And how do you know I'm not a troll? Or a scammer? (I'm not) |
Maybe I can call up your supermarket and put some money on your account? I don’t know…..
I’m definitely not a troll!
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amother
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:27 am
| amother Orchid wrote: | | Op call your rav and tell him!!! This is the point of klal yisroel, we do not let families fall! I am sure people will shower you with support!! |
Our Rav has been very helpful to us. When I was ill and out of commission for a couple weeks, he helps us with groceries and cleaning help, and also when we needed an emergency repair fpr our boiler.
I can't ask again, he usually helps us out Yom Tov time so I don't want to ask too much..
I think I just want to vent, and get validation and support from people who will understand. People who have been there before.
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Molly Weasley
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:28 am
I really feel for you. I assume you know all about snap and food stamps.
Tuns of hugs.
But don't be shy utilizing the Jewish community!
As a community, we're happy to help other people, that's what we're known for!
There's nothing wrong with seeking help from your brethren! It's a zechus for us to help!
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theoneandonly
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:30 am
If you're in the Lakewood area-
DH's friend who gets chesed food boxes had extra and gave us a lot of frozen chicken, other freezer items, pasta, rice, etc. I'm happy to put together a box for you and leave it on my porch.
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amother
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:34 am
| amother Babypink wrote: | Maybe I can call up your supermarket and put some money on your account? I don’t know…..
I’m definitely not a troll! |
I know you're not a troll, I'm asking how you know I'm not...! But I wouldn't joke about this...it's too painful. I appreciate your offer, so kind of you, I'll see how I get on...
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amother
Charcoal
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:36 am
I don't think anyone can tell you how your supposed to feel.
For many years I was in your shoes. It is so humiliating to not be able to check out at the grocery store, to need to put things back.
Gratitude and humor got me through a lot of tough times. I learned that I am the master of my feelings, and that I can choose how I think about my situation. Choosing gratitude allowed me to feel hopeful and peaceful in the face of hardship.
I hope your situation improves, OP!
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amother
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:41 am
| amother Charcoal wrote: | I don't think anyone can tell you how your supposed to feel.
For many years I was in your shoes. It is so humiliating to not be able to check out at the grocery store, to need to put things back.
Gratitude and humor got me through a lot of tough times. I learned that I am the master of my feelings, and that I can choose how I think about my situation. Choosing gratitude allowed me to feel hopeful and peaceful in the face of hardship.
I hope your situation improves, OP! |
Yes, the humiliation..that's the hardest. Did your situation improve or did you just learn how to cope better with it?
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amother
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:45 am
| amother OP wrote: | | I know you're not a troll, I'm asking how you know I'm not...! But I wouldn't joke about this...it's too painful. I appreciate your offer, so kind of you, I'll see how I get on... |
Honestly, if anyone felt so choked to have to come on here as a troll, I’ll give them a few dollars….
But seriously, I don’t see why you should wait till you don’t have anything for dinner. I’d love for you to go into Shabbat knowing you can do some grocery shopping on Sunday for the week.
Maybe add some anonymous phone number to your grocery account that I can use.
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LeMortedeLilac
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 8:54 am
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Unfortunately, I've been there too. The worst thing in the world is having no way to pay and needing to leave. Soooo hard and embarrassing. Even years later, I still get tense going to the checkout line. I'm davening that things will get better for you, OP. Ibh, things improved for us and I'd like to pay it forward if you are okay accepting help. I can send you a gift card through PM so you don't feel uncomfortable. Please let us help make sure you have some meals...
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