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Forum
-> Children's Health
Do you think therapy is needed for this situation?
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| Yes |
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15% |
[ 3 ] |
| No |
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84% |
[ 16 ] |
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| Total Votes : 19 |
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amother
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 Thu, Jul 04 2024, 9:26 pm
One day, recently, I was walking my 5 yo son to cheder and a tall skinny black man was walking toward us. When he was a few feet away, he made a real freaky face, opened up his big eyes and shouted out at us (just a sound, no words) along with a motion of wide opened hands in the air......... you get the picture.
We ran onto the street and held hands tightly until we were way down the block. another few ppl, scattered too... and we were all holding our hearts and breathing out loud.
I reported the guy and im not sure if they tracked him or took him off the streets... I told my son he is in jail...
my son stayed with a real trauma, he needs to hold my hands every time were on the street. if a non-jew walks towards us, he hides behind me (he's cute, he tells me hes making them place to pass  , not afraid at all )
yesterday he went to a neighbors house, 2 doors away from me and they were waiting for him on their porch... he did say he was afraid to go alone, but I told him they are waiting for him outside, he came running back home that a person yelled after him (I have no idea if this is true or if he imagined) but he was whining and really scared!!
so what do I do? is this a therapy-needed situation or I need to give him time to outgrow the fear? in general, I dont let my kids play outside without being supervised by myself or my husband. im scared of the neighborhood ...
any other helpful tips to help him with this?
thanks in advance!
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amother
Taupe
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 9:29 pm
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Yeah it sounds like he needs to work through the traumatic incident.
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amother
Clematis
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 9:31 pm
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Id start by talking hm thought it and seeing how/if that affects him and then deciding based on how'd he's doing after that
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Tzutzie
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 9:32 pm
No. He shouldn't go. You def should speak to someone how to talk to him/ act about it.
A therapist should be able to help you with it in 1 or 2 sessions.
In general, when something scary or painful happens, the more you talk about it, the more you process it and heal from it.
Talk about it. How you felt. How he felt. What happened. Ask him his thoughts about it. What he thinks now.
And conclude that the treat is gone - they guy is in jail.
He was a crazy guy and a bad guy but now he's in jail....
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amother
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 9:32 pm
Nope I’m 30 and my liver and stomach and heart all constrict when on the street with anyone other than Jews.
We want moshiach now!
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amother
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 9:34 pm
| amother Camellia wrote: | Nope I’m 30 and my liver and stomach and heart all constrict when on the street with anyone other than Jews.
We want moshiach now! |
amen!
thanks for all responses!
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meyerlemon44
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 9:53 pm
| amother Camellia wrote: | Nope I’m 30 and my liver and stomach and heart all constrict when on the street with anyone other than Jews.
We want moshiach now! |
Can you explain? I don’t understand what you’re saying.
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amother
Moonstone
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 9:53 pm
| amother Camellia wrote: | Nope I’m 30 and my liver and stomach and heart all constrict when on the street with anyone other than Jews.
We want moshiach now! |
Afraid much?
I agree that it isn't safe and we need to watch our backs but there's no need to live in fear.
OP this incident happened a short while ago. He needs time to process it. Discuss it with him to see where he's at.
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amother
Calendula
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:09 pm
You should explain to him that this man does not represent all non-jews. And that what he saw was scary but rare.
Point out to him whenever he happens to have a safe interaction with a non-jew like a bus driver or nurse or whatever. Hopefully that will reinforce some sense of safety.
Unfortunately many kids are given the blanket mentality that all "gōyim" are evil scary criminals. Which is scary.
We can live in the reality that many people hate us. But vaaaast majority of the time, a non-Jew in the street or working in a store will treat you civilly. And some of them even defend Jews and Israel, believe it or not! Our kids should know that non-jews can be good respectable people.
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amother
Turquoise
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:27 pm
| amother Camellia wrote: | Nope I’m 30 and my liver and stomach and heart all constrict when on the street with anyone other than Jews.
We want moshiach now! |
That sounds excessive….
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amother
Bluebonnet
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:32 pm
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Are you still scared? Because if you're still scared he might be too.
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amother
Coral
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:36 pm
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I have a very similar situation. And was wondering how to get past it. Some teens stole our bikes last summer, and since then, I'm pretty sure I can trace it to that, my child is afraid to be outside alone, to go to the neighbors house, to go to the bus stop, to ride a bike or play in the backyard....
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amother
Coffee
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 11:15 pm
Had a slightly different story with my then about 4 yo involving a dog. She basically was klutzing in one place staring at an approaching (leashed) dog, which was playfully coming directly towards her. I was calling her name, but she stayed in place. When the dog was about a foot away from her, she let out a shriek (which made the dog jump back  ) and ran...
She obviously developed a fright from dogs, but we kept on rehashing the story, explaining that usually dogs are not frightening, and what she should have done to prevent this scare. It took maybe a few weeks, and she completely got over it.
I doubt she even remembers this story a few years later...
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amother
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 11:34 pm
| meyerlemon44 wrote: | | Can you explain? I don’t understand what you’re saying. |
That I’m really uncomfortable and more than slightly afraid when on the street.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 11:37 pm
| amother Moonstone wrote: | Afraid much?
I agree that it isn't safe and we need to watch our backs but there's no need to live in fear.
OP this incident happened a short while ago. He needs time to process it. Discuss it with him to see where he's at. |
Not if you live in my neck of the woods in which grabbing jewelry and handbags is par for the course. You see something you like? Grab it like a lion and speed off.
Are you upset at your friend/family member? Shriek at a Jew as I you pass them or throw their hat/yalmulka off…
Continuous stories like these make your insides do a little dance becuase you’re in galus and let’s face it, we can’t fix this ourselves.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 11:37 pm
Like I said, not in my town. Read my answer and you’ll get it
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amother
Gardenia
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 11:41 pm
| amother Camellia wrote: | Not if you live in my neck of the woods in which grabbing jewelry and handbags is par for the course. You see something you like? Grab it like a lion and speed off.
Are you upset at your friend/family member? Shriek at a Jew as I you pass them or throw their hat/yalmulka off…
Continuous stories like these make your insides do a little dance becuase you’re in galus and let’s face it, we can’t fix this ourselves. |
This. I grew up in a non jewish neighborhood & I was always & still am afraid of non jews in the street.
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amother
Oak
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 11:42 pm
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I don't think he needs therapy, he needs reassurance and time. He needs to calmly be reminded that the man who scared you was crazy, he's not a regular person. I'd make a point of shopping in stores with friendly not Jewish cashiers and being extra smiley to the neighbors to show him, without telling him, that he is safe and there's no need to worry.
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amother
DarkGray
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Fri, Jul 05 2024, 12:03 am
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Sadly, this is becoming a common occurrence on our streets. Our world is so sick. I don’t even know if therapy can help us.
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amother
Pearl
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Fri, Jul 05 2024, 4:38 am
| Tzutzie wrote: | And conclude that the treat is gone - they guy is in jail.
He was a crazy guy and a bad guy but now he's in jail.... |
It could be this guy has tourettes. Then he wouldn't be a crazy or bad guy but have a problem that sometimes makes him do things that seem scary like shout or make faces or motions. I'm thinking maybe that would be less scary for a child that a bad crazy guy? Maybe you can say it could be that he wasn't trying to be scary but maybe couldn't control it for a second and feels bad about it after, some people have that. But it might be too late for that if you told him he's in jail. If it were me I would have thought tourettes or something neurological causing it because that doesn't seem like a normal act even if a person is antisemitic I think they would have expressed it in a more normal way.
Eta: how did he react when you ran away? Did he laugh meanly or act like nothing happened?
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