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-> Fashion and Beauty
Debbig
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 Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:07 pm
| amother Iris wrote: | I have an idea! Let’s approach camp owners- the same way packages and visiting day has stopped let’s have them ban lola skirts, alo, lululemon, aviator nation, golden goose and whatever other mishigas I’m missing. Any girl caught with a real Lola skirt will be asked to go home.
The future of frum teen camping- I’m onto something!!! |
You’re missing the point. We as parents need to teach our kids that it’s ok not to have exactly the same as everyone. It doesn’t make them less. We need to build confidence and fiscal responsibility in them.
You want rules for newlyweds too!?
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little neshamala
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:10 pm
| amother OP wrote: | These must have items for teens because they need to fit in is a very dangerous trend.
I want to know how this ends?
The prices are higher and higher and it's not one skirt or one pair of shoes. There is a must have of every article of clothing and accessory.
I can understand allowing one splurge here and there but that is not the direction it all seems to be going.
I want to know how this ends? With grateful well adjusted girls? With girls who are then going to be kollel wives and shop sales? With resilient, middos focused young mothers?
At what point does a teenager become sensible and focused on real priorities if they are being fed these must haves all through their years?
Who's paying for all these must haves forever?
I don't understand how we are doing anyone any favors raising our teenagers like this.
Thinking it's just one skirt, or one watch or one type of sneakers, is naive and shortsighted.
Where are the schools, mechanchos, and Rabbonim in this crazy issue? |
First of all, as a mother who actually never buys her kids any of these brand name stupidities and thinks all of this peer pressure is absolutely terrible, I will say I DO NOT want schools,mechanchos and Rabbonim making more rules. They have given themselves more than enough power already. This is not for them, this is for parents.
Secondly, I will tell you how we do it, successfully. I've said this before here, and I'm sincerely saying, it would be wonderful if more people did something like this:
We live in monsey NY, in-town living, with kids ranging young elementary through highschool.
Instead of making it into a "we're not buying it because its too much money" thing, and having the kids looking down on themselves, we started saying the following back when my oldest daughter was in 1st grade:
"I know you really want the kipling backpack that everyone has. And BH we have more than enough money for it. But Abba drives for Tomchei Shabbos, and he sees how many poor people there are in our town. There are definitely girls in your class whose parents cant even afford to buy chicken, and the stress that these parents have is awful. Can you imagine them crying in their bedroom because they cant buy food? And then what happens when their daughter, who is your classmate, goes home to them and BEGS for a kipling backpack because everyone has one?
Abba and I have decided that we will not be the ones adding to the pressure. We will not make it harder for people. I am prepared to buy you an even more expensive backpack than kipling if it does not have a brand name that everyone knows on it" (one of my kids once took me up on this, and I followed through. Im not against spending money. Im against creating pressure where everyone must follow expensive trends or else)
We have repeated this speech over and over theough the years.
You want to know what happened?
Not only did each and every one of my kids eventually take it on themselves, with pride, but we saw an unexpected side bonus: they started forming a beautiful sense of individuality. A self confidence that allowed them to express their unique self in ways that I dont see many adults do.
They are totally unafraid of looking different, wearing something unique, or speaking their opinion when it doesnt jive with everyone else's.
And these are not oddball kids. These are mainstream, in-town Monsey NY kids who BH BH BH are popular and well liked.
All of these brand name "must haves" that keep getting mentioned on all the threads? I've heard of them, only because my kids have told me "mommy you will never believe how much the sneakers that everyone is wearing cost!! You have to see, look on google!"
But BH my children proudly dont wear them because "we are not going to add to the pressure and cause people who cant afford it pain".
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amother
Starflower
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:11 pm
| Debbig wrote: | You’re missing the point. We as parents need to teach our kids that it’s ok not to have exactly the same as everyone. It doesn’t make them less. We need to build confidence and fiscal responsibility in them.
You want rules for newlyweds too!? |
Don't we have them? All kallahs must get similar jewelry - about 5-6 expensive pieces to the tune of 10-15k. They all get costly SB, with few doing at home events. They hire a makeup artist close to $1k for the wedding, buy non-essential household stuff etc... all in the name of supposed community standards.
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imaima
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:12 pm
| amother OP wrote: | These must have items for teens because they need to fit in is a very dangerous trend.
I want to know how this ends?
The prices are higher and higher and it's not one skirt or one pair of shoes. There is a must have of every article of clothing and accessory.
I can understand allowing one splurge here and there but that is not the direction it all seems to be going.
I want to know how this ends? With grateful well adjusted girls? With girls who are then going to be kollel wives and shop sales? With resilient, middos focused young mothers?
At what point does a teenager become sensible and focused on real priorities if they are being fed these must haves all through their years?
Who's paying for all these must haves forever?
I don't understand how we are doing anyone any favors raising our teenagers like this.
Thinking it's just one skirt, or one watch or one type of sneakers, is naive and shortsighted.
Where are the schools, mechanchos, and Rabbonim in this crazy issue? |
I don’t know
Watching teens with Tiffany bracelets I am scratching my head.
Or threads about mom clothing features amazon finds and threads about girl clothing featurs lululemon and moncler.
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happy7
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:13 pm
| amother Burgundy wrote: | following - it's hitting me now strong..
Please please tell me what is a normal 'budget/amount' to be spending on clothing for a teenager for the summer, age 14? She keeps insisting she doesn't have enough  .
Do the girls really only wear a skirt with one top instead of numerous tops with the same skirt?!
I said no to more skirts after I got her 2 more today, so she now has 3 'sets', plus 5 other skirts! |
if she is going to camp, she needs 9 FULL outfits without repeats. they don’t wash the clothing more than once a week, and she will actually go through that amount of things.
If she is staying home, she can manage with less things.
again, there will be people who can spend $160 on 10 skirts. There just are. We are blessed to have some very wealthy and comfortable families. There are families who can afford those things.
those of us who can’t, need to feel confident in what we CAN do.
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amother
Starflower
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:18 pm
| imaima wrote: | I don’t know
Watching teens with Tiffany bracelets I am scratching my head.
Or threads about mom clothing features amazon finds and threads about girl clothing featurs lululemon and moncler. |
It just boggles my mind when I read such threads. We have so many struggling to pay for daily basic needs, schools & yeshivas in the red, inflation sky high and our teenagers NEED moncler and Lululemon to feel accepted.
These girls are then supposed to magically do a complete u-turn when they get married a few years later?
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amother
Brass
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:27 pm
| happy7 wrote: | if she is going to camp, she needs 9 FULL outfits without repeats. they don’t wash the clothing more than once a week, and she will actually go through that amount of things.
If she is staying home, she can manage with less things.
again, there will be people who can spend $160 on 10 skirts. There just are. We are blessed to have some very wealthy and comfortable families. There are families who can afford those things.
those of us who can’t, need to feel confident in what we CAN do. |
I agree with this post.
Just wanted to add, that there are people like myself who BH can afford to buy their daughter the $160 camp skirts, but on principle, DONT.
My kids know we have money, and my kids know that we dont spend obscene amounts of money on clothing just because we are able to.
Its ok to tell your kids, we can afford it, and no.
ETA as im typing this it hit me. How ironic is this...BH we are blessed with enough money, and our maaser and tzedakah might be going to pay for these ridiculous $160 skirts that we dont buy for our own kids
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amother
Tiffanyblue
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:30 pm
It never ends.
Kallas these days are getting insane kallah gifts and wedding expectations that the parents have to somehow pay for for multiple kids.
It starts with the in toy all the kids have, continues to goldengoose and lululemon and continues to the kallah must haves and then after marriage the newlywed who needs the doona and designer baby outfits and then the cycle starts again but worse with the next generation.
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mummiedearest
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:36 pm
| amother Iris wrote: | I have an idea! Let’s approach camp owners- the same way packages and visiting day has stopped let’s have them ban lola skirts, alo, lululemon, aviator nation, golden goose and whatever other mishigas I’m missing. Any girl caught with a real Lola skirt will be asked to go home.
The future of frum teen camping- I’m onto something!!! |
That’s just silly. Camps make their money off families that can afford to pay the fee. Those same families are more likely to live expensive lifestyles.
It’s ok for your child to learn not to match everyone else. They don’t need this stuff. Grow a backbone. Say no and realize that this is a loving thing to do.
If you don’t like this form of camp, take your teen actually camping in the woods. Let her see how impractical it is to have these standards.
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Debbig
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:41 pm
| amother Starflower wrote: | | Don't we have them? All kallahs must get similar jewelry - about 5-6 expensive pieces to the tune of 10-15k. They all get costly SB, with few doing at home events. They hire a makeup artist close to $1k for the wedding, buy non-essential household stuff etc... all in the name of supposed community standards. |
I didn’t get all this because my parents could not afford it. Bh I’m very happily married no less off then my friends who got “everything” We need to stop this. The time to stop it is when they are young.
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amother
Yolk
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:43 pm
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Why is the answer ban things? That means you don’t know how to do the right thing and say no. Teach your kids better, you do better. It doesn’t need to be banned, that’s not fixing the issue it’s just sweeping your issue under the rug and waiting for the next issue to ban.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 6:32 pm
I actually don't really think, things should be banned but I do think that it's high time this is addressed from the top.
Mechanchos and Rabbonim giving shiurim and hadracha in chinuch should be discussing this. Parents believe that it's important to push themselves financially for their kids to fit in. Parents are afraid of their children. I think this is a chinuch issue that many of us parents are struggling with and need lots of chizzuk in.
Our girls aren't going to magically become mature and sensible around money and priorities after years of parents making fitting in a top priority.
There will always be the top 5%, were in trouble when the average family is spending this way because their teenager insisted.
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amother
Brass
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 6:37 pm
| amother OP wrote: | .
There will always be the top 5%, were in trouble when the average family is spending this way because their teenager insisted. |
No, we're in trouble when the average family is spending this way because they have a hard time parenting.
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amother
Starflower
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 6:44 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I actually don't really think, things should be banned but I do think that it's high time this is addressed from the top.
Mechanchos and Rabbonim giving shiurim and hadracha in chinuch should be discussing this. Parents believe that it's important to push themselves financially for their kids to fit in. Parents are afraid of their children. I think this is a chinuch issue that many of us parents are struggling with and need lots of chizzuk in.
Our girls aren't going to magically become mature and sensible around money and priorities after years of parents making fitting in a top priority.
There will always be the top 5%, were in trouble when the average family is spending this way because their teenager insisted. |
It's totally in the hands of the parents.
Rabbonim and mechanchim can't really speak much here. They're the ones pushing conformity onto society. Conformity compounds the concept of keeping up with the Cohens. Our leaders would have a hard time speaking out of both sides of their mouth.
It's up to us parents to push back and lay the ground rules for our kids. We won't be getting help from outside sources. Society is pushing conformity. If you want your kids to be individuals, it's up to you the parents to do it.
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LittleDucky
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:01 pm
It should not be banned. Otherwise a new brand would pop up and until the administration catches on it becomes a fad. So the fads just become shorter and shorter lived.
Instead, schools should put an emphasis on emotional health, anti-bullying behavior and they definitely shouldn't say that the answer to a child's problems is to buy them the current fad.
But the answer really comes from the parents as others said. Set limits. Don't give in to the whines. Start when they are young but they can always learn at any time. Start now.
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amother
Steelblue
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:12 pm
| amother Brass wrote: | I agree with this post.
Just wanted to add, that there are people like myself who BH can afford to buy their daughter the $160 camp skirts, but on principle, DONT.
My kids know we have money, and my kids know that we dont spend obscene amounts of money on clothing just because we are able to.
Its ok to tell your kids, we can afford it, and no.
ETA as im typing this it hit me. How ironic is this...BH we are blessed with enough money, and our maaser and tzedakah might be going to pay for these ridiculous $160 skirts that we dont buy for our own kids |
And the poor girl might need the $160 skirt so much more badly than your daughter does. for many reasons.
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rmbg
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:13 pm
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It starts with the parents working on THEMSELVES. You cant instill these values in your children if you dont have them. The parents giving in constantly are the ones who arent confident in themselves and value STUFF
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Debbig
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:15 pm
| rmbg wrote: | | It starts with the parents working on THEMSELVES. You cant instill these values in your children if you dont have them. The parents giving in constantly are the ones who arent confident in themselves and value STUFF |
So true!!
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amother
Milk
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:24 pm
| amother OP wrote: | These must have items for teens because they need to fit in is a very dangerous trend.
I want to know how this ends?
The prices are higher and higher and it's not one skirt or one pair of shoes. There is a must have of every article of clothing and accessory.
I can understand allowing one splurge here and there but that is not the direction it all seems to be going.
I want to know how this ends? With grateful well adjusted girls? With girls who are then going to be kollel wives and shop sales? With resilient, middos focused young mothers?
At what point does a teenager become sensible and focused on real priorities if they are being fed these must haves all through their years?
Who's paying for all these must haves forever?
I don't understand how we are doing anyone any favors raising our teenagers like this.
Thinking it's just one skirt, or one watch or one type of sneakers, is naive and shortsighted.
Where are the schools, mechanchos, and Rabbonim in this crazy issue? |
I wonder myself. I come from a very down to earth chasidic school in which no one was really into the styles and there were no must haves.
My parents were always hardworking and I was always babysitting but it never occurred to me to spend the money. I always have it to my parents.
Somehow along the years I became very with it and started following trends but it fizzled out and I’m very vocal about it now.
I have no desire to dress my kids a certain way or vacation in certain places or get new sheitals when everyone else does. Don’t get me wrong, I make sure to look good but I honestly don’t follow any rules.
My answer to you is: your daughter will probably stop when older, wiser, and has the self esteem to follow her own voice. Even if she can afford all of it.
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amother
Oatmeal
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Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:26 pm
I feel like you have to have a strong internal backing for this. Strong principles.
DD is going to be the only one in her class (12th grade) without a smartphone next year. We've discussed it plenty. She understands why I'm not giving in.
It's not easy to stand against the current, but it's much easier if you know why you're doing it and where your lines are drawn.
I loved the amother above who tells her kids that they will not be increasing peer pressure for others. Especially when she is willing to put her money where her mouth is and buy a more expensive item albeit one that won't feed into the peer pressure.
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