Teens keep com8ng to me after I’m in bed

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 12:35 am

I’m around and available all day, in the kitchen, the living room, backyard whatever. Wherever my kids are. My teens decide they need me late at night. Like 12:00 after I’m in bed. I could lock my door but dh is often away on business so I don’t mind being accessible to my in case it’s urgent. (My phone ringer is off, otherwise I get frequent pings from texts.) a few nights ago I locked up and poor ds age 7 had a really bad nightmare and wanted to come in to me. I would have let him sleep on my floor with his blanket. I didn’t hear him knocking. He just went back into his room and tried to relax and put himself back to sleep. Told me about it the next day.

But dd will come in and ask about random shopping we plan to do next week. Or theoretically when we can buy the latest electronic gadget she wants. I tell her good night mommy is going to sleep. She popped back in 2 minutes later. I escorted her out, said good night and locked my door.

How do you navigate setting firm boundaries with the teens at night? They when I go to bed I need my space?

amother

Plum

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 12:49 am

My door is closed the whole day. I'm not usually in there. I'm around and accessible. If I'm in my room they know they can knock. Sometimes I'll say to come in and Sometimes I ask what they want thru the door. From age 5 or so, they know to knock before entering. Gets locked every night. If they need something in middle the night, they can knock also. If a younger child cries, me or dh go out to them. All our bedrooms are near eachother so we can easily hear

salt

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 12:59 am

amother OP wrote:

How old is the DD who comes in at midnight to ask about shopping and needs to be escorted out?

If she's usually a regularly behaved teenager, who shows you respect, teach her that that is not respectful to wake one's mother up for something not urgent.
Hang a notice board up outside your door for your kids to jot down things they forgot to talk to you about during the day, and want to speak about tomorrow.

TwinsMommy

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 8:59 pm

My daughter has special needs and has been known to YELL randomly while I'm sleeping something completely NOT emergency worthy. ("My friend has never seen the tv show Phineas and Ferb!" for example). So whenever she lets me sleep, I APPRECIATE it so much. I get specific--- unless the house is on fire, you need to be QUIET please.

Thankfully they're good night-time sleepers so generally I get woken up during daytime naps on Shabbos and not at night.

Chayalle

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 10:37 pm

My teen also loves to come visit me during my wind-down time at night. But by 11 pm we both belong in bed, and I set limits for our collective good....

(of course in case of emergency limits get waived, but teens are old enough to know what an emergency is.)