Tuition makes me hate being frum

amother

↑ Cadetblue ↓

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 12:16 pm

So there are those who think that 25% of their income is enough to be paying in tuition and feel like they should also be able to spend some of their hard-earned money on small luxuries. Oddly, the tuition committees seem to have agreed by not confiscating their entire salaries.

And we as a community are supposed to be infuriated at that (how dare they not pay 40%? how dare they actually enjoy some of the money they are working for? how could the tuition committee have left them any discretionary funds?).

And because a small percentage of people are taking discounts they are not entitled to, we don't need to care about those who actually can't afford tuition and are struggling to put food on the table. We can just blame those who pay "only" partial tuition.

amother

Crystal

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 3:57 pm

I literally cannot pay my bills. DH lost his job. I asked for a tuition break and we are told that "many people have many needs" and it is "still to be determined if you qualify"

My bills- rent that is below average for my area for my apartment. Gas, electricity. Healthcare costs (nothing extra here that is cosmetic). Basic food (don't qualify for food stamps). Cheap laundry detergent, not Tide. Car and health insurance. Student loan, gas for my car and car insurance...(no public transit that will get me to my work). And we are already above what I make at my FULL time job. I don't even buy paper towels. Forget a pack of socks for my kid who has holes in every pair. Or me ever getting a new YT outfit.

Who is getting the Maos Chitim and other aid? The school raised funds for that too. Honestly?!? Because we don't get food stamps. I pay for health insurance as I make slightly too much a month.
Anyone who makes less than I do can get government program help and is doing better than I am. Because then they get food covered, Healthcare covered, daycare costs covered... so why am I not getting any tuition break?!? My kid got a hand me down bike for his birthday...

So I am resentful of those who do buy fancy sweatshirts, sneakers, go on vacations, have large homes and also get tuition breaks. Because for me- every dollar matters.

amother

↑ Broom ↓

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 4:08 pm

BaltoMom65 wrote:

Not everyone is struggling because they live above their stations. Why is it so hard to believe that people legitimately have financial problems due to no fault of their own? It's insane and insensitive. And very narrow minded and naive

Who said everyone is struggling because they are living above their means? I said SOME people are and they are taking away from people who legit need the money. Why is this so insane and insensitive? And narrow minded and naive? Where did anyone say it was everyone?

amother

↑ Broom

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 4:09 pm

amother Crystal wrote:

This sounds so painful and you are 100% correct.

amother

↑ Cadetblue ↓

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 4:34 pm

amother Crystal wrote:

That's awful! Of all people, you deserve a break.

But I don't think the resentment should go to those who are living normally and getting tuition assistance. The resentment should be for the schools not allowing deserving families like you to breathe.

Nobody should be paying so much in tuition that they can't afford socks, an occasional Yom Tov outfit, or a birthday present for their child. It's not right.

thesoundofmusic

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 4:40 pm

israel:)
I have bliay"h 7 children ranging from private play group to yeshiva ketana. 3 boys in cheder and 1 daughter in a private school another daughter in BY and a son in three year old gan. we pay jsut about 3000 shekels in tuition a month for everyone. that is about 750 dollars. we have incredible mosdot and my kids are super happy in school. amazing moros and rebbes great ganim.
I would think of aliya:)

amother

Nectarine

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 4:49 pm

Whoever says tuition is the best birth control seems to think that normal people can afford even 1 child’s tuition. The tuition prices are insane that no one can realistically afford. Even Christian private schools are half the price in some cases. I feel they’re jacked up since large donors aren’t giving more than they owe in tuition so they try to get as much as they can that way. But then the majority of their school is on financial aid. It’s disgusting and makes people resentful. It just doesn’t feel good.

amother

Aqua ↓

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 5:37 pm

Personally even as BH a high income family I am resentful about tuition. We work very hard and long hours to have a high income yet we barely have room for luxuries because we pay on average $15k/year tuition for each of our kids. Regular monsey schools. That means we need to earn $21k pre-tax to pay each kids tuition. For 5 kids, which is not even considered large for frum families, that is $105k a year of pre tax earnings going to tuition.

It’s very frustrating and honestly makes me depressed to see how hard we are working yet need to live like we are just scraping by. That $105k pretax means I can barely put money into savings, which someone with my income should easily be able to do. I feel like we can’t responsibly prepare for making weddings, retirement, or any large purchases. I buy my kids clothes from Ali, target. We own old cars.

I feel that full tuition is too high and if they set the full tuition price having in mind to subsidize lower lying students then at least they should count a portion of the tuition as a donation and make it tax deductible.

amother

Brown

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 5:47 pm

amother Narcissus wrote:

Christian private schools are a lot more than lakewood schools

Even public schools- they ran the numbers to figure out cost per student and it was well into 5 digits which is more than most Lakewood schools

amother

↑ Aqua

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 6:10 pm

amother Brown wrote:

Agreed, as high as yeshiva tuition is, it’s lower than most non Jewish private schools. But remeber, yeshivas fundraiser a lot.

Public school spending means nothing because there is a tremendous amount of waste.

amother

Ginger ↓

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 1:42 am

amother OP wrote:

Thats all. We are tearing our hair out because we have no money. We live incredibly frugally. But paying an extra $3k a month just for tuition is making me so resentful.

So send your kid to public school.
Or
Alternatively
Thank G-d you live in a time where you have an opportunity to provide your children with a frum education to keep the chain going, unlike many other times in our history where it was impossible for a multitude of reasons.
May you see your investment blossom for generations to come.

amother

Maroon

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 2:35 am

DH works in a school, he gets paid peanuts. We can’t even afford basic payments for our second car (cheap bought before Covid). The principals are driving around in Audis, have larger houses,their grandkids in the school wear designer clothing.

I can tell you the money is not going to DH who works very very hard

amother

↑ Cadetblue

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 2:41 am

amother Ginger wrote:

Let's say that your community set the mikvah fee at $180 and this posed a real hardship for you. Would you also have this same attitude?

"So don't go to the mikvah! Or chop a hole in the icy river! Alternatively, thank Hashem that a mikvah exists in your neighborhood."

Wishing to pay [an affordable] $2,000 a month for tuition instead of $3,000 a month for tuition does not indicate that a person does not value Jewish education.

pearlprincess

Sun, Jun 23 2024, 3:55 pm

amother Aqua wrote:

Private Catholic high-school is 10k per year while Yeshiva HS is at least double. My friend, who has never been frum, took her kids out of public school because she wants her kids to have a good education. If the tuition in Yeshiva HS was the same as the Catholic school .. two Jewish boys might have been learning Torah , rather than the New testament..

The tuition issue has to come to a viable solution.

amother

↑ Caramel

Sun, Jun 23 2024, 4:06 pm

pearlprincess wrote:

Private Catholic high schools have a range of tuition and the average is about $14,000

Some of the better ones have tuition of $20,000 or so.

At one time, tuition was cheaper because they relied on free labor from nuns teaching in the elementary schools and even the high schools but those days are long gone.

Also Catholic schools are generally attached to parishes or dioceses which provide some funding. There isn't the extreme demarcation between Catholic schools as there are in Jewish schools so people can support the one parish elementary school - for example.