Taking uneaten food home from your plate - ok?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 5:55 pm

lamplighter wrote:

How often is this happening that your kids are changing their minds on what they want and you have significant food to bring back?

I am also unsure of what your question is, you are asking if we think it's fine and when we say no it's considered rude, you're saying you're not asking about what people will think. So what are you asking?

The almost-3 yr old is all over the place. This happens all the time.

My question is clearly whether it's morally or ethically (or halachically??) okay and whether it's considered good manners or rude or tacky.

I'm not asking what others will think. I assume most people mind their own business and wrapped up chasing their own kids around and don't even notice.

amother Stoneblue wrote:

It sounds like she's asking for people to tell her that it is fine to take generous portions to start with, then bring home whatever they don't eat on the spot.

There's always one bad apple. Why can nobody ever post anything genuinely sincere and self reflective on here without someone being nasty and snarky? I'm being self-reflective and wondering what I'm doing is right.

amother Jetblack wrote:

Do you make lunch for your family? If you don't want to waste food, and also don't want to be a topic of conversation, take a small amount that you know you will eat and eat lunch at home. Change your mindset. Others may be making the kiddush into their lunch. You don't have to do that.

Also I dont understand your statement, "It's unpredictable what the kids will like and eat." Walk around with your kids and ask them to choose one item to eat. Then there won't be waste or uneaten food.

We have a weekly community kiddush lunch -- an actual lunch with washing that is intended to be your seuda. The vast majority of the people stay for the entire lunch, and don't eat at home. Some people quickly grab food and have their own lunch sometimes or always, but most people stay for lunch most of the time and that's their seuda. (I know this is baffling to in-town people, but a weekly community kiddush lunch is common in a lot of OOT places.)

If you can't picture the concept of a weekly community lunch, my same question applies to any community meal. Pretend its a shul/community meal like a simchat torah BBQ, Purim seuda, simcha, etc

zaq

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:42 pm

It's kiddush, not a lunch buffet, even if it looks like one. You take a little to be yotze kiddush bim'kom seudah and then go home to your own lunch, unless you're so poor that you really do depend on this to be your lunch. You don't load up your plate so much that there will be leftovers. If your kid didn't finish his brownie, it's fine to wrap up the remaining half since obviously no one else will want it and equally obvious that the kid took a single portion. Not OK to give your kid six cookies and take home five.

amother

Steelblue

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

We have a community kiddush lunch every week. If one ends up taking too much food on his or her plate, and the food otherwise would end up in the trash can, would you consider it fine to take it home? (I'm talking about something that could easily be taken home, like putting a couple extra pieces of shnitzel or a couple cookies on a paper cup or wrapping them in a napkin.)

I think it's rude to take extra food intending to take it home -- especially if other people haven't had a chance to take food. But I think it's perfectly fine not to waste stuff that's otherwise going to be thrown out.

It's unpredictable what the kids will like and eat, so we often take home stuff so it doesn't get thrown out. Don't see others doing this, but I see many of other people regularly throwing away plates with lots of uneaten food. Just wondering if people think it's rude.

All I could think is gross… food that’s on a plate that wasn’t eaten goes in the garbage
Seems super tacky to bring food home

amother

↑ Firethorn ↓

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's bad manners, rude and tacky.
Not the same as having your leftover food wrapped up at a restaurant.

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:54 pm

zaq wrote:

Except it is a lunch buffet. Please read the post immediately above yours!

amother Steelblue wrote:

All I could think is gross… food that’s on a plate that wasn’t eaten goes in the garbage
Seems super tacky to bring food home

Are you saying it's gross and tacky to get a doggie bag at a restaurant?

amother

↑ Honeydew

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:59 pm

amother Firethorn wrote:

It's bad manners, rude and tacky.
Not the same as having your leftover food wrapped up at a restaurant.

True it’s not the same because at a restaurant you pay for your plate and it would go to the garbage otherwise
But if someone did this at a kiddush I’d figure it’s their issue and fargin them
Though if that trend caught on it would be tough to calculate and finance growing quantities

amother

Pear

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 9:11 pm

amother Bluebonnet wrote:

OP, based on the additional info, if you’re preparing reasonable plates and your child doesn’t eat because he got busy playing but will want it later then it’s ok to take it.

I think it’s ok to occasionally take a bit ( clearly for the kid). Anything above that is incredibly tacky. Take less food or prep some food for eating at home after if your kid doesn’t eat well at the lunch.

seeker

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

Aaaaand there it is - OP adding/changing a significant detail after a full page of responses. I'm not going back now but I could have sworn the original post said "kiddush" and did not reference lunch at all.

If there's bread and washing and large set tables then yes it makes sense to fill your plate, however you should also be judging your appetite well enough to not have significant leftovers. All the more so for the popular items that you say get gobbled up - take a small amount to enjoy and leave some for other people.

For little kids in this scenario I think it's OK to take the uneaten part of their portion home. Older kids should be taught to moderate what they take but I think everyone can relate to a 4 year old who takes 3 bites of schnitzel, gets distracted, and then says they're hungry a half hour later when it's in the garbage. But still, at least try to aim for the right amount of food - if this is happening every week, it's a sign.

B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:39 pm

Its OK to take food on your plate home - prevent Baal Tashchis .
People take more than they need without concern whether others will get, be DLKZ- and best to keep your eyes on your own plates.
Dont worry if someone gets the good stuff and none left for you, there are better things awaiting.
For children- parents should either plate them or teach them how to choose from a shmorg. Young children really do need help here. Its a danger they may pull on the tableclothes...
Please take care if there is hot water available.....

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 4:02 am

amother OP wrote:

You need to ask your Rabbi regarding the Halacha.
Morally and ethically correct? Frankly I don't think in such philosophical terms. Your kids see and understand that mommy brings home food from the buffet. Is this what you want to teach your kids?
You won't have this issue of you make sure to serve your kids *small* portions and make sure they finish off. First we eat and after you've finished you may leave the table.
If your think nobody notices you are wrapping up leftovers then you are gravely mistaken. People *do* notice. A couple of shnitzels will surely be noticed.

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 4:06 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

Adults shouldn't even have any leftovers when they are finished. It's inexcusable to load the plate and not finish it.

Golde

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 4:25 am

I get your question, OP. It's important for me to teach my children to take food with moderation and be mindful that everyone gets. Yet we belong to a community where the culture very much is "grab what you can before it's gone". So at the same time I also tell my children that if they really want something, they have to take it - and if they didn't, then I don't want to hear them complaining afterwards that there was nothing left for them and so and so got plenty. It's a fine balance.

So with all this in mind, while my kids are learning the art of serving themselves at kiddush, I do let them bring their plates home if they didn't finish them. I would hate the food to go to waste, and my children will actually enjoy it later. Obviously they cannot take anything with the intent of bringing it home.

For myself, I never bring anything home. I finish my plate at the kiddush, always. And I'm very mindful of not taking more than I will eat. If something happens so I don't get to finish it, I still won't bring it home. But I will let my children do so.

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 4:31 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

If someone needs to bring home food then please let them. Why make an issue over food. So many good reasons to do so
Usually hunger....
Keep your eye on your own.
If that person has three on her plate and left none and you don't have, and want consider hinting if they can return one cause there isn't enough for everyone. They will learn to wait for the end to take home leftovers if they need it.
It sounds like you were hungry and didn't get because someone else took more than.her share.
Problem.is there is no "share" in communal kiddushim. Usually it's each man for himself. So try to get to the table early if this is important to you.
Try to keep the emphasis on pleasant . Don't look what pple are bringing home. It's not.worth it
Be Tayavone.

WhatFor ↓

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 4:33 am

I personally couldn't care less what other people do that doesn't affect me, so I'd just be like shrug. You said you're wondering what other people think- if you're taking home a couple of extra shnitzel, then I expect that some people might think it's tacky, (particularly people who didn't get any) because that's the general attitude to people taking home food from a buffet.

I totally get that you can't anticipate exactly what your kids will eat, but if it's happening consistently, you can probably improve the situation. If you're the one filling the plates, it may be impacted by your own hunger at the moment as well. Think about what you took home last week and this week, leave out that amount. Is it possible that your kids won't end up getting as much of something that they would have liked more of? Yes. And that's totally fine. If they're really hungry they can try something else. And if there's nothing else they like, you can have something small for them prepared at home. It's not like they'll starve if they've already eaten anything. And this way, there will be more for others.

I hope this doesn't come across condescending because I mean this genuinely, and with no judgment. Maybe you'll find it helpful during a quiet time, maybe even meditating, to visualize yourself going to get the food for them, and then imagine how you would feel if you got them less. Does this raise negative feelings? You don't need to explain that here, but if so, think about what those feelings mean to you, and where they may come from. (For ex., was there ever a point in your life that you were deprived? Or were you raised in a competitive environment where if you didn't grab something first you might be left out? Or do you have a fear of not giving enough to your kids? Or maybe it has nothing to do with your background and it's just a personality thing.)

↑ WhatFor

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 4:39 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Adults shouldn't even have any leftovers when they are finished. It's inexcusable to load the plate and not finish it.

I think this attitude contributes to people treating their bodies like trash cans and not tuning in to when they're full. If you are already satiated and would otherwise throw the food out, then the better thing to do is save it for later. Your body has no use for it, it's not a trash, and it's actually harmful in the long run.

That said, the solution is to take less from the beginning. I married into a family with post-war sensitivities to not throwing food away so I'm mindful to not take more than I'll finish. But to say that "it's inexcusable" is a bit harsh, in my opinion. Some people were never taught to mind waste. If you were raised like them, you might do the same. And sometimes people miscalculate. We're all flawed. I do think we should all aim to only take what we'll eat. Better to take less and go back for doubles, or even miss out on doubles, than to take too much.