Rediculous Clothes Restrictions

PassionFruit

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 2:58 am

Hey Everyone

I wonder if anyone can relate to this and help me out...
I am from a more modern background, and now live in Israel in super-Charediville. I chose this lifestyle because I want it, and I do not regret that decision. However, have a lot of insecurity about wearing the right outfit. There are so many nuances to "fitting in" and small deviations deem you and Outsider.

First of all, many of the restrictions have nothing to do with tznious and I find them so ANNOYING! I know this is a reality, and I just gotta live with it if I am going to get the benefits of the society.

Second of all, I am so self-continuous--can I wear a halter top bathing suit at the women's pool? I don't know! Its not like its a bikini! Can I wear lipstick in the middle of the week when really I look around and see that I am one of the only ones doing that? Are my glasses too cool if only 5% of people around me wear them? Recently I found out long black skirts are not frum. [especially if worn with knee socks] I mean, seriously? My goodness!

The main issue is that I have a big conflict because I don't really care about the answers to the questions because I think the rules are dumb in the first place, but then if I don't care my kids friend's won't be able to play at Modern Mama's house, or they might get kicked out of school. I know I can't change the whole society, and I gotta learn to live with it...

So just tell me...Whats the deal with halter bathing suits?

Iymnok

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 3:03 am

It probably depends on the pool. Many Israeli chareidi women don't quite "get" bathing suits. In the schools when they have swimming lessons the girls must have one piece. I've seen a huge range at the pool.
Feel free to pm me about what's generally accepted.

amother

Azure ↓

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 3:51 am

There's nothing technically wrong with it. But it's kind of one of those things that if you want to "fit in" to a certain hashkafa, you have to take it on. I personally don't care whether my 3 year old wears short socks, long socks, tights, or none at all, but I am also in an israeli charedi area, and I have to take it as a whole package (quoting sanguine's words in another post).

Don't quote me, but I would assume that halter bathing suits would probably more acceptable in america (not all communities obviously), but here it's definitely more conservative. I just bought my first bathing suit in over a decade (I am a BT so my style has changed) from bazaar strauss - sleeves to my elbows and it's a dress kind of thing below my knees. Though I never liked swimsuits so this was an easy one for me Smile

chani8 ↓

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 6:49 am

If you are in super charediville, then blend in. Robes to the pool for mothers, with a head cover. Sunglasses you can get away with if you must, just take them off when you talk to people. Skirts longer than mid calf are moderny. You think it's hard for you. Wait until you have teens. The social pressure is extreme.

33055 ↓

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 7:00 am

Bathing suits are not acceptable at women's only pools in my community. I can't stand to swim in a dress so I modified my swim outfit to tight below the knee pants and a short sleeve shirt. So far my kids are still accepted, but we shall see shidduchim time. Very Happy

I grew up wearing bikinis so I understand where you are coming from.

iluvjerusalem

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 7:23 am

Skirts below mid-calf are moderny? There was just a huge poster up in my neighborhood that women should be aware of the "halacha" of tzniut that they can't wear skirts ABOVE mid-calf (Couldn't believe I was seeing such a poster in my community - it's majority charedi but there are lots of others here as well). So does this mean all skirts must be EXACTLY mid-calf length? This is getting silly. I hope my kids will somehow get into a good school and have friends when they're old enough Sad

↑ chani8 ↓

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 7:50 am

tigerwife wrote:

*Ridiculous.
Sorry. I've just seen it with an 'e' too many times here in the past few days.

And I think the use of the word ridiculous is ridiculous. Cool

Isn't there a better way to say what you mean? Use feelings even.

(Just enjoying going OT with you for a moment.)

Maya

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 7:55 am

Squishy wrote:

I grew up wearing bikinis so I understand where you are coming from.

Really? I think it depends on the group you're swimming with. I've been swimming in a bathing suit for the past five years, with several friends and strangers who have done the same. There were always one or two with dresses, but the majority was in bathing suits.

↑ tigerwife ↓

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 8:09 am

chani8 wrote:

And I think the use of the word ridiculous is ridiculous. Cool

Isn't there a better way to say what you mean? Use feelings even.
I'm
(Just enjoying going OT with you for a moment.)

Of course you're right. I guess my apology doesn't sound very apologetic.

I personally don't mind being corrected for a spelling mistake, but it's hard to post one without sounding critical.

JMM-uc

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 8:22 am

You'll get familiar with the word rchuvi (רחובי) I've heard that way too many times in my Bais Yaakov school.

Long skirts and short skirts are not okay, you must wear duti length.

Any kind of 'in' hairstyle is not okay.

Pj's are not okay...

You gotta wear a shirt on top of your bathing suit.

The list goes on

zohar

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 8:37 am

I just want to chime in about the lipstick make up thing. Since I live in lakewood and not E"Y, I don't really know all the nuances. For example long skirts and most one piece and tankini bathing suits are acceptable in lakewood where it is not where you live. But it could be that your neighbors don't where lipstick because they don't work out of the house or they work in less formal environments. It may not be a tznius thing. I would ask a good neighbor whom you trust to clarify.

↑ chani8

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 9:09 am

Quote:

And I think the use of the word ridiculous is ridiculous. Cool Isn't there a better way to say what you mean? Use feelings even.
I'm
(Just enjoying going OT with you for a moment.)

tigerwife wrote:

Of course you're right. I guess my apology doesn't sound very apologetic.

I personally don't mind being corrected for a spelling mistake, but it's hard to post one without sounding critical.

Did you just insert "I'm" at the beginning of my incomplete sentence? I reserve the right to artistic expression.
I'm lol!!

fluffernutter ↓

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 9:28 am

From what I can see, too long is a problem. The Rabbanim are saying the mid-calf is the best length (note the word best - "just" 4/6 inches is also fine. They are talking about the best you can do for people that are there) but dragging on the floor isn't the solution either. I've heard shorter people having a really hard time with this since there isn't much space between midcalf and long....

I think people get caught up in the numbers and exactness. I think that all they are looking for is a refined look. Too short isn't. Too long isn't. This isn't really rocket science but if people are having a hard time knowing what refined is, they start having to give rules and numbers.

(Just as a by the way, I saw that big poster. I don't know who put it out, but there were a few things that I don't think were correct, and I consider myself quiite chareidi. I didn't discuss it specifically with my husband or a Rav/Rebbitzen, but my husband saw it and kinda said just ignore it and don't worry about it. Just be tznius. Smile

I wonder if those big signs help anyone....)

Lady Bug

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 9:49 am

If you are afraid of sticking out, just stick with the one piece bathing suit. But if it us really uber chareidi ville, find out if you need to cover your bathing suit with a shirt. If you do, then it doesn't matter if you wear tankini or one piece.

I think lipstick is tznius but maybe your neighbors are very simple? Most people (secular) don't necessarily wear lipstick daily.