I'm so tired of Stepford Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 2:58 pm

People have feelings. Strong feelings. They act like jerks sometimes. People say the wrong things sometimes to their kids or spouse.

These threads where 50 people come on to tell the OP that their reaction to a kid being a nasty brat is over the top and then proceed to armchair diagnose the situation is just so beyond ridiculous.

You are getting a tiny screenshot into someone's life. You have no clue what is really happening. You are just shooting off your mouth thinking you know what you're talking about. You don't.

I bet you do plenty that others would say is pathological or abusive. I'm so tired of everyone acting like their behaviors and reactions are so perfect. It's fake.

I am not even the OP of any of these threads but I'm rolling my eyes at some of the drivel people are spouting with zero basis.

Rant over. Thanks.

amother

Diamond ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 3:11 pm

The responses on the teen threads are out of control. I feel terrible for anyone that posts asking for advice or just venting.

Years ago they did it to the young mothers, I wonder if it’s the same few people and they now moved on to being obsessed with attacking teen mothers.

amother

Carnation

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 3:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

But this is always true and yet people are asking for advice. We can either give advice on the tiny screenshot or say nothing at all. This isn't a substitute for therapy or professional help. And the OP needs to take everything in with a grain of salt because she should know we are all just doing our best with the info we've been given. Most posters really are trying to be helpful.

amother

Papayawhip ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 3:19 pm

amother Carnation wrote:

Telling someone that you pity their kids is not helpful.

amother

Moccasin ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 3:40 pm

I don't know if it's everybody. The one about the kid who missed the bus did not get bashed. Mabe people corrected her what she should do next time But no one said hey you did bad! But If you post I told my daughter I haTe you and want to slap you...

amother

Puce

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 3:58 pm

amother Moccasin wrote:

See this here is part of the problem. She never said she told her daughter that. Those were her private thoughts only

amother

↑ Darkblue ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 4:00 pm

amother Puce wrote:

See this here is part of the problem. She never said she told her daughter that. Those were her private thoughts only

She DID tell her daughter "I want to slap you in the face and punch you."
That is precisely why she's getting those responses. Because she did tell her daughter those words.

amother

Holly ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 4:03 pm

Your right. We should totally support the mother who said she wants to punch her daughter to her daughter.

I’m not a stepford mother but some lines should not be crossed.

I actually really wonder what kind of parents you all are that you justify this kind of behavior.

amother

↑ Papayawhip ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 4:11 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

She DID tell her daughter "I want to slap you in the face and punch you."
That is precisely why she's getting those responses. Because she did tell her daughter those words.

But she didn't actually do those things.

And now she has a perfect opportunity too go to her daughter, and explain to her how upset she is about how she deliberately was trying to be cruel to her brother. "My gut reaction was to hurt you physically for how you were trying to hurt his feelings. I did not do it, and I expect in the future that you will also hold yourself back from hurting him."

Yes it would have been even better had the mother used different words in the moment, but having momentary feelings surge up when witnessing cruelty is very normal. Not something praiseworthy, but not horrific. This time she controlled herself from doing it, and next time she'll also control herself from saying it.

If you never lose your temper, you probably don't have kids or teens. One of the ways Hashem ensures that we work on our midos is by sending us children to test our limits and teach us to expand those limits.

amother

↑ Darkblue ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 4:15 pm

amother Papayawhip wrote:

Saying those things to a child, is awful enough. Even if mom doesn't follow through.
I bh have kids, I have teens bh.
Of course I snap at them on occasion, but there's a red line that shouldn't be crossed.
And no, not every parent loses their temper to the point of saying awful things to a child. Only people with anger & temper management issues, lose it to the extent of saying horrible things to their child. Don't make it seem like talking like that to kids is a normal thing.

amother

↑ Papayawhip ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 4:58 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

Good. So your challenges are not with anger.

But think honestly to yourself. Where are YOUR challenges? Is it knee-jerk saying no to things? Not paying attention to your kids? Having very strict rules? Not tolerating your kids being individuals? Everyone has something. You are not a perfect parent either. And if you are a better parent than OP, it's either that you were blessed with an easier personality or you have put in a lot of work, meaning that you must have messed up before that work.

It is okay to remind OP that speaking that way is not acceptable and she should do better in the future without making her out to be a horrific abusive monster of a parent.