I'm so tired of Stepford Imamother

amother

↑ Aconite ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:05 pm

So I saw the op from the original thread posted an update, and I was right. Poor girl was simply misunderstood. She didn’t understand the situation with the secret about her brother. Everyone who called her cruel and other horrible names…..

amother

↑ Tan ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:07 pm

Calculated cruelty in an adult is worse than loss of temper in an adult.
Calculated cruely in a child is not worse than loss of temper in an adult.
Can we please compare like with like?

amother

↑ Bellflower

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:12 pm

amother Tan wrote:

Calculated cruelty in an adult is worse than loss of temper in an adult.
Calculated cruely in a child is not worse than loss of temper in an adult.
Can we please compare like with like?

When your child comes home from school and tells you that his Rebbe threatened to punch him in the face, I'm sure you will understand now.

Because children can be very, very cruel to their teachers and to each other. (I know this because I once was a child).

amother

↑ Darkblue ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:16 pm

Trademark wrote:

Right and anger is bad. But it's very very different than intentional cruelty in my opinion.

IF it's between 2 children. But when it's between an adult & a child, then the adults actions are worse.

↑ Trademark ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:20 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

IF it's between 2 children. But when it's between an adult & a child, then the adults actions are worse.

I'm just saying in theory not in this specific scenario.

In this scenario if it was cruelty it was directed at the brother, not the mother.

Personally I don't see the situation which one is worse. It's not a way to approach parenting. But usually I don't comment on the parenting aspect because I don't have teens yet. I just like to talk more theoretical.

amother

↑ Aconite

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:26 pm

Trademark wrote:

I don’t think she was thinking about her brother. I think she was self absorbed, as teens are, and thinking about herself. She felt slighted that she was being kept of a secret between her mother and brother. Please put yourself in a child’s shoes for a minute.

amother

DarkYellow

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:37 pm

I love the thread title, its so good.

I think its understood to take the advice in a bubble. You only supply so much background info. The set and feedback is always in a microscope.

↑ mommy3b2c ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:43 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

You wrote it's not cruel to tell a bully that you want to punch them in the face.

Let's reframe this. If this were your child's Rebbe or Morah, and this is what they told your child, would you have the same reaction? Or would you demand the teacher be fired immediately?

Think about it.

If my child had a teacher that was a great teacher and for some reason my child was in a situation in which they intentionally cruelly bullied the teachers child on multiple occasions and one time the teacher snapped and told my child that they wanted to punch them in the face then I would probably forgive the teacher assuming the teacher felt bad about their behavior and apologized.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:46 pm

amother Holly wrote:

I’m hearing alot of blaming the children and no accountability. Hit a nerve I see

This is what I mean. This drives me bananas.

No you didn't hit a nerve. My kids and I get along great with minor hiccups like anyone else. These aren't my threads and I dont come here for parenting advice.

There is a ridiculous trend to diagnose and make assumptions on this site and it's getting out of hand.

Do u think it sounds witty when you say stuff like that? Is that why people say it? To sound smart and with it?

Of course parents need to be held accountable for their speech and behavior. So do children. And so do armchair psychologists and keyboard warriors.

↑ Trademark

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

A lot of times I wish I had a glimpse into the life of the people being all self-righteous. I'm curious how the inside of their homes look.

CPenzias ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 9:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

People have feelings. Strong feelings. They act like jerks sometimes. People say the wrong things sometimes to their kids or spouse.

These threads where 50 people come on to tell the OP that their reaction to a kid being a nasty brat is over the top and then proceed to armchair diagnose the situation is just so beyond ridiculous.

You are getting a tiny screenshot into someone's life. You have no clue what is really happening. You are just shooting off your mouth thinking you know what you're talking about. You don't.

I bet you do plenty that others would say is pathological or abusive. I'm so tired of everyone acting like their behaviors and reactions are so perfect. It's fake.

I am not even the OP of any of these threads but I'm rolling my eyes at some of the drivel people are spouting with zero basis.

Rant over. Thanks.

Omg yes! People jumped down my throat for disagreeing with me. One person is enough. (Never mind that I wouldn't actually do what I said... it was hyperbole but whatever) sometimes it's easier to tell them all that I suck... then the heart reactions. ❤️ hahaha

↑ CPenzias ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 9:21 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

Advice can only be given based on what was posted. So if an OP posts something outrageous, then she'd be getting responses based on that.

Yes but some people are so disgusting and rude in their responses. It's shocking

↑ CPenzias ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 9:23 pm

amother Holly wrote:

Your right. We should totally support the mother who said she wants to punch her daughter to her daughter.

I’m not a stepford mother but some lines should not be crossed.

I actually really wonder what kind of parents you all are that you justify this kind of behavior.

See? I bet you could have thought of a nicer way to say the same thing. This is exactly the type of comment that irks me. Maybe you're not wrong but do you honestly think anyone will take you seriously if you speak so condescendingly?

DREAMING

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 9:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

Agreed

↑ CPenzias ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 9:29 pm

amother Tan wrote:

It's not holier than thou to point out when someone has gone too far.
I have a hard time believing anyone thinks it's okay or normal to say such a thing even in anger. Every single response should be that this is not ok.

The op of that thread obviously realized it wasn't ok which is why she posted in the first place. She felt bad. Should we all scream at her? She knows!

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 9:34 pm

CPenzias wrote:

Where you the one who mentioned periods?

I thought that was hilarious and didn't even think for one second you were serious.

Anyone with a teenager knew you were joking.

amother

↑ Fern

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 10:26 pm

amother Aconite wrote:

Exactly, I knew it too.

I've noticed that a few posters here are extremely triggered by their teen dds, even other peoples teen dds. Much less so with the boys. And I stand by saying that saying that you want to punch your dd in the face speaks to deep anger and resentment that has to be explored before you destroy her.

amother

↑ Tan

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 10:52 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

Not sure what you mean by this.

amother

↑ Zinnia

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 11:36 pm

It’s understandable that parents can make a mistake but they should know when something is wrong so they can work on not doing it again. It’s like those posters who think hitting is ok. There was a recent thread about it. And everyone let her know that no it’s not ok. So where do you draw the line? Personally I think telling a kid you’re so angry you want to slap and punch her is terrible. And that mom needs to know it’s not ok. So she can make sure it doesn’t happen again. Maybe she thinks it’s normal, but it’s not.

↑ mommy3b2c ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 11:42 pm

amother Zinnia wrote:

She literally posted saying that she knows it wasn’t ok .