Tuition after divorce

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 11:50 am

If education is the responsibility of the father, is tuition his expense after divorce?

amother

Garnet ↓

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 12:21 pm

Depends on the divorce agreement.
Every situation is different.
Sometimes it’s split.
Each situation is so different.
I know a couple who divorced right after they bought a new house.
The agreement was that even though the husband worked and just bought the house (wife didn’t work), they decided (with the help of Bais din) that the house wouldn’t be sold. She would continue to live in his house but she would be responsible for the tuition instead of giving him the house.
There’s no simple answer to this question.
Each situation is very unique.
Obviously this is very complicated.

watergirl

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 12:21 pm

CPenzias wrote:

What's in your divorce agreement?

I think OP is trying to see what seems to be typical and does not have an agreement.

↑ CPenzias ↓

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 12:25 pm

watergirl wrote:

I think OP is trying to see what seems to be typical and does not have an agreement.

Got it. Bh I'm not in this situation (my sister is going through hel! Though with her ex) I would think it's 50/50 but I really don't know. It depends on what other things you're each responsible for

amother

Ballota

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 12:27 pm

I agreed to pay tuition in order to get my get. In our agreement there was a clause that allowed any changes to be made by a joint decision of our two rabbanim. They both agreed that it’s his responsibility to pay tuition.
That doesn’t mean he actually pays it though …

amother

Myrtle

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 12:29 pm

It’s different for every situation. One method is for each person to deal directly with the school.

nicole81 ↓

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 12:31 pm

My divorce agreement says 50/50 (and he never paid so it was really me 100%) My husband (second marriage) agreed to pay 100% because he agreed that according to Torah it's the father's responsibility. And because he's a standup guy. A typical agreement would be 50-50.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 1:46 pm

why is a typical agreement 50/50 if education is the responsibility of the father?

amother

Brown

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 1:48 pm

OP, if you want any input into which schools your kids go to, beware of saying that education should be the responsibility solely of the father.

amother

↑ Garnet

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 2:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

why is a typical agreement 50/50 if education is the responsibility of the father?

Every divorce situation is different.
If the mother refuses to move out of the marital home or pay the father for his share of the house then it could be a case where she can stay in the house if she agrees to pay the tuition instead.
Each situation is very different.
There’s no one rule for everyone.

amother

Olive

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 2:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

why is a typical agreement 50/50 if education is the responsibility of the father?

Careful with that. If you are saying its 100% his responsibility then that also means you get no say. What school the kids go to etc…. Think long term do you really want no input

amother

Topaz

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 2:38 pm

I think according to Halacha, it’s the fathers sole responsibility. But if he fights it, fifty fifty is a common decision in Bais din.

↑ nicole81

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 3:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

why is a typical agreement 50/50 if education is the responsibility of the father?

Because many (most?) men are not in the best of head spaces walking into a divorce and won't say "sure, lay the expenses on me. Whatever she says works."

amother

Natural ↓

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 3:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

why is a typical agreement 50/50 if education is the responsibility of the father?

Actually, full support of the children is responsibility of the father. (To the extent that a father would be required to pay his ex-wife to nurse their baby.)

Most fathers aren't going to go for that one when they can go 50/50 in secular court, so Beis Din compromises.

In secular court there's no such thing as any distinction between father and mother, so everything's 50/50 unless they agree otherwise.

mha3484

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 3:36 pm

When one person pays for everything it creates a big power differential and OP you really really dont want that.

↑ CPenzias

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 4:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

why is a typical agreement 50/50 if education is the responsibility of the father?

Why is it 100% on the father?

amother

Seablue

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 6:39 pm

No way to generalize anything... but generally the father earns more and has to pay more, which is why the tuition is often his responsibility.
Schools often give additional breaks to single parents - probably not if both parents are earning/paying, but if he does renege on his part, there could be more leniency on you too.

amother

Watermelon

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 6:47 pm

According to halacha, the father is obligated to support his children and teach them Torah (up to a specific age).
I understood that to be OP's question.

"If it's the father's halachic obligation to support and educate his kids, why does Bais Din insist on 50/50"

amother

↑ Natural

Mon, Oct 14 2024, 6:50 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

I answer that above. The divorce system doesn't work all pi Halacha, not in any Beis Din I'm familiar with.