How much slobiness do I let him get away with??

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 7:34 am

DS is 10 has ADHD.
He is a Slob.
He eats messy. Even if there's a fork or spoon in his plate he'll use his hands many times.
His briefcase is a smelly wreck.
He moves around wildly.
Very careless.
His clothing is Filthy at the end of the day.
It's unacceptable.
Till now I barely commented because he's young, he's a boy etc.
But I need to teach him skills for life. I don't want him to be the guy with food drips in his beard.
How can I go about it?
What incentives can I give him to be worth his while to change?
Remember, he has ADHD so it makes it much harder.

amother

Mimosa

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 7:41 am

I would just constantly remind mine until it became second nature. I’d say please use a fork it’s not polite to use your hands, wash your hands and face and check in the mirror to make sure you got all of it, I can see food all over, lean closer to the table so you don’t drip on yourself… it was constant all day saying the correct action plus the reason for it. It really needed to taught be younger it’s much easier to create good habits starting as a toddler. But he can change now.

amother

NeonGreen

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 7:48 am

Are you getting him any therapies as well? Adhd really requires a lot of support in addition to meds. Unfortunately the "do it enough times that it becomes second nature" that someone mentioned above DOES NOT WORK on the adhd brain. It NEVER becomes second nature. This is why additional support from qualified professionals is needed, they will teach him how to do daily life habits in a way that works with how his brain works. Also, I would prioritize manners and hygiene right now, and then work on some of the other issues later.

amother

Mimosa

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 7:51 am

amother NeonGreen wrote:

Thanks for telling me what can’t work on my adhd kid. According to all the professionals I work with they can build habits that are second nature. It’s just a lot more work for them. How do you think they teach daily habits, it’s literally repetitive with reminders until it’s just part of them.

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 8:00 am

Anything thing, I don't want to focus too much on hygiene because he's prone to OCD behaviors. And at one point he was washing his hands too much.

amother

Vanilla

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 8:17 am

amother NeonGreen wrote:

Can you recommend someone preferably Boro park/Flatbush who does this?

amother

Glitter

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 8:27 am

amother OP wrote:

Anything thing, I don't want to focus too much on hygiene because he's prone to OCD behaviors. And at one point he was washing his hands too much.

Just focus on good manners rather than hygiene. Taking care of yourself is important so that we are respectful of others that need to be near us.

mummiedearest

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 8:31 am

amother OP wrote:

Anything thing, I don't want to focus too much on hygiene because he's prone to OCD behaviors. And at one point he was washing his hands too much.

Don’t drive him crazy with it. Have appointed times when hand-washing with soap is required- after playing outside, before every meal, after he is caught picking his nose.

Clothing- yes, it will be messy/torn/dirty by the end of the day. If it’s more than a little muddy, have him change. Otherwise, let him be.

Manners- remind all the kids to use a fork and knife. As an experiment, try setting up mirrors for all the kids so they can watch themselves eat. Explain that proper manners exist so we can interact pleasantly with others.

amother

Amber

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 8:32 am

amother Glitter wrote:

Just focus on good manners rather than hygiene. Taking care of yourself is important so that we are respectful of others that need to be near us.

Set yourself and the rest of a family as a good example. Be strict with everyone.

amother

Phlox

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 8:34 am

amother OP wrote:

Oh my gosh, can I relate!!! My son is already a teenager and he is such a slob! Most of it is due to laziness and lack of self respect. Thankfully, hell keep his clothes and body clean. But his room! And table manners! And general not cleaning up after himself! Argh!!! It is very difficult to live with.

amother

Black

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 9:08 am

DD10 is the same way. The constant reminders get her upset, so sometimes we choose to overlook the poor manners. I’m hoping at some point her desire to be put together will kick in! She now takes care of her hair which is a huge deal. She’s still a messy eater, clothing usually dirty, food left open and everywhere, school supplies a wreck, bedroom a disaster… My hope is as her motivation kicks in we will see more improvements. And yes, she is medicated, in OT and therapy. But this is how her brain works and we try to just be patient with her! It’s really tough though..

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 9:14 am

I second working with a therapist. We did it for my daughter. She was younger though, 8 years old. I feel that it's easier when a child is younger. Gently reminding instead of being loud about it. I like the word "prompting " which we use on my daughter's iep. Not nagging.