Is it true out of towners? better quality of life?

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:34 pm

If I move out of town, will our life be chilled and relaxed? Or will it be depressing because we don't have family and friends in our neighborhood? Will we be lonely and go crazy from my husband and I and our kids or will we make friends and love our life there?

amother

Ginger

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

Different people have their preferences.

Some people feel more relaxed by living OOT, other's go crazy.

Some find it to be better quality of life, other's find it to be worse off.

I don't think anybody can tell you if YOU will be chilled/relaxed or if YOU will go crazy and depressed bc nobody can answer how it'll be for YOU

amother

RosePink

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:38 pm

Exactly.
Some people love the freedom to be themselves. Not to have their family so close by and “monitoring” every move, not feeling they have to fit into the family’s box.
Depends on your dynamics.
The chilled part comes from there being less choices. You don’t have thirty shades of beige socks at your disposable and therefore can be less pressuring to match your kids Shabbos shoes to the perfect shade of socks.
You make do with what there is.
Less simchas, less restaurants, less minyan factories, can often lead to slower pace.

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:38 pm

The question is also- does it cost less or more overall to live out of town? Cause I know housing is cheaper but other stuff are more expensive.
So anyone that lives oot can you chime in? How much do you need to make a year pretax for a family of 5 to be able to pay bills and live decently without luxuries?

mha3484

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:43 pm

There are also different degrees of OOT living. But I feel like at least where I live, because its not apartment heavy and a lot of people use the eruv, my social needs are easier to meet and it makes me a happier person.

Trademark

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

OOT is not a singular place.

If by OOT you mean outside the tri-state area, there are so many options and it varies greatly depending on location.

It doesn't make sense to answer these questions unless you give specific places.

amother

Narcissus

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

If this is your attitude then I think it's safe to say you might not be very happy out of town. it's both a personality type, the type who needs to be in the city and around family, and an attitude. if you show up expecting to be miserable and going crazy from your husband and kids, it won't take too long till you feel this way.
OOT only has a more chilled outlook if you allow yourself to feel it.

Ruchel

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:52 pm

I live out of town after years in town.
You need a car. But a house, a garden, a suka. Haaaa ♥ and it's not way out of town. The in town I used to live in is 5 minutes away. And the community is huge. Shul in the street. Mikve building near. 2 restaurants by foot.

Way out of town I was the only Jew in the street
I town we had 2 shuls in the block

Cheaper; if you get a big house, it may not be cheaper than an apartment in town. If you go for an apartment, yes. Depends on how out of town.

If you don't like communities where everyone is the same, look whether it grew from one type of people, or several. Mine has it all, not frum yet to yiddish speaking bh

Last edited by Ruchel on Tue, Jun 18 2024, 2:53 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Cornsilk

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 1:11 pm

Depends on where OOT, and your personality.

Basically anywhere OOT is slower paced. So if the pace of in-town is tough, moving OOT can help. Midwestern OOT is generally less status conscious, so it's easier to avoid stressing over shopping, but I found Boca more status conscious than Brooklyn.

OOT is basically always cheaper, but income is also often lower, so whether it helps you save money or not depends a lot on your field and how you like to spend money: land is cheaper relative to salary in many OOT places but restaurants are probably much less favorable.

Living near family is a huge deal. I wouldn't give that up without a good reason.

smss

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 1:14 pm

Trademark wrote:

This.

Moving is a huge decision and you really need to do serious research about a place before you go.

amother

Calendula

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 1:20 pm

depends on your personality

I grew up OOT (bigger city), but moved to the tristate area when I got married. I moved to my hometown /OOT 12 1/2 years into my marriage.

I do feel my quality of life is so much better. First I have space. I have a house (which I could afford) and a yard. My husband isn't commuting to Manhattan and coming home crazy hours. Now he works from home. But even when he worked out of the house, the commutes were more normal with more normal work hours. Life is slower paced and less competitive.

BH I had family follow me here a few years after I did and I do have a few childhood friends here that never left. But even without those, I think I would be happy. I made new friends.

keym

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 2:14 pm

As someone who grew up OOT, lives in Lakewood and has family in many OOT communities, and also Brooklyn, Lakewood and Monsey, a few things to consider.

1) are there school busses, are they reliable.
Carpool culture has rules and standards including after a baby which may or may not increase or decrease your stress levels

2) is there public transportation?
Do you drive? How expensive is gas?

3) what specific chumros/hechsherim do you use? Are you willing to stop? How much does it cost in this community (chalav Yisroel, heimish hechsherim etc)

mha3484

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 2:32 pm

Also depending on where you live, I feel like my kids have the gift of a certain degree of independence that really builds them up and makes my life less stressful. My oldest son can walk himself to the nightly learning program, or to his chavrusa at a local kollel. I don't need to make carpools and I don't feel like he needs to be over monitored. This is harder to get in towns that are more driving heavy or have bigger safety concerns.

amother

Arcticblue

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 2:53 pm

It really depends on where you go. Housing is probably less- but tuition and kosher food may be more. The social pressure to keep up materially is very low- ie no one cares how you dress your kids.

amother

Daisy

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 3:31 pm

I considered it for a while. After speaking to a few friends I realized I’m better off where I am. The ones in tiny towns have no friends, its a tight clique and impossible to break into, also any issues they have with classmates, teachers or school they are stuck living with it, there are no alternative classes or schools. Same with shuls.

The ones living in bigger towns call me to tell them what’s in. They come shopping where I live to follow trends and keep up the joneses. Meanwhile I wear and do as I like and I have enough movement in my neighborhood and school that we have friends and aren’t required to keep up with trends to fit in.

So I’ve come to realize that happiness is a state of mind and my life in town is way more chilled and has way less stress since I have options and the ability to make things better.

amother

Anemone

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 3:36 pm

keym wrote:

#1 question - EDUCATION - what type of schools are there? what is the quality of the teachers and education? Check this out very well!!!

amother

Daisy

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 3:38 pm

Also about space. There are so many in towns that are in suburban areas with land and space. You don’t have to go to middle America to find space.